Flavor of the Day

Here's what I'm diggin' right now... If you haven't seen, tried or heard of the following, look into it!

TV SHOWS

• Everybody Hates Chris

Let's get this straight...everybody really loves Chris Rock and those people who tell you they don't think he's funny, well, they don't exist. It's based on his childhood with wonderful actors, funny Rock-quips, and an aura of The Wonder Years. Get ready to enjoy UPN on Thursday nights. UPN, Thursdays @ 7 pm

• The Family Guy

When critics use the term "laugh out loud funny", they usually disappoint. I watch movies, imagining the lone critic laughing to himself as the others angrily 'shhh' him. But I won't disappoint you. This show is really laugh out loud funny. There are moments where laughter transforms into silent gasps of air as the writers deliver hilarious line after hilarious line. Although all the characters bring life to the show, look for Stewy, the psychotic, diabolical baby whose always up to no good, plots to kill his mother and sounds like an old Shakespearean soul whose a little on the "I'll rule the world" side of things. Also, be prepared for the barrage of pop culture references or be square. FOX, Sundays @ 8 pm

• Grey's Anatomy

Ah yes, I know what you're thinking. Not another hospital show. Well, get it together and prepare to fall in love with doctors all over again. The actors are beautiful, the writing is smart, the show is fresh and the characters are perfect. It offers drama mixed in with more drama and humor..oh the intelligent humor. I'm tellin' ya, if you watch one episode and not fall in love, something is wrong with you. Don't let the pre-show Desperate Housewives hoopla throw you. This show is really good. I look forward to this show like I used to look forward to FRIENDS. uh huh. Now go watch the best show on television. ABC, Sundays @ 9 pm

Well, that's all I got for today...if ya don't know, now ya know.

Who's the hermaphrodite?

So I decided to do something different. Instead of just writing about whatever, I took some time out of my game-watching to write some notes about things that caught my attention or that I just decided to write at the time. Here we go..

• I'm really excited because I get to watch the Cardinals game on ESPN. This never happens. They always black us out because FSN-Midwest always carries us. Even if Jeff Brentley, ew, is the play by play man, I'm still excited. I love getting a national perspective. And sometimes I just need a break from Dan flippin' McLaughlan or whatever the hell his name is.
• It's the Bottem of the 2nd inning and Jeff Brentley uses the word "unsurety". He says something along the lines of "even the unsurety of it...". "Unsurety" sounds awkward. Maybe it is a word, I still don't like him. This is exactly why Jeff Brentley is "Jeff, ew, Brentley" and not "Jeff, hell yeah, Brentley".
• I like how they talk about Mike Lowell, the Marlin's 3rd baseman, and his struggles at the plate this season. The broadcasters' stress how the anguish is visible in his eyes and, on cue, Mike Lowell picks his nose. I love live television.
• Pujols was just robbed of a homer by Miguel Cabrera! grrrr. But he had an awesome at bat, fighting of many pitches before driving one into the outfield for a double.
• Damnit, I lost ESPN to a Braves/Nat game. Alright, Dan Mc-something, torture me with your cynicism.
• I love Yadier Molina's reactions. He's like a kid playing out there. He looks so cute even after striking out, with an "aw-shucks" oh-so-expressive face.
• It's the top of the 5th and it looks like Scott Seabol spit in Grudzielanek's hair in the dugout. I'm sure I was seeing things, but what if that were really caught on camera?
• Commercial Break: It's really sad seeing the way peoples' lives were affected by hurricane Katrina. But I don't like CNN's hurricane music. Who creates that? Like, "ok, I need you to make some depressing music for a tragic situation, but there should be drums beating, as if we were in a jungle...a tragic jungle."
• Ok, back to the game.With the way Molina started the season, who woulda thought he'd bat clean-up?
• Diaz keeps walking by Taguchi holding his waist in the dug-out. ok we get it, Diaz, you like him. Give the man some air. I can tell he's the touchy-feely type. I wonder if anyone ever spits in Diaz's hair.

ok, that's all I got from the game. Except, there was a rain delay, we were up 10 runs before some call-up on the Marlins' side hit a Grandslam in his first major league AB. His name was something like Hermadite or Hermad or Hermaphrodite. Either way, we won 10-5.

GO CARDS!

