Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Study: 96-Percent of Boston Sports Fans Have No Idea How Annoying They Are

I know this is 2 years old, but in light of the USAToday article featured in last week's paper that took it upon themselves to proclaim the Boston Red Sox "America's Team"....blurg.....garg......gaaaaaag....I felt this article featured in Sportspickle.com summed up the rest of the country's feelings on such a timely topic.

Study: 96-Percent of Boston Sports Fans Have No Idea How Annoying They Are

By Editor, Section Other Sports Posted on Sat Jul 09 2005 at 2:39 PM EST

[Editor's Note: SportsPickle.com always seems to nail issues right on the head. We have a healthy contingent of Boston and NY fans on this site so, of course, this story is perfect. The sad part is that this article is satire, yet could just as easily be a real story.]

According to a study set to be released today by the Center for Sports Research, a whopping 96-percent of Boston sports fans have no idea how unbelievably annoying they are to those who are not supporters of the Red Sox, Patriots, Celtics and Bruins.

"It's amazing. The vast majority of these people actually think that they behave just as any other fans do, and that people who have a problem with them are simply jealous," said the study's director, Dr. Michael Kreager, a Princeton sociologist. "When in fact, almost all Boston fans have become obnoxious Massholes of the highest order."

Due to an overwhelming inferiority complex stemming from decades of playing second fiddle to New York, the study found that Boston fans are woefully lacking in knowledge of how to respectfully conduct themselves when one of their teams actually wins. But worse, they revel in their boorish behavior and seem to find more enjoyment in flaunting their good fortune in the faces of others than they do in sincerely celebrating and relishing their teams' achievements.

"The media has only contributed to this problem," said Dr. Kreager. "By harping on the years and years the Red Sox went without a championship as though it was some sort of national tragedy, Boston fans actually started to believe they were more important than fans from other cities and therefore deserved to win more. When in fact, all they were was fans of a crappy franchise."

And when the Red Sox finally won last year - on the heels of two Patriots championships that were then followed by another in February - it created a vicious cocktail that made even the most subdued and casual Boston sports fan into an obnoxious, drunken meathead, unbearably annoying to anyone with different rooting interests.

"I wanted to be happy for these people when the Patriots won, and especially when the Red Sox finally got a World Series, but I found it impossible," said Dan Miller, a Seattle native who now lives outside Boston. "Before I could even congratulate any of my friends or acquaintances they got up in my face, yelling and screaming and saying how my favorite teams suck, or leaving messages on my cell phone gloating about it. So instead of being a mild supporter of Boston teams, now I hate them with every fiber of my being. Same with most of their fans."

The study also found that some 89 percent of Boston fans believe they are the most knowledgeable fan base in the world, when in reality they are no more savvy than any other.

"We found this to be most evident in relation to the Patriots," said Dr. Kreager. "Until they made the Super Bowl in 1997, most New Englanders barely paid attention to football, but now - thanks to the Patriots winning three of the past four years - they seem to believe they invented the game or something and that their city is the epitome of all things football. Of course, once the Patriots inevitably start struggling some day, we expect most of their fans to ignore them again."

The only saving grace for Boston fans - or perhaps more for people who come into regular contact with them - is that the Celtics and Bruins continue to suck. But even in mediocrity, the Masshole-ishness finds a way to shine through.

"I personally found it hilarious that the Celtics managed to squeak into the playoffs this year and lots of Boston fans actually thought they had a legitimate shot of going to the Finals," said Dr. Kreager. "Right, with Paul Pierce, Antoine Walker and Ricky Davis - not to mention Danny Ainge in the front office - you're really a force to be reckoned with. And, of course, now that the Celtics draft has received high marks, they're all guaranteeing a few championships by the end of the decade. I usually try to step back and stay completely objective when I'm studying a group of people, but I have to say - these people are freaking morons. Absolutely unbearable."

Predictably, the ever-belligerent and cantankerous Boston fans do not agree with the study's findings.

"That is wicked stupid. People are just jealous. What - did some Yankees fan make up that study? Probably, `cause the Yankees suck!" said Tommy Reilly, a 27-year old Boston bartender. "Yeah, that's right. You heard me. The Yankees suck!"

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

The Beginning of the End or...?

The Start of something new? Are play-offs in the picture again?

The Cardinals' push for the play-offs can be described as nothing short of a miracle. Everything that can go wrong, has gone wrong. Let's see...

