Avoiding a Disaster isn't as Fun as it Sounds

I pride myself on being a Cardinals fan, in case you haven't noticed. There are some things in life that I'm never ashamed to admit. I have no qualms about telling anyone I'm Palestinian. I leave no apologies for being a Muslim. And of course, I relish in every opportunity to claim my undying love for my Cardinals. Whenever I go to Chicago, for example, I always consider taking some item of Cardinals clothing to wear or a hat to showcase in the car just because there's that small window of opportunity to piss a Cubs fan off.

Still, there's a certain amount of shattered pride and utter embarassment that goes along with witnessing night after night of suffocating losses. In what every sportswriter seemed to twistedly enjoy describing in their little articles as a "total meltdown" or "historic collapse", I didn't have the guts to write about my Cardinals in the last 2 weeks because I feared the worst. I'll admit, I don't take embarassment well. I didn't want to say something I would regret. On the other hand, ever the optimist even in their most dire moments, I refused to throw the towel in. I was more afraid of admitting we were choking than anything else. Well, almost as afraid of actually choking, anyway.

But something happened that most of those twisted writers didn't expect. We didn't collapse (completely). With the help of two strong pitching performances from Weaver (who would've thought?) and rookie Anthony Reyes, timely hitting from the great Albert Pujols and Scott Speizio, and an Atlanta Braves team intent on punishing the Astros for last year's painful 20+ inning game and ultimately series loss, the Cardinals managed to avoid becoming a coined phrase.

"Whoa, they're choking. Think they'll pull a Cardinals'?"

Don't get me wrong, I'm not ignoring the fact that our division was the weakest or that the Cardinals' measly 83 wins are the least amount for a division winner needed to get into the post-season. I don't pretend to think that our first round opponent, the padres, didn't beat the Cardinals in the regular season 4 games to 2. I'm aware of the fact there's a chance the Cardinals may be embarassed on national television.

That said, there's a certain amount of satisfaction in knowing the White Sox, who totally dismantled the Cardinals in June, aren't in the post season and the measly Cardinals are. Or that EPSN.com's Page 2 writer Eric Neel who listed a number of reasons he wanted to see the Cardinals collapse, won't get his wish fulfilled (I also don't pretend to understand why that damn Red Sox fan hates us so much. His team whooped us, what more does he want?).

It's the post-season, not everyone makes it to the play-offs. Only 8 teams and 8 cities get to enjoy the moment and pretend they have a chance, large or miniscule, at winning it all. As much as this season has represented one huge rollercoaster of emotions, with its high highs and very low lows, nearly getting to the point of that rollercoaster running off its tracks, a new season begins. If there's anything I've learned in watching sports, it's that October produces miracles.

Unlike the previous two post-seasons, I don't carry high hopes for my Cardinals. I feel like a mom watching her 5 year old son about to play in a game filled with 10 year olds. I find my team in unfamiliar territory as the underdogs. But that's ok, everyone loves an underdog. (Assuming Eric Neel isn't in this picture)

If we lose, we lose. But if we win, perhaps this ride (near freak accident included) was worth it all.

Notable Quotables

Before you read on, just know that a certain team from a certain city will not be mentioned because of the sensativity of the current situation. I will provide my thoughts after the unspeakable does or does not occur.

As for now, I offer a series of quotes taken from my Geology Instructor that I have compiled over the semester thus far. Once I realized how insane and funny this harmless, nice, likeable old guy was, I knew I had to write them down. What's great about them is that all you need to know is he's a Geology nerd. That's All :)

• "It's like putting a midget up against a sumo wrestler. You know who's gonna win.......unless the midget has a gun."
• "Elements....not to be confused with elephants"

• "Stinks, doesn't it? It's like a scratch 'N Sniff fart"

• "Rose Quartz...sounds like an exotic dancer or stripper or something. (later) Smokey Quartz: Does not prevent forest fires"
• "It sounds like one of you are french kissing a balloon"

• in Conan O'Brian voice: "Nothing but the best for my babies!"

