Watch.

Palestinians have learned much from their Israeli neighbors. When it comes to the Palestinians, the world is just as prejudiced as the Israelis.

The life of a Palestinian is worth as much as how it could protect an Israeli. If the Israeli government has done one thing without prejudice, it is in choosing their victims.

Step right up to the amazing circus known as the Palestinian-Israeli conflict. Come see the way the Palestinians are forced to evacuate their homes, which will be bulldozed in order to make room for Israeli settlers. Genocide is a way of life! Come! Come see how the animals in this show dare to scream at the injustice! Who knew they could talk, let alone scream!? Come watch the blood flow in the streets all in the name of security! Remember kids, you must sacrifice your humanity in order to gain security! Do not fear the wrath of God in response to your killing of innocent people, for God has promised you this land, thus giving you the green light to kill. Kill. Kill! He wouldn’t have it any other way.

Right to defend themselves? Bah! That’s only a phrase we know! Like retaliation. Ours. Like terrorism. Ours. Like homeland. Ours. Like diaspora. Ours. Like security. Ours. Like rights. Ours. Like Palestine. Ours. Ours. Ours. It’s all ours.

Let them tell you how the world would be a better place without Gaza entirely. Destroy!Destroy! Destroy! It must be gone. Be done with them! They must disappear because they practiced democracy! We told them lies. We told them we supported democracy. Then we took away what little freedom they had left. Freedom to eat! Freedom to drink! Freedom to live without stewing in their own filth! Filth. Filth. Filthy lies!

Come give these sheep pats on the head for taking it all in stride as we tear them limb from limb. They musn’t complain, musn’t argue, musn’t fight. Musn’t. Musn’t. Musn’t.

Now watch the children cry. Watch them all die. Watch them be buried alive. Watch from the comforts of your towering skyscrapers and soothing sandy beaches in Tel Aviv. Watch from the comfort of the homes you stole from the people who still carry the keys to their doors in Jerusalem. Watch from the holiday light strewn houses in America, where we complain that we can’t afford another cup of Starbucks coffee today because of, you know, the bad economy and all. Watch. Watch. Watch.

Now be silent. Kill. Ours. Destroy. Filth. Musn’t. Watch.

Is Bush's Mom an Arab?

The only people who should have the reflexes to dodge thrown shoes are Arab children. We all have childhood stories of frustrated moms throwing their sandals at us, or chasing us down with them to do some close-up damage.

In Palestine, we call these sandals "shib-shibs". Shib-shib sounds just as funny in Arabic as it does in English-we admit it. And we deserved every thrown Shib-shib at us. We were like little devil children pushing the boundaries of sanity within our parents at every opportune moment. And inopportune moment-hence getting a blast to the head with a thrown shib-shib. The reason we had shib-shibs thrown at us and not a few slaps to the rear was because we were so bad, we'd run for our lives, knowing whatever happened once we got caught was something we had coming for a while. It doesn't help that Arab parents tend to give birth to us in multiples of 5, like rabbits. So they didn't have time to spank one, while children number 2,3,4 and 5 were running around wreaking more havoc.

By the way, Arab adults don't throw shoes at one another. We generally just yell to prove our point. And what was up with the secret service!? It's like they gave the guy time to throw the second shoe on purpose cause he missed with the first one. That was craziness!

Well, I guess Bush needed one more image to leave from his Presidency. We didn't have to think of him choking on a pretzel or his reaction to 9/11 or standing in front of the Mission Accomplished sign or fail to escape through locked doors or tell the head of FEMA he did a heck of a job when he didn't do sh*t as people drowned or give one of his many Bushisms...just to name a few.

No, we needed to see him dodge shoes. Perhaps a fittingly looney farewell to a looney Presidency.

Jellicle Cats for Evil Souls

What the hell is a Jellicle Cat? I have no frickin’ idea. I’m not even taking the time to google “jellicle cats” because I don’t care. Who knew they could make a whole musical out of people dressed up as “jellicle cats.” Who the hell knew?

I entered Fox Theatre for the first time on Saturday for a musical that literally made me question life itself.

“There is no plot,” my cousin, who accompanied me and is responsible for acquiring the tickets from a supposed “friend”, whispered in frustration as we sat before a stage of humans dressed as cats singing about…I still seriously do not know, 10 minutes into the damn thing.

“What the hell is happening? Why is this happening?” I begged to know.

To make a long story short, we sat through song after song about a gay cat that reminded my cousin of Freddy Mercury and reminded me of the transvestite from Transylvania in ‘The Rocky Horror Picture Show’, a fat cat (seriously, why was he there?), annoying thieve cats-one of which could have also played the gay cat, a bum cat that all the other cats treated like sh*t, and an old cat they admired for some reason-like he was some king-cat. It was a load of creepy nonsense and songs that sucked monkey brains.