  1. A teammate's death during the season
  2. Serious injury to players integral to the team's success
  3. career lows and uncharacteristic sloppiness from many of the vets
  4. substance abuse problems and rehab
  5. arrest and DUI
  6. Road trip losses that spelled doom
  7. Infighting that leaked to the media

Oh, the list could go on and on...and yet, here are the Cards: 2, that's two...t-w-o games out of first place! If somebody doesn't develop a script for this season soon(including Ankiel's return and all, of course), then count myself willing to develop one. And this picture would make lots of money. Especially if the story includes a play-off appearance.

This is exactly the reason fans obsess over sports. It's the stories and the glories and the something else that ends in "ories". It's winners and whiners, the beloved and be-hated, heroes and villains-all on the same field-just as God meant it to be (who needs to watch Batman? ok, well, I do. "Wait'll they get a load of me!" AH! LOVE IT. But anyways...) The polarizing figures make it easy to 'get', and the succulent storylines make the season easy to devour. With 35 games to be played in 34 days-that's right, no more days off, yowza- the Cardinals biggest test is about to take place. And I can't wait.

Is it really almost September?

Albert Pujols: Superman in the Making?

Pssst.Here's secret video of Albert Pujols attempting to fly(in vain). Although he's been able to produce a start to his major league that compares to, if not bests,the greats, there's no word on whether he'll achieve the monikor of "flying man" anytime soon. ahahaha...ha...Aha..aha..ahem...*cough. Ah.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Things to ponder...

  • What would you rather be? Michael Vick's dog or Michael Jackson's child?

  • Who would you rather listen to for 8 hours straight? Curt Schilling or George W. Bush?

  • What would you rather sing in the rain? "I'm singin' in the Rain" or "Umbrella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh"?

  • Who'd you rather have over for dinner? Ryan Seacrest or Jeffrey Dahmer? (think carefully)

  • Where would you rather be when your team makes it to the big one? Game 7 of the WS or the Superbowl?

  • If you could sucker punch one of these people, who would you choose? (think of initial instinct and go with it) Nancy Grace or Glenn Beck? And yes, you can only choose one.

  • Whose plate would you rather eat off of? Jaba the Hutt or that unibrowed, fat guy who plays Borat's "director" in Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhtan?

  • What movie would you rather steal a scene in? Old School or The 40 Year Old Virgin?

Now, ponder my little grasshoppers. Some have right answers. And some... are just plain ol' wrong. Oh, and as for the Seacrest/Dahmer question? The nod goes to Dahmer.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

That Dude Everyone Likes

Everybody knows some person that every one likes. These revered human beings are found every where, from your inner circle to that character on tv. Here are the criteria for determining if someone fits the "Everyone likes me" mold.

  1. Someone's always defending their mishaps.
  2. The person who critiques Mr./Miss Everyone Likes Me eventually retracts their statement
  3. Everyone listens intently to what Mr./Miss Everyone Likes Me has to say.
  4. Everyone's their biggest cheerleader.
  5. It is possible for them to reach cult status.
  6. If someone mentions how much they enjoy Mr./Mrs. Everyone Likes Me's company or existance, everyone else must chime in or face possible exile. The conversation usually goes something like this:

In the right Scenario...

John Doe: Bob really is a great guy.

Jane Doe: Yeah, Bob is really great. He just has such a great laugh.

John Doe: Yeah and you can't ever get mad at Bob, he's just so great.

Jane Doe: Yeah, great!

In the wrong Scenario...

John Doe: Bob is really a great guy.

Jane Doe: (silence)

John Doe: (continuing)...yeah, Bob just has such a great laugh.

Jane Doe: Really? Bob? I mean, it's okay. But great?

John Doe: You don't like Bob's laugh? But I was just talking to Julie Doe the other day and she said it was great too...

Jane Doe: (with sarcasm) Well, if Julie says it's great, it must be.

John Doe: Really? You don't like Bob's smile? What did Bob ever do to you?

John and Jane share awkward silence. Friendship is strained. Yes. This can happen to you.

So the next time Mr./Miss Everyone Likes Me is brought up, take the time to explain how much they mean to you. It may be the way they tell their funny jokes. Or it may be the way they give everyone you know a nickname which brings your circle closer together. Either way, they can do no wrong. Even when they do something wrong. Because everyone likes them. Including you. It's just in their genes.

Exhibit A: So Taguchi of the St. Louis Cardinals. Dare to speak ill of him only if you are prepared for the barrage of defendants who come strolling your way on his behalf . For every So Taguchi insulter, there are 20 more Taguchi loyalists who are ready to fire at will. You have been warned.