• "That's a raw uncut diamond, not a booger"

• Someone is hunched over a desk, unmoving and arms fall to either side (sleeping): "uh oh, I think I killed somebody"

• "Minerals aren't quite as sexy as volcanic eruptions"

• "Volcanic eruptions get Pierce Brosnan. Nobody does a movie about quartz"

• "you wanna see mother nature's equivalent of beef jello?"

• "It's carbonized. Like Hans Solo in Star Wars"

• "Is a Pluton a Futon? Only if you're a Clingon. Warf would lie on an igneous bed and say (in Warf's voice): A WARRIOR'S BED!"

Head On-Apply Directly to the Forehead

Friday August 25, 2006

They win. Damn those "Head On" people. What do you do with Head On? You apply it directly to the forehead. This line will be engraved throughout the deep recesses of my mind until I am no more. One day, at the very late stages of seniority, I will sit in my corner rubbing my cat and all I will say is "Head On-Apply directly to the forehead...Head On-Apply directly to the forehead...Head On-Apply directly to the forehead...".

Nursing Home caretaker: "Ms. Ead, do you want to have lunch?"

Me: "Head On-Apply directly to the forehead..."

Like I said, they win. It almost makes me want to go into Marketing. Or commit suicide.

Speaking of suicide, the Cardinals make me want to commit suicide. What I find interesting is that everyone who knows I am a Cardinals fan keeps saying something along the lines of, "What's happening to your Cardinals?" as if I'm directly responsible for their demise. I will have you know that every game I've attended this season, we've won. So it's not me. Unless those clubhouse speeches I keep giving before the games aren't working. I'm sorry, I thought the speech I've fondly titled "you win this or your families die" was motivational or the time I said, " Taguchi, I think Jimmy has a crush on you" was good for their chemistry. I was just trying to help.

Since there's currently nothing positive to say about the Cardinals (except that I still love them in a 'disappointed father after his son dropped out of college' sort of way), I've decided to make something up. Today, I will create a skit that explains what kind of mindset the Cardinals are in and what goes on in their daily lives. I want to amuse myself. I've titled it, "THE CLUBHOUSE"

A Nelly song is heard booming through-out the clubhouse. That's probably Edmonds' fault. Athletes are congregated in seperate cliques, as we've all imagined. The only loner is Aaron Miles, who eats Banana peels in the video room because it's dark in there and he thinks no one can see him doing that. Only, everyone knows he's doing that.

Tony LaRussa is in his office with Dave Duncan and Jeff Weaver talking over the game plan for the 1st game of the Cardinals-Mets series to take place in an hour.

D. Duncan: Like I said, just take it easy. You'll be fine because we have no other choice.

LaRussa: And whatever you do, do not...I repeat, do NOT give up any grandslams. That is the only thing we ask of you today. You can make love to Edmonds, you can eat Miles for all I care, just do not give a grandslam up today and I think we'll be okay.

Weaver: Eat Miles?

LaRussa: I was just jok...(Tony's cut off by Weaver)

Weaver: No, no... can I?

LaRussa looks over into the video room where Aaron Miles' eyes are darting back and forth as he clearly eats banana peels.

LaRussa: knock yourself out. Anyways, remember what I said and send Isringhausen in.

Weaver seeks out the closer, Izzie, in the clubhouse and spots him chatting with the rookie reliever Adam Wainwright.

Izzie smacks and streches the gum in his mouth, torturing it without mercy. He manages to speak lazily but with a sense of menace.

Isringhausen: So basically, kid, like I was saying, the chicks dig the long ball and that is why I keep giving 'em up, mmkay? I mean, if you can't satisfy the ladies, what's the point of being a closer. You dig? Besides, if anyone complains on the team, I'll do what I did to Bob the Sailor. Mmkay?

Wainwright: "Bob the Sailor?", he asks with disbelief in his voice, "I've never heard of him"

Isringhausen: Exactly. All he had to do was listen to me. And Izzie stares at Wainwright without blinking for what seems like hours.

Wainwright feels uncomfortable, as if he's talking to a boy who's boasting about successfully stealing money from his mother's purse. His eyes are avoiding Izzie's, as if not making contact with the evil will keep it at bay. He tries to focus on Pujols who is across the room speaking to a group of avid and ashamed listeners.