Why did I go? The tickets were free and I had never been to Fox Theatre before, so I was curious. I warned my cousin about how stupid this thing looked, especially after having seen a performance from it during a Tony Awards telecast I was watching and can’t remember why.

I wondered about the actors. I wondered if they were desperate to be in anything that happened to do with theater. Then I wondered what I would compare it to. I think it would be like me writing for the local paper about the kind of grass fertilizer people in a community use. Or it would be like writing press releases for a funeral home. Do they do that? If they did, that would be the equivalent of performing in Cats.

Even though my cousin begged to leave before intermission, I insisted on following theater etiquette and staying until the intermission came to escape. Beforehand, we honestly tried not to laugh loud enough for people who were probably…what’s the word…enjoying (???) …it to be annoyed by us. I looked around to see what grown men were doing. Some were sleeping, probably forced to come with their wives after a long day of work.Some were looking around at the much more interesting ceiling décor-like I did-and some were actually, gasp, into it. Those guys probably lost their manhood a long time ago.

Btw, I’d like to give a shout out to the girl who sat in our row and actually tripped on her heels on her way back to her seat and fell into our laps, stabbing my cousin’s foot with her heel. Whatsup girrrrl?!?!

Also, I’ve been listening to a lot of my Harry Potter audio book in my car lately. And I thought that Rowling should’ve made Cats one of the horcruxes. Because that sh*t must’ve had a fragment of Voldemort’s soul into it. That show was evil and seemed to enjoy torturing me.

Anyways, good day.

Check Out My Mind, Yo

Another segment on random crap that's been going through my head:

• It's funny when the 10 year olds in my fourth grade class think Obama might be Muslim. It's pathetic when adults do.

• I would like to talk to Gov. Palin in private and see if she really talks like that. I'm just curious.

• What the hell is up with people who are still not ashamed of having supported Bush? I still see "W" stickers on peoples' cars! Are they asking for road rage? Are they unaware of the state of the country? Are they the same type of people who swim in shark infested waters to prove they don't care? I really, really would like to know what is happening in their thick skulls. Do they believe we will admire their stubborn support of Dubya?

• I also think people who voted for Bush TWICE should not be able to vote. They are obviously mentally challenged.

• If you have voted for Bush twice, you are not allowed to have an opinion on this election. Especially those of you saying Obama is "inexperienced". I hereby revoke your right to judge anyone else. Ever. You had your chance and you voted for Dumbass-in-Chief. Now the country's in the crapper. Go away. You are terrible at this "judgement of character"-thing.

• I know I'm not supposed to let politics get in the way of my friendships, but I want to punch people who support McCain/Palin. McCain-who chose Sarah "she-Bush" Palin. McCain-who is allowing these robocalls to scare people into thinking Obama is a terrorist. McCain-who is trying to tag "socialist" on Obama. I'm sorry, but no. If you are choosing McCain at this point, I have to rethink our relationship. I think we need a break.

• I was so disappointed to see John Elway support McCain. What the heck? I think I'm generally disappointed whenever anybody supports McCain right now.

• Elizabeth Hassleback needs a bitch-slap. Hold me back.

Strength in Numbers

Missouri proved there was truth to its “Show Me State” title yesterday, as an estimated 100,000 people gathered for a rally under the Gateway Arch in St. Louis in support of Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama. When I first heard Sen. Obama’s rally was to be held beneath the historic monument, I imagined the powerful images a large crowd could produce. But not even in my wildest dreams did I fathom St. Louis would produce the largest crowd ever for an Obama rally in North America.

But I can tell you that as I looked among my fellow St. Louisans on my metro ride over to the downtown area, I could feel an excitement and feeling in the air that I can only describe as revolutionary. Looking back, I remember wondering if people in the March on Washington felt the same way. I literally felt the instantaneous recognition of change that I knew was shared by everyone around me. We all smiled at each other, barely able to hide our excitement for finding each other in such large numbers. We boarded the trains as if we were on a mass exodus from the Bush era. The Metrolink filled almost beyond capacity and the scene that unfolded as we exited the train and took to the streets of St. Louis city nearly took my breath away.

I had never seen anything like it before, and for a political event none-the-less. The urgency in the air made things even more exciting. We all knew we needed to make it in time to witness our chosen leader give his speech. The lines stretched for blocks...blocks! …in the downtown area. People were walking briskly and even running to get into the line (if they could find the end of it). We were anxious to get as near to the scene as possible. When we reached Washington Avenue, the crowd before us shuffled along at snail pace in the beginning. We barely managed to move 5 feet within the first 30 minutes.The sheer mass of people of all colors and from all walks of life was unbelievable. We couldn’t even be angry or feel stressed at the daunting task of moving forward because the number of fellow supporters only emboldened our sense of unity and purpose. A number of mothers with strollers, a father with his two young daughters, a grandmother leading her grandchildren…these were just some of the groups surrounding me. It really was a sight to behold.