Watch So Taguchi praise a TrueSleeper. (I have a feeling that even if he were selling his mother, we'd all praise the courage it takes to sell his own mother). Or watch him attempt to speak English and charm everyone with his dorky laugh.

But seriously, Taguchi's laugh is great! (This is where you agree and chime in on how great it is).

Historical Bird Butt Kicking

In honor of the Texas Rangers thrashing, scratch that, beat down of the Baltimore Orioles, 30-3, in the first game of their double header, I present to you the only other rival to that feat. A Walker Texas Ranger clip. No, this one does not show Chuck Norris (although all of those are magnificently magnificent as well)but this does feature a bird getting it's ass kicked. Close enough.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

"The stuff of legend"

Peter Gammons, writing a poetic piece for ESPN.com's The Insider and showing why he's a hall of fame writer.

"The stuff of legend"

posted: Monday, August 20, 2007

It doesn't matter if he ends up closer to Willie Smith than either Babe Ruth or Smokey Joe Wood. He doesn't worry about people he's never heard of or ghosts of baseball past that he can't fathom. "I only look forward," says Rick Ankiel. "I am who I am."

We have no way of predicting what Ankiel will become, not after fewer career plate appearances than 20 year olds in the South Atlantic League, or, through Monday, 31 career major league at-bats. Tony La Russa thinks he will eventually hit .275 to .300 with 35 to 40-something home runs, and Lou Piniella says "anyone with bat speed that serious can be really special."

It does no good to look too far forward, or for him to go back. What is important is that Rick Ankiel, at 27 years old, is doing something most everyone else in the game deems "unimaginable." Derek Lowe said it. So did Albert Pujols. "If someone had told me this story would happen," says Kerry Wood, "I'd laugh at them."

Ankiel hit two home runs and made a saving catch in one game, and he knew that he'd see video of his 2000 postseason implosion. When his remarkable story hit The Show, he wasn't surprised that his father's demons were dragged out for one more lap. "I expect it by now," he says. "I don't get upset by that stuff. It's the past. I only look forward."

What this man has endured and overcome is victory over a nightmare that lies somewhere deep within the brain of everyone who pitches in the big leagues. It isn't a quick fast-forward from the 2000 playoffs to four home runs in his first 31 at-bats as a Cardinal outfielder. It's been seven years of trips to the back fields of the Jupiter complex, elbow and shoulder operations.

We're not talking about just some guy. Ankiel was, arguably, among the handful of best young pitchers of this generation. In the summer in which he turned 21, he went 11-7 in 175 innings, allowed 137 hits and struck out 194 batters. Then came the Camus moments (11 walks, nine wild pitches, four innings) in the playoffs.

I remember that March day in 2005, when I was walking around the Cardinals' complex and spotted Ankiel down on a lower field, a solitary player with three coaches. I knew it had come back, as the smartest of sports psychologists tells you it usually does. I took off across the complex, hoping he didn't see me and think I was watching his misery, because he deserved better.

That afternoon, Ankiel told La Russa and Walt Jocketty that was it. He was done pitching. Jocketty, ever supportive, told him to think about becoming an outfielder. Ankiel went home, plopped down, and now says he "felt as if the weight of the world were off [his] shoulders." The next day, he reported to the Jupiter complex as an outfielder -- beginning the next step program. He played at Springfield and Quad Cities. Had 321 at-bats and hit 21 homers. "He could always hit," says John DiPuglia, the scout who signed him. "We took him to Busch Stadium, and he hits one ball after another into the upper deck."

Former All-Star reliever and Cardinals roving pitching coach Bill Campbell remembers throwing to Ankiel on a pitching rehab. "I was amazed at where he hit balls," says Campbell. Asked if he wish he'd started out in professional baseball as an outfielder, Ankiel says, "That's not really fair. The Cardinals signed me as a pitcher."

Does he ever wish he could roll back his life on videotape and go back on the mound in the 2000 playoffs?

"No," says Ankiel. "I don't go back."

Fast-forward to February, 2006. Ankiel was taking batting practice in Jupiter. He came out of the cage and said, "This is the happiest I've felt in professional baseball." Two days later, in the Cardinals' first intrasquad game, Ankiel tore up his knee, and ended up being out for the season.