He speaks with the usual deep, thick accent. He almost sounds pained at having to speak, but does so anyway.

Pujols: I don't understand what your problem is. This is enough. I'm sick of it. No, listen, it actually makes me physically sick to be around it. I threw up last night. You don't want to make me throw up, do you?

Pujols stares deeply in each pair of eyes. He stares into Molina's who shakes his head, then Chris Duncan's but gives him a wink, then Encarnacion's who looks confused and finally Taguchi's. He stops at Taguchi's and keeps staring until Taguchi finally lowers his gaze.

Taguchi: I am truely a-sorry sensay. I have foresaken you.

Pujols: Yes. I almost want to throw you in that room with Miles.

Taguchi quickly looks up with tears glistening in his eyes. His face flushes and he clears his throat.

Taguchi: No, I do better. Give me chance SenSay. He looks over into the video room and sees Weaver hovering at the glass window eyeing Miles and licking his lips.

Pujols looks over Taguchi's shoulder and sees Belliard walking into a seperate room alone.

Pujols:Hey fat boy, I told you to steer clear of there. The buffet is still off limits. He puts his hands to his face and whispers to himself, "I miss Hector".

Crestfallen, Belliard re-routes and makes his way toward the group watching T.V. Jim Edmonds, Scott Rolen and Eckstein are watching "Project Runway".

Rolen: This makes me feel weird.

Eckstein:This is a good episode

Edmonds: I think it's magical. And he falls violently to his right.

Belliard, uncomfortable at seeing this, notices the other two do not take their eyes off the television. Edmonds gets back up.

Belliard: What the hell was that?

Rolen: Ignore it, he's being dramatic.

Eckstein: He's practicing.

Pujols is heard in the background yelling at Weaver in front of the video room.

Pujols: I don't care what Tony said, you CAN'T eat him.

Weaver whispers something inaudible to the rest of the room.

Pujols: (angrily) And stay the hell away from Eckstein too, you monster!

Eckstein turns around and says, "what?" but they ignore him as Edmonds violently falls over to his left.

Pujols: Jimmy,what the hell, man? The doctor said your concussion would heal if you stopped falling on your head.

Edmonds: Yeah, I know, I can't help it. And he falls hard to the ground.

Encarnacion is seen in the corner speaking Spanish to the mirror, saying "You're a lion....no... no, you're a tiger". He growls.

Molina runs over to Pujols and hugs him from behind.

Molina: I was thinking about what you said about sucking and I'm sorry. I love you, big guy.

Pujols does not move for a moment but turns around and embraces Molina.

Pujols: Shhhh, it's ok, I know.

Eckstein's mother walks into the clubhouse and over to her son. She hands him a Power Rangers lunch box as he shifts back and forth on his legs in anticipation.

Eckstein's mom: Here's your lunch, dear.

A loud number of groans and "Taguchi No!" come from a corner of the room as Taguchi tries to impale himself with a baseball bat, an honor killing.

Pujols:Who let him near a bat again!?!?

Boom! Edmonds falls on a banana peel, getting knocked unconscious this time. Everyone looks over at Miles who says, "what?".

Taguchi, in a fit of rage, violently attacks Aaron Miles with his baseball bat, also kicking him and screaming "damnit Mirrrres. Damn you Mirrrres". This gruesome display goes on for a few minutes before Rolen attempts to break up the fight, but Pujols holds him back and says, "Let them fight this one out, Scott." and Scott nods his head.

LaRussa is overheard telling Izzie, "Just don't give up a walk off homer, you sunofabitch. Don't do that." Mumbling is heard before Tony declares, "yeah eat him if it helps, I don't care, just don't give up a walk off homer."

Jose Oqeundo walks into the clubhouse and tells Pujols,

"I had a dream last night that you hit a 3-run homer and a grand-slam!"

Pujols: 7 R.B.I.'s? I've never done that before. Sounds like this is going to be a good day.

Oquendo Smiles but sees the ruckus in the corner and at the sound of Taguchi yelling, "DAMN your banana peels!" asks, "What the hell is up with Taguchi?"

Enough about me! How've ya been?

Hello all! Sorry I've been gone for a while. My bad. It's just that time flies during the summer. Baseball has been an up and down thing with me.