When we finally reached the Arch grounds, people began to jog towards the already waiting rally goers. When Sen. Obama came out, it felt presidential. How jealous had I been to grow up and see decades old images or video of a young, beloved leader in JFK speaking to his constituents. Now, how thrilled I was to be among tens of thousands of people screaming for our own political rock star and inspiration we were truly proud of. During his speech, someone behind me laughed and said out loud in disbelief, “I’m looking at Obama. He’s right there! I’m looking at him!” Volunteers walked around passing out free bottles of water. Despite the constant buzz circulating around me, I couldn't help but feel calm with my surroundings. Perhaps because it felt nice to be around tens of thousands of people, just like me, thirsty for a sense of sanity after eight years of a leadership in Washington parched of it.

All I could keep thinking was, how could such a diverse crowd be wrong? How could black, white, Asian, Arab, Hispanic, and people of all ethnic backgrounds and colors be unanimously wrong? Surely something that brings us all together in the spirit of tolerance and change (for the better) can only be good. It was not just strength in numbers that was impressive. It was the depth of diversity. I looked around me and felt good as a human being. The brotherhood of man brought together by one leader on this day, who preaches unity with a, yes, eloquence few have ever been in possession of in our lifetime was right. As far as I’m concerned, we deserve Obama. November 4th couldn’t come fast enough.

LIVE FROM WASHU...IT'S THE VP DEBAAAAATES!

Ok. My facebook status was a little misleading. I said I would be at WASHU during the VP debates. I was...but not in the debate hall. I was in an auditorium with a bunch of other people hoping to see Sarah Palin pull out a rifle and pose in a bikini. That said, we did have the credentials to be on campus-otherwise, we couldn't be there- and photo I.D. was required. So in my book, we were pretty cool. My book is pretty thin, but it exists. Ask me about it some time and I'll show it to you (That's What She Said).

We sat in Steinberg Hall where we were to watch the debate live with a room full of WASHU Alumni. The prestigious school spared no expense.The reception area included cookies, fruit, soda, sandwiches, buttons and beads. I enjoyed the peanut butter cookies. Those were particularly soft and tasty. We took pictures with the lifesize cardboard pictures of the presidential and vice presidential candidates. We noticed a few interesting t-shirts, notably a "I'm a black Republican" t-shirt and "I'm a redneck who supports Obama" t-shirt. And they were both in the same room. Magical night.

A political science professor briefly spoke to us about the influence of vice pres. debates and delighted me by throwing in puns here and there. I like pun-tacular professors. Good times.

Pun moment of glory for this professor: Audience member asks a question. Prof. begins to answer but lights go out. Professor wastes no time in quipping, "I could be in the dark about this, but..." and we all laughed in pun glee.

I was lucky enough to procure a PALIN Bingo card from a group of strangers in front of us. Here's how PALIN Bingo works: Check off any of the number of words she is, like the robot-doll she is, likely to use during the debate. Here's what the card looked like-

As you can (somewhat) see, we could check off words such as "gosh", "hockey mom", "Russia", "earmarks" and "Gotcha journalism". The middle box has a picture of Palin's head with the appropriate words-FREE SPACE. As the night went on, I noticed that the PALIN Bingo cards were not only particular to our area. They were all over the place. Apparently this is big. Get on this, people.

Luckily for us, the room was almost completely either in support of Obama or just wanted to laugh at Palin. Here are some of the room's reactions that we got as a group:

When Joe Biden finished one of his lines with, "that's what I call the ultimate bridge to nowhere", we all errupted in cheers. We also laughed when he said he spends a lot of time at Home Depot. Gotta love Joe. Oh, and when he discussed the ridiculousness of the notion that he, once a single father, could not also feel for the struggle of the average American families just as any hocky mom apparently does, and paused to compose himself- you could hear a pin drop.

Whenever Sarah Palin spoke, you would hear a lot of frustrated sighs and "ughs". You might think I'm exaggerating, but I cannot stress how loud the groans were every single time Palin said, "in Alaska", or "in Wasila!" or mentioned "soccer moms", or brought up her "executive experience" or ignored Gwen Ifill's actual questions and insisted that she'd talk about whatever talking points she decided was appropriate. When Palin winked at the camera, I threw up in my mouth--- just a little bit. When she told Joe Biden that his school-teacher wife's "reward is in heaven", we all laughed. I mean, was she really saying these things? When she gave a shout out to the 3rd graders, you couldn't even hear her next line because, again, we were all laughing. It was like watching an SNL skit. Only it wasn't a skit. It was Palin.

