You run like a girl!

There's a certain stigma attatched to girls and their interest in sports. For some reason, the idea that a gal follows any game in any sport is considered taboo. Whenever a girl knows a certain stat concerning a player or game, the man looks questioningly at her, with the sort of "what are you trying to pull" look. Guys, for whatever reason, think that she either has some sort of agenda or that she's a 'sports fan poser'. Oh I know that there are a few reasons that men come to either of the previous conclusions. Let's analyze why, shall we? I've gone to more than a few baseball games where the jumbotron plays a feature of fans answering the question of the day. On more than one occassion, my fellow she-folk took full advantage of making our kind look sports-challenged. I can remember one now... (Blurry clouds form into a memory/image as dream sequence music plays) Question: "Which would u rather play in, the American or National League?" Sports challenged woman #1: (who replies with, naturally, a dumb look on her face) " ummmmmmm, what do u mean, are those teams?" (Blurry clouds and dream sequence music bring us back to the present) (or help you fall asleep...whatever works) Yes, my friends, that truely was a magical moment for females who follow sports throughout the world. I get it, there are some clueless girls. I work at a sports store. I've had women come in and ask me what the slogan on the stickers they place on New Era caps meant. It's not a cap, it's a flag... Sports Challenged Woman #2: "Now, when it says it's not a cap...I mean, I don't get it. I know this is a stupid question, but it's...not..a flag..right?" Ok, at this point, there are two things going through my mind that I'm dyin' to say out loud. 1.) You are a stupid, stupid person, regardless of your gender, and 2.) There is such a thing as a stupid question, bless your soul. Instead, I say with fake, good natured laughter "oh, I can see how it's confusing", but I really don't. You are a human and the difference between us and animals is that we can differentiate between what is right and what is wrong. You are literally as smart as a raccoon. You're children have much to worry about. If I were you, I'd go paint black around my eyes and run up a tree. Of course, this is all to myself. Another thing that men assume is that we're trying to impress them with their "secret man knowledge". It appears that we've cracked their code. With my grasping of the concept of a suicide squeeze, I must be trying to gain their respect. "Look at me!", they think I'm trying to say, "I'm like a boy, but I'm not! Give me a cookie!" Finally, I am allowed to be attracted to the sports figures and comment on their athletic physiques while also enjoying the actual game. Why? Because men do the same thing whenever they see a woman, be she an athlete, model, mother of 8 or whatever. I'm human and while I'm primarily watching a game, if I see a cute smile on an attractive athlete, I'm allowed to let my instincts jump in the same way they do for men on Sundays during football season and the Coors Twins appear during every commercial break. Yeah you know what I'm talkin' about...it's the commercial where some guy sings about all the macho stuff he likes and ends with "aaaand Twins!" as all the male viewers watch, self satisfyingly giggling to themselves, thinking no one can hear them. AND TWINS! Sorry, just making sure you're still paying attention. Don't get me wrong. I'm not pretending to be as sports savvy as Linda Cohen of SC or nearly as talented as that softball hurler, Jenny Finch. I still have much to learn, but aren't fans doing just that, always learning more as the game goes on? I know more than a few guys and less than many others, but that's the point. I'm like everyone else, the average fan. I can't pull up stats like the RainMan but give me the option of shopping at the mall or watching a sports game and I'm lyin' back and watching the game. Go to a game and look around, there are women here and there that are indeed, believe it or not, actually paying attention to the game. But I guess that when it comes to the idea of a girl into sports, it appears that the men have some of their own learning to do.