I have to also admit, I'm obsessed with the whole myspace thing. I didn't want to use the word obsessed but the thesaurus tells me other words I could've used were gripped, preoccupied, consumed, fixated, and possessed, and well...pretty much all of that applies to me. I would like to act like a good portion of the population who runs a myspace page and says "whatever, I'm doing this because my friends told me to" or "I still don't know why I signed up for this" but they're lying. It's fun being nosey. I like critisizing everyone else's pictures, pages and surveys. I like knowing every little thing about people. Maybe it's my innate arab mentality or maybe it's just human nature. Either way, I love it.

Not much has happened with me since the beginning of August. I haven't even gotten that haircut placed in my mental to-do list for months now.

I've gone to a protest condemning Israel's disproportianate use of force against the Palestinians and Lebanese in the last 2 months. Although, they always use disproportionate force against Palestinians, so who are we kidding? It was nice seeing other people being proactive. (Does that make anyone else think of acne medication?)

I went to the baseball game that broke the Cards 8 game losing streak. Your Welcome. And no, not the first one, the second 8 game losing streak. Cardinal fans have been so spoiled for the last few years, I never thought I'd have to talk about losing streaks ever again (besides the play-offs, silly). But there the 8 game losing streaks are, dancing in front of me like the devilish facts they've become. As a baseball fan, I know that news doesn't bode well for our hopes of winning it all this year. As a Cardinals fan, I fantasize that this is all part of His plan to make us really appreciate the pending World Series win. I also like to theorize that we're getting the losing aura out of the way now before the post season, as opposed to recent trends. Of course, it's fantasy but as a sports fan, we all thrive on fantasies. We even have leagues where we can all fantasize together. So there you go. We are a sick, sick group of people.

Well, the Cardinals won today's game against Cincinatti in dramatic fashion. The good news is we're 2 and 1/2 games in front of them now. The bad news is we're headed to Chi-town for a 3 game series. If any of this year's previous games in Chicago should indicate how the Cardinals should perform, then I predict we should win...oh...say..according to my calculations...about zero games. I guess I'll pray. Or I'll fantasize He planned on us losing all the previous games played in Chicago so we could sweep in dramatic fashion towards the end of the year. Whatever.

Off topic, I can hear Titanic playing on our television in the backround. I need to ask, why didn't Jack use any other floating debris from the ship to save himself. Or why didn't he and Rose take turns. I know it's cause he "loved her" but I just thought love went both ways. If she loves him, she'll share. Good movie, though.

oooh, it's the part where the life-boats won't go back to save the people in the water. I love the accents and how the guy says in cockney English "shut yo' trap"... or something like that.

Ok, so I know everyone's been watching the news or reading about it online. I'm confused because the press berated the Ramseys (of Jon-Benet Ramsey) for apparently "exploiting" their daughter while she was alive ( because of the whole child beauty queen thing) but it seems that the press has been exploiting the girl's death for ten years now. Let's think about this. Jon Benet was here for 6 years and 10 years later her picture's still on the cover of magazines and all over the news. It's just insane.

Apart from that, the news generally pisses me off, in case you couldn't tell already. It's all about sensationalism and which host of a program gets the most shock and awe out of people. CNN has Nancy Grace and Glenn Beck. CNN! F.Y.I,it is not the most trusted name in news anymore.Yuck.

By the way, here's something to look forward to. Albert Pujols will be a guest on David Letterman's Friday August, 25th. I'm so psyched about seeing Albert charm the pants off of Dave. Oh and the cardinals are playing the N.Y. Mets that week. (fingers crossed very, very, very, very tightly. Very tightly)

Take care peeps. Be good. Don't drink and drive. Don't do drugs. Be nice to people. Commit acts of kindness (don't commit crimes). And smile. ~Badia

I proudly clench my fist

The American media has gone beyond irresponsible and biased in the last few years. I long for the days when the late Peter Jennings gave news accounts that were based on truth as opposed to the reports that come about now in all their false glory and have me shaking my head and yelling at the television. I feel that if Israel told CNN reporters the sky was neon green with flying camels, the report of neon green skies and flying camels would come back to America. It wouldn't surprise me to hear a report that Israel killed a 2 month old baby (not a novelty)because it felt insecure with its crying, especially if Bush responded with an "Israel has a right to defend itself".