"Sure," he says, "there was a stretch where I thought it wasn't meant to be. But I wanted to do the rehab and see where I was. As it turned out, it was something of a blessing. I needed to get bigger and stronger asnd go from a pitcher's body to a player's body to hold up for the season. So I used that as a motivating factor."

He was asked if he felt any self-pity. "No," Ankiel replied. "I had a lot of good fortune. I know a lot of people who weren't lucky like me."

This is not about luck. It's about genes and character. He went to Triple-A Memphis this spring at 27 and led the Pacific Coast League in homers with 32 when he was recalled. His 389 at-bats were a career high, and while his 25-to-90 walk-to-strikeout ratio indicated how much he has to learn, he was still having a monster home run season.

"Every day, I learn something about seeing pitches and hitting,"Ankiel says. "I understand I have a lot to learn, but I can only learn from at-bats and seeing balls come out of pitchers' hands."

Few of us can comprehend the complex public humiliation that Ankiel experienced. Few, if any, Hall of Fame players could have put it all aside and do what Ankiel has done to get back in such a short time by our clocks that seem like generations to him.

Tip your hat to Rick's mother, to his wife Lory, to those who stood beside him. In all this, his privacy was violated, his natural athleticism turned inward. His life was Camus' "The Stranger," and the brilliant writer summed up Ankiel's story: "In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me lies an invincible summer."

Rick Ankiel's eventual place on the Baseball Immortals page doesn't matter now. What he has done matters, an accomplishment that only the warped can minimize. Right now, I don't care if he is Babe Ruth or Clint Hartung. What I do care about is the fact that this man overcame demons and dreams and pain few have ever experienced.

Every time I look at Rick Ankiel, I think he is a better man than me.

Don't Count Out the Cards

It's August 21st, 2007 and the Cardinals are merely 3 games out of first place. My wish? Not only for the Cardinals to make the playoffs, but for Rick Ankiel to provide post season heroics that'll reinvent the way we think of him. Instead of "Rick Ankiel: former wild pitcher" I want to see "Rick Ankiel: Post season Hero". Not that he isn't a hero to millions of baseball fans already.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Believe it, baby

Back Back Back...to the Majors

Word on the street...(ok, word from every major news outlet)... is that former pitching phenom Rick Ankiel will start right field tonight. Wonder who they're sending down to bring him up...

Update: He returned, he played, he conquered. Ankiel returned with a bang, literally, hitting a 3 run shot to help the Cards down the Padres. They're all saying it, but this is better than a movie. Who would believe this comeback in a film? We'd think it was too unrealistic or corny. But it's true. Good for Ankiel.

Two overlooked important developments. Piniero pitched a scoreless game to help his team beat Chris Young, the owner of the best ERA in the majors. Also, Scott Spiezio was put on the restricted list due to substance abuse problems. Such a dichotamy of emotions in this game.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Huh?

I don't know what's weirder.

The fact that Aaron Miles pitched a 10 pitch scoreless inning, or the fact that when I went to look up (the now Bigfoot level) missing footage of this on youtube.com, the top search results were "my snake eating an egg" and "my snake eating a mouse".

Cushions as Confetti

It's hard to believe there was a time when the Cardinals were struggling...wait no,that's not it. Hmmmmmm let me think of another reason to post this. OH! I've got it. This is an inspiration to the Cardinals of '07. See, this was following an 8 game losing streak. Thinks were pretty desperate, and well, give the fans some cushions and they'll celebrate like it's the World Series. Little did we know that 4 months later we WOULD win the WS. Moral of the story: Celebrate every win like it's seat cushion night.

Every Moose Has His Day

And the music makes it an even more comedic moment. It's just so...happy and bubbly before the collision occurs.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

BONDS BREAKS HR RECORD

...and I still can't find the perfect jeans.

But on Tuesday night, August 6, 2007, Bonds hit home run 756 to break Henry Aaron's home run record which stood for 39 years.

Some of us are just productive, ok?

p.s. I originally wrote "naturally productive" but decided against it.

Captain Lou Trumps Brit the Baldy

Looks like the plate throwing came through.

Last week I asked "whose meltdowns entertain more...Lou Piniella or Britney Spears?" and you resoundingly (100%) chose Lou Piniella. See Lou? You're a winner in my book, even if you do coach the Cubbies.

Like everyone else, I am going to die. But the words – the words live on
for as long as there are readers to see them, audiences to hear them. It is
immortality by proxy. It is not really a bad deal, all things considered.
-J. Michael Straczynski

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