Top Ten...part uno

Alright, you should of known this was coming. A Top Ten list is a must for anyone blogging because it's equally fun for both the blogger and the reader. In this installment of "Top Ten...", I was inspired while watching a game (Dodgers maybe) in which the broadcasters mentioned something about the fans leaving early...so here it is. The Top Ten things a real fan DOESN'T do. And here are the real fan rules... 10.) A real fan cannot refuse to give the opposite team or player props on a really, really good play. It IS ok, but only when it's an amazing performance. If you can't appreciate great plays on the opposite side, then you don't appreciate the game. It's only wrong if you're cheering for the other team a little too often on mediocre plays. Which leads me to number 9... 9.)Do not cheer for the other side too much. That just makes me question your loyalty to the team. If the rules of war applied to some fans, they would have been tried for treason or killed on the spot. So count your blessings. 8.)Real fans don't complain about something in a game to the point that the other fans want to bash your head in. PERHAPS someone MIGHT have complained to me about the wave not being appropriate in baseball "because it's really a football thing" in the midst of my wave-performance, or maybe they didn't. I'm just sayin'. 7.) Real fans do no boo a player if they're trying their hardest. How can you tell if they are, you may ask? Come on, you can tell. If they're flailing around, bruising left and right and you're booing their ass, then you've got the problem, not them. This, of course, is strictly for those who are, honest to God, trying their hardest. If you think you can do better, go join the team. 6.) Real fans DO NOT purposefully state the obvious, as if to provide a play-by-play loud enough for those around them to hear. If we wanted to listen to average broadcasting with someone stating the obvious, we'd go watch John Madden on Monday Night Football. Comprende? 5.) They also don't physically attack another fan, player or coach. Fans should remember, above all else, that it is still just a game, and violence is for people who feel the need to get to know a jail cell. Make fun of their mama, that still works. 4.) Choosing to watch a soap opera or movie they've already seen, over a game is inexcusable. The reasons are obvious. 3.)A real fan never allows any sort of prejudice to escape their lips. Race, sex, , religion, ethnicity, etc... do not factor into sports. Stating a fact and spewing prejudice are two very, very different things. 2.) Of course they never give up on their team. Those who take on the role of "Debbie Downer" should be sent to the set of Saturday Night Live. As much as Cubs' fans' annoy me, they never say never. True fans simply do not give up until the 27 outs, 4 quarters, 3 periods, or 2 halves are recorded. And finally, let's just say, I feel strongly about it... 1.) A real fan never leaves games early, never. Ever wonder about part of the 'come back win mystique'? Do u ever see some of the greatest comebacks footage minus the fans? Fans who leave are not interested in the well being of their team or outcome of the game. They're interested in getting to their car 5.2 seconds faster than the next idiot leaving early. One of my biggest pet peeves are those who leave a baseball game with 3-4 outs to go. What was the point of staying that long in the first place if you can't wait out 5-10 more minutes!? Those so-called fans are the same people who think they can talk trash about the team one second and jump on the "we're winning!" bandwagon the next. If you leave, it allows the other team to feel they own you. If you leave, it allows the other team's fans' to take over the chanting. If you leave, it allows your team to give up 2 outs earlier than they should. The team's job is to play until the game is over. The fan's job is to make sure the team knows they have to play until it's over. After all, this is YOUR house and sucky hosts make sucky parties. God,I hope I never get caught leaving a game early.

SportsCenter or NYCenter?

" Do you think anybody will see this?!" Brought to you by Badia

I turned on the television earlier tonight and decided I wanted to check out one of my favorite television programs, Sportscenter.As expected, the Yankees and Mets game seemed to monopolize much of my Sportscenter time. Never mind that there were teams with much better records playing.

Annoyed, I watched as the anchors also reminded us to tune in to, what else, the Yankees-Redsox game on Sunday.

Wooptee Doo.

I can already see the opening highlight reel for sportscenter on Sunday night......a little defensive catch by Jeter here, a homerun by Manny there...(insert Sportscenter highlight reel beat,"du nuh nuh-du nuh nuh", and voila! A typical over-hyped Yankees/Redsox game shoved into our faces,and not the lightly-fluffed-whipped- cream-pie-in-the-face kind of shove...no, it's the big-brother-with-heavy-object-and I-cant-breathe-right-now-kind of shove.