Israel has a right to defend itself? Really? As if Israel is the only country that has a right to defend itself. The mere audacity of that statement makes my blood boil.

While I was in Palestine, and in ongoing attacks that are taking place at this very moment, reports of Israeli soldiers committing massacres, because that's what purposefully killing numbers of innocent civilians is, was on the news daily. Israel claimed to be targeting "militants", but for every suspected militant they assassinated, they killed another 10 innocent bystanders. Hundreds of Palestinians have died in the recent weeks but Israel has since laid claim to being victimized once again with one of its soldiers having been captured. Notice I didn't use the word kidnapped because a soldier illegally occupying another country and making life miserable for millions does not deserve the word kidnapped.

If this "democratic "Israel is leading by example, as the American government has repeatedly reminded us, then the cost of one captured Israeli soldier would equal at least 200 Palestinian lives. What would it cost for an actual dead soldier? For every one of these Palestinian lives, should the Palesitinians seek revenge to what would amount to 40,000 Israeli lives? Why does it bother Americans to know an Israeli soldier to be imprisoned, but the illegal imprisonment of over 10,000 Palestinian men, women and children who aren't even considered militants is ignored? Why is it OK for most of these prisoners to be imprisoned without a trial or sentence, a policy Israel has infamously followed for as long as its existance.

I can't even begin to explain how violated, humiliated and oppressed the Palestinians are right now. They are doubley violated. Once by Israel and the second time by the American media who refuses to recognize Israel for what they are: The oppressors, not the oppressed. The Palestinians aren't the ones who perpetrated the Holocaust. They are the ones who have had their homeland taken away from them. They are the ones who live in a virtual diaspora now, with at least 3.1 million refugees and generations of an ignored plight who live as second and third class citizens, even in the Arab world.

How can a nation whose 3 out of every 4 citizens living below the poverty line be considered a security threat to a country that recieves more monetary and military aid than the whole African continent and is the 13th most powerful military in the world? (Although I dispute even that low of a number for Israel has the most powerful country in the world in its corner)

The recent response Israel has taken to Lebanon further shows the trigger happy nation as more dangerous to the Middle East than the other way around. I've heard American Media try to make the situation sound equally devastating for both sides and have heard one famous news face say that "scores of civilians have died on both sides" which infuriated me. He didn't point out that over 200 mostly Lebanese civilians had died as opposed to the 24 Israeli lives. This disproportionate number should have been pointed out at that point, but I forgot that this media had taken the Israeli math class. 1 Israeli=more valuable than any arab life.

Some Americans are taking notes and trying to claim that Israel has a right to defend itself (yawn) and that Hezbollah should not even exist because of UN resolution 1559. I wasn't aware of the fact that the United States and Israel complied with UN resolutions. All I can say is that U.S. government should have "persuaded" its eternal ally Israel to comply with UN resolution 242 and UN resolution 381 which called for the immediate withdrawal of occupying forces from Palestine which would have meant less bloodshed in the region and less groups like Hezballah fighting against the occupiers. (Israel had occupied southern Lebanon for almost 20 years. )

CNN's Glenn Beck went as far as to say that the only people responsible for the Lebanese deaths were the Lebanese themselves because Hezballah exists and not Israel. So what Glenn Beck is saying is that a democratic parliament that includes two members of a group that were voted in represent a whole population who deserves to die? The government does not equal to the civilan population. What Glenn is saying, is that innocent civilians are responsible for their own deaths because of another nation's hatred of a government or their policies which the civlians may have nothing to do with. In other words, 9/11. Those men, women and children in their apartment buildings and gas stations in Lebanon deserved to die no more than the people in the Twin Towers and doomed flights. That is what Glenn Beck is telling us and that statement infuriates Arabs as much as 9/11 infuriates any American.

As for all those know-it-alls who insist the Lebanese government is responsible for having no control over Hezballah, I offer Iraq and the hundreds of thousands of the best trained and powerful American military forces who cannot control insurgants.