I know what a lot of the strategists are saying. She did a good job. But they've lowered their standards of what a good job is, because contrary to a few days ago, she could actually put words together this time. Well bravo, Sarah. Keep up the good work. Keep speaking coherent English.

Anyways, I fought the urge to yell out, "you ignorant-f*cking-runner-up-in-Miss Alaska-George W. wanna-be! I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU! You are an embarassment to women everywhere and you do not-in any way- represent me! BIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!" Yes, in that regard, I was victorious.

But in other ways, we are all still losers because she is-at this moment- spewing her hatred and fear mongering to another crowd. Hopefully this election ends without anyone seriously getting hurt. And hopefully it ends in victory for someone whose name rhymes with Marack Mobama. Am I clear enough?

By the way, we stayed after the debate and were amongst the crowd for Hardball with Chris Matthews. He is flipping awesome. He told us he thought George Steinbrenner (or was it Hank? Now I can't remember) was an S-O-B. And talked to the college crowd during commercial breaks. A highlight for the Ead sisters came when Matthews was interviewing a guest, brought up Palin's dangerous remark about moving the American embassy to Jerusalem, and asked the guest if he thought Palin was aware of the implications of this statement which goes against every former American adminstration's policies, to which we replied, impromptu, simultaneously, and loud enough to probably be heard on T.V., "NO!". This drew laughs from the crowd and a smile from Matthews. Thank you, thank you.

Anyways, I'm out to watch M-I-Z Z-O-U!

PEACE

Can't Run a Marathon, but I Sure Can Watch One!

I watched the All Star Game yesterday. I think God was testing me to see how much I really love baseball. Well, God, I really love baseball. I watched the 5+ hours despite the voice in my head telling me to get up and do something productive. But the love of baseball that courses through my veins kept me frozen in my seat for the marathon in NY City. Well, not quite frozen in my seat. The game reduced me, my sister and cousin to a couple of escape mental patients. At one point, as me and my sister did a dance-the country lookin' dance where you link arms and skip in circles then switch-, I paused from singing "this is the game that never ends!" to look over at the cousin rocking back and forth in her seat, looking like she just returned from Guantanamo Bay. I wish I were joking. But that game... just kept going...

My thoughts on...

Alex Rodriguez: I've always disliked you. I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's your hairline. Or the way you avoided giving Pujols any credit or praise when he was in the Home Run Derby a few years ago and Joe Morgan practically begged you to give Pujols a compliment. Or if it's the way you talk. Period. Or if it's the rumors between you and Madonna, or you and the stripper. Or if it's the money you make. Or the way you choke in the post season, I dunno. I just do... not... like... you.

Willie Mayes: Why didn't you acknowledge Josh Hamilton? He's not a crack addict any more! Geez.

A.L.:You're not better than the N.L. You're just lucky you don't have Gagne, Hoffman, Wagner, Lidge, or Uggla. Also, our starters are better than your starters. Your reserves don't include Dan Uggla.

N.L.:I have newfound respect for Russell Martin. Good game behind the plate. Got better with each inning. As for Dan Uggla...

Dan Uggla: Really Dan? Really? I honestly didn't think the All Star Game could give me someone new to cheer against. But those three errors and two strike outs!? I picked you to be the AL MVP, even if that's not how the voting process works. Yes, I blame you for everything. I even blame you for the bad economy right now.

Yankee Stadium: Gosh, with all this hoopla, you'd think they were tearing the damn thing down... oh...right.

Yogi Berra: No matter what N.Y.C. thinks, you're still a boy from The Hill representin' St. louis!

Hall of Famers gathering: Not complete without Stan the Man.

St. Louis All Star Game: I predict the N.L. will win. No, seriously.

Something to work on for '09 ASG: Start a petition to make sure St. Louis ASG planners avoid having country singer sing the National Anthem. We can make this happen, people!

Funny moment: Fat kid/ A.L. fan behind dugout obnoxiously cheers when A.L. pitcher strikes out N.L. batter-then immediatly screams at N.L. All Star to sign his ball from dugout. Gotta love New York.

Weird moment: Joe Buck and Tim McCarver's lips merely millimeters away from touching.

Bummer: As annoyed as I was that the game wouldn't end, I wanted to see what would happen when pitchers ran out. Let's see Bud wiggle outta this one! Come on! What would've happened!?

Holy Crap moment: The N.L. getting out of a bases loaded and nobody out jam with Aaron Cook on the mound. See also: Miguel Tejada scoops up ball, throws/falls to get runner out at first,keeping the game 3-3 in 10th.

Made up A.L. sign: N.L. just plain Uggla

Made up N.L. sign: Will lose game for food