Barry a la Zito

Ahhhh, Barry Zito. This guy was meant to be something, even if it didn't involve baseball. Why? It helps immensely that he's the most attractive athlete out there. Hey, hang in there. You don't have to agree. That's more Zito for me. Let me just tell you how I got there. Oh, I know that women swoon over another obvious choice, Tom Brady. But I'm convinced that if I could shrink him to doll size, small enough for Barbie's dreamhouse, he'd fit right in with the whole Barbie gang. I'm gonna be honest with you. That scares me. Just in case Tom Brady ever gets ahold of this little piece here, though, I love you, man. I didn't mean any of this. (He could get ahold of this. It's possible. You know, after the aliens from planet xyblog-6 take over the Earth, teach us how to clap with our nostrils and rocks become a delicacy for the Human race..but it's possible) Now, Jeter and A-Rod have got that multi-cultural look happening, but it's like they're morphing into the same person. Two superstars on the same team who appear to be clones and are obsessed over by the media? Nope, not for me. Plus, they remind me too much of Burt and Ernie. Take what you will from that. I'm just putting it out there. I'm not saying they look jaundiced or that (theoretically) Jeter carries around a rubber ducky... although, if I were to cast them, Jeter would actually be the one playing poor cranky Burt and it would be A-Rod as Ernie with his questionable rubber duckie.Don't act like you don't agree. But that's besides the point. While we're on the topic, though,I don't blame Burt for his crankiness. You try living with a guy obsessed with his rubber duckie, who always asks stupid questions. I'd be anal too. "Hey Burt, what day is it Burt? Burt, Burt? Have you seen my Rubber Ducky, Burt" I guarantee you Burt is patiently plotting a way to destroy Ernie an' I heard the plan involves the duck and some laxatives. I don't know what that means either, I'm just tellin' you what I heard. Anyways, David Beckham is fashionably cute, yes. It's just that the poor man sounds like they take soccer practice shots off his groin. The guy's voice is a couple pitches higher than mine and I ain't no Stalone. But Zito? There's just something about Zito. Is it the Athletics uniform? I have to say that does play a role. They all sport the stylish surfer-dude hair look, with Zito leading the pack. If it wasn't for poor Danny Haren's perpetual "A-Durrrr" look across his face, the team could have its own Calendar. (It's ok Danny, I understand. It's the exhaustion) Also, any man comfortable enough with himself to carry around stuffed animals all across the country, while owning a guitar AND Cy Young has earned his bonus points with me. Does it help that the sound of his name makes me crave pasta? Yes, people, it does. Zito would sound wonderful with some Parmesan cheese. This is not just a statement. It is a well documented fact. At this point you should be having these weird feelings you can't figure out... Don't worry, its only hunger and confusion. That wasn't my intention. I apologize, but thanks for stickin' with me. Hopefully you might understand my infatuation with an Italian kid from the West Coast who holds the key to my heart, and apparently, my stomache.

Food For Thought:1

I met David Eckstein's mother yesterday. I can see where he gets his humble personality from, she's a very down to earth woman. Terrell Owens makes me appreciate Torry Holt of the Rams all the more. I miss the Dave Chappelle show.

Herald Reynolds of Baseball Tonight does not like the Cardinals. Hater.

I was at the mall today during a thunderstorm and the electricity went out. People cheered. It felt like highschool all over again. I left.

Julio "Age ain't nuthin but a number" Franco of the Atlanta Braves is about to turn 47. I'm ashamed to say that he has more energy in his 47 years, than I do in my 21. But he's had a 26 year head-start, right?

Golf and Nascar should not lead off SportsCenter.

Nick and Jessica aren't breaking up. Phew, there's some sanity left in this world.

Peter Jennings was an anchor for "World News Tonight" during the span of my whole life. He was awesome.

There should be some limit or regulation on how many car commercials are allowed to air during a commercial break. Sheesh.

Someone should investigate the possibility of any crack in the Teriyaki Chicken sandwiches at Charley's Steakery. I'm just sayin'. They're that good. I'm fiending for one now.

The Oakland Athletics are the hottest team in baseball. I'm not talking about their record since June, I'm talking about their looks. Have you seen that team? (construction worker whistle call)

You run like a girl!