Think twice before you watch the news and soak in every word they tell you. Think twice about supporting a state which has caused the world over to view Americans as hypocrites. Remember that this current American administration who has created a civil war of this bloodbath we call Iraq does not always work in the best interest of Americans. I'm not asking you to support Hezballah or attack Israel, I'm asking you to look at the Palestinian and Lebanese lives the same as you would an Israeli. I'm asking you to put yourself in the shoes of the Palestinians who have no freedom or justice, who are subjected to death and destruction, who are met with racism and apartheid. Look beyond the empty words and excuses and into the truth.

Israel's former prime minister and resident evil, Golda Meir, once said "You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist". I offer that sentence back to the Israelis, although I also add, we cannot shake hands with the barrel of a gun. Israel has pointed that gun at us for as long as they existed. If we clenched our fists, we did so out of frustration.

Land and Settlement Issues

At the heart of the Israel/Palestine conflict lies the question of land and who rules it. The collision of Jewish nationalist colonisation and Palestian nationalism, both laying claim to the same territory, forms the basis of this long conflict, deepened by the tragedies of the Holocaust and of the dispossession and occupation of Palestine. The United Nations partition of the land in 1947, an effort to resolve the two claims simultaneously, did not result in a lasting settlement.

Since the war of 1967, Palestinians have come to accept the reality of Israel within the 1948 boundaries. The land dispute has increasingly focused on Israel's occupation of the remaining territories -- the West Bank, Gaza Strip and East Jerusalem. UN Resolutions 242 and 338 stipulate that Israel must withdraw completely from these territories. Israel has not withdrawn, however, and it has built many Jewish settlements in the territories, actions deemed illegal by virtually all other states. The Oslo Accords (1993) and the Road Map (2003) have failed to reach a land agreement between the parties or to bring Israeli withdrawal.

Since 2002, the Israeli government has been building a "security fence" that winds deep into Palestinian territory, claiming the barrier would keep Palestinian suicide bombers from striking Israeli citizens. But this separation wall is a major de facto annexation of Palestinian territories, as is Israel's continued settlement-building. The International Court of Justice has ruled that Israel's West Bank barrier violates international law, but the unequal struggle over the land of Palestine continues.

This page taken from http://www.globalpolicy.org/security/issues/israel-palestine/occupindex.htm

Israel, Palestine and the Occupied Territories

The question of Palestine and Israel commanded the attention of the UN since the organization was founded. The UN General Assembly voted the original partition of the land in November 1947 and the UN deployed its first peacekeeping operation to monitor the ceasefire lines after the war of 1948. This site introduces readers to the key issues, with a special focus on UN involvement in the conflict.

For many years, successive Israeli governments refused to consider a Palestinian state, while most Arabs denied the legitimacy of Israel. In the 1970s both sides began to recognize the need for compromise. The Palestinians proposed a separate state, claiming as their homeland the territories outside the 1948 ceasefire lines, territories occupied by Israel in the 1967 war. This idea found widespread support in the international community, and Israel was called on to withdraw from this land in UN Security Council Resolutions 242 and 338.

Israel's 1967 occupation of other territories complicated the matter. Israel seized Egypt's Sinai Peninsula and Syria's Golan Heights and set up settlements in both. Israel also invaded Lebanon in 1978 and 1982 and maintained a long-term occupation in the southern part of the country. These wars and occupations were related to the Palestine question and deepened the political crisis surrounding it. Even after Israel eventually withdrew from Egypt and Lebanon, the Palestine (and Golan) occupations continued.

Since resolutions 242 and 338, the Security Council has taken no significant steps to end the Israel-Palestine conflict. United States influence has generally kept the issue off the Council's agenda. When Council members have introduced resolutions, responding to periodic crises, the US has repeatedly used its veto on Israel's behalf. The General Assembly has taken a more active and creative role in the conflict, yet its resolutions are non-binding and have largely symbolic weight.

Key issues that plague the stalled "peace process" include: Israel's occupation, Israeli settlements and settlement-building, security for Israelis and Palestinians, sovereignty over Jerusalem, and the right of return of 3.7 million stateless Palestinian refugees.

This page found on http://www.globalpolicy.org/security/issues/isrlindx.htm