Quite uncomfortable.

I understand that these are big cities with big money, but the rest of the country is left out to dry like a wet towel on a tree branch. It's not as if all of the people of the Midwest sit on ugly floral couches after a day of work in the corn fields and milking cows, excited to see 'big city folk'.

I mean, give us a break. We DO have a Walmart! What else do you need!?!?!? (Let the sarcasm ooze...wait, it's not done...there. Ahhhh, now doesnt that feel better?)

It's more than the bias, though. See, when I wait to watch the highlights from a Cardinals game, I get the same feeling I got when I was younger and my dad would forget to pick me up from my Aunt's house. I remember sitting and waiting patiently. It was awkward and unnecessary. It felt downright bad and I vowed never to go to anyone's house ever again. But of course I went to visit people, and of course, I continue to watch Sportcenter, no matter how neglected I feel.

I sit through highlight after highlight, changing the channel during commercials. I return to find the anchors telling us to check out how many hotdogs some skinny Japanese guy can eat.

"MAN," I think to myself, "I must've just missed the Cardinals. There's nooo way they showed the hot dog stuffin' Japanese guy before the National League Pennant winning Cardinals!"

but...what's this? According to the anchors, the Cardinals game highlights are after the break. Again.

How they tease me so. Sigh.

Yeah, yeah. I realize this is a topic discussed many times before, but what the heck, it's my turn to vent. The two Boston and New York producers working at Sportscenter (that's my theory anyway) need to give the rest of us a break. As Michael Wilbon of PTI put it once, we don't care about New York. And for the record, we don't care about Boston or Barry Bonds or anything beginning with 'B' for that matter, either.

As for the hot dog snarfing, skinny Japanese man, that's OK, as long as we get through all the highlights from the actual games first.

Now, if you don't mind, I have some corn eating to do on my ugly floral couch which, naturally, I will wash down with some fresh, albeit warm, milk.

This literary piece of work in the form of a comic book, by Joe Sacco, is a must read for anyone interested in learning about the Palestinian Cause. Check it out this summer.
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I like to be this happy
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Snack Packs and Crackerjacks

Mmmmmm, peanutbutter crackers. Quite the snack pack. Whoever created them was a genius. Or just really smart. Ok, we'll settle with cool. They're really cool. On that note, the Cardinals won again today. My sister (shout out to Nanners) and I were discussing the ability of this franchise to make or break our day. When the StL Cards win, it's like everything makes sense. Let me demonstrate the power it has over me. Situation A News dude: "...and in other news (isn't that what news-dudes say?)...the Cardinals lost today. What a shocker. Didn't see that one coming." Me: "NOOOOOOO! My day is ruined. .......How will I go on??? .....What's the meaning of life? Is there life out there? you know...out THERE...." Situation B News Dude: "...and in other news, the Cardinals won...again." Me: "Gee, peace in the Middle East IS possible!" ...And so you see, the difference between the Cards winning and losing is also the difference in how I handle a regular day. It could be gorgeous outside, with delicious smelling BBQ's, laughing babies, and a scenic sunset, but if the Cardinals lose, I forget all that and go to sleep at night wondering. I wonder what would have happened if we could have converted a potential double play to end the inning but instead only got one out, allowing the next batter to hit his 2 run homer which ultimately cost us the game. Yes, I will wonder about that and it will linger in my mind like a bad scent. Something I don't want to focus on but alas, what else is there to focus on when you keep wondering how on God's green earth such a stench was created. Your nose crinkles, your eyes close a bit as your brow works itself into a frown and you think about it consistently. Maybe if you figure it out, it will go away. My senses are all tied into this thing called baseball. Winning and losing also affects the way I taste things. Losing leaves a bitter taste in my mouth but when we win, MAN-OH-MAN do peanut butter crackers taste delicious. The Cardinals won today and I enjoyed every last bite of my peanutbutter cracker snack pack. Did I mention how delicious they are?