There's a certain stigma attatched to girls and their interest in sports. For some reason, the idea that a gal follows any game in any sport is considered taboo. Whenever a girl knows a certain stat concerning a player or game, the man looks questioningly at her, with the sort of "what are you trying to pull" look. Guys, for whatever reason, think that she either has some sort of agenda or that she's a 'sports fan poser'. Oh I know that there are a few reasons that men come to either of the previous conclusions. Let's analyze why, shall we? I've gone to more than a few baseball games where the jumbotron plays a feature of fans answering the question of the day. On more than one occassion, my fellow she-folk took full advantage of making our kind look sports-challenged. I can remember one now... (Blurry clouds form into a memory/image as dream sequence music plays) Question: "Which would u rather play in, the American or National League?" Sports challenged woman #1: (who replies with, naturally, a dumb look on her face) " ummmmmmm, what do u mean, are those teams?" (Blurry clouds and dream sequence music bring us back to the present) (or help you fall asleep...whatever works) Yes, my friends, that truely was a magical moment for females who follow sports throughout the world. I get it, there are some clueless girls. I work at a sports store. I've had women come in and ask me what the slogan on the stickers they place on New Era caps meant. It's not a cap, it's a flag... Sports Challenged Woman #2: "Now, when it says it's not a cap...I mean, I don't get it. I know this is a stupid question, but it's...not..a flag..right?" Ok, at this point, there are two things going through my mind that I'm dyin' to say out loud. 1.) You are a stupid, stupid person, regardless of your gender, and 2.) There is such a thing as a stupid question, bless your soul. Instead, I say with fake, good natured laughter "oh, I can see how it's confusing", but I really don't. You are a human and the difference between us and animals is that we can differentiate between what is right and what is wrong. You are literally as smart as a raccoon. You're children have much to worry about. If I were you, I'd go paint black around my eyes and run up a tree. Of course, this is all to myself. Another thing that men assume is that we're trying to impress them with their "secret man knowledge". It appears that we've cracked their code. With my grasping of the concept of a suicide squeeze, I must be trying to gain their respect. "Look at me!", they think I'm trying to say, "I'm like a boy, but I'm not! Give me a cookie!" Finally, I am allowed to be attracted to the sports figures and comment on their athletic physiques while also enjoying the actual game. Why? Because men do the same thing whenever they see a woman, be she an athlete, model, mother of 8 or whatever. I'm human and while I'm primarily watching a game, if I see a cute smile on an attractive athlete, I'm allowed to let my instincts jump in the same way they do for men on Sundays during football season and the Coors Twins appear during every commercial break. Yeah you know what I'm talkin' about...it's the commercial where some guy sings about all the macho stuff he likes and ends with "aaaand Twins!" as all the male viewers watch, self satisfyingly giggling to themselves, thinking no one can hear them. AND TWINS! Sorry, just making sure you're still paying attention. Don't get me wrong. I'm not pretending to be as sports savvy as Linda Cohen of SC or nearly as talented as that softball hurler, Jenny Finch. I still have much to learn, but aren't fans doing just that, always learning more as the game goes on? I know more than a few guys and less than many others, but that's the point. I'm like everyone else, the average fan. I can't pull up stats like the RainMan but give me the option of shopping at the mall or watching a sports game and I'm lyin' back and watching the game. Go to a game and look around, there are women here and there that are indeed, believe it or not, actually paying attention to the game. But I guess that when it comes to the idea of a girl into sports, it appears that the men have some of their own learning to do.

Top Ten...part uno

Alright, you should of known this was coming. A Top Ten list is a must for anyone blogging because it's equally fun for both the blogger and the reader. In this installment of "Top Ten...", I was inspired while watching a game (Dodgers maybe) in which the broadcasters mentioned something about the fans leaving early...so here it is. The Top Ten things a real fan DOESN'T do. And here are the real fan rules... 10.) A real fan cannot refuse to give the opposite team or player props on a really, really good play. It IS ok, but only when it's an amazing performance. If you can't appreciate great plays on the opposite side, then you don't appreciate the game. It's only wrong if you're cheering for the other team a little too often on mediocre plays. Which leads me to number 9... 9.)Do not cheer for the other side too much. That just makes me question your loyalty to the team. If the rules of war applied to some fans, they would have been tried for treason or killed on the spot. So count your blessings. 8.)Real fans don't complain about something in a game to the point that the other fans want to bash your head in. PERHAPS someone MIGHT have complained to me about the wave not being appropriate in baseball "because it's really a football thing" in the midst of my wave-performance, or maybe they didn't. I'm just sayin'. 7.) Real fans do no boo a player if they're trying their hardest. How can you tell if they are, you may ask? Come on, you can tell. If they're flailing around, bruising left and right and you're booing their ass, then you've got the problem, not them. This, of course, is strictly for those who are, honest to God, trying their hardest. If you think you can do better, go join the team. 6.) Real fans DO NOT purposefully state the obvious, as if to provide a play-by-play loud enough for those around them to hear. If we wanted to listen to average broadcasting with someone stating the obvious, we'd go watch John Madden on Monday Night Football. Comprende? 5.) They also don't physically attack another fan, player or coach. Fans should remember, above all else, that it is still just a game, and violence is for people who feel the need to get to know a jail cell. Make fun of their mama, that still works. 4.) Choosing to watch a soap opera or movie they've already seen, over a game is inexcusable. The reasons are obvious. 3.)A real fan never allows any sort of prejudice to escape their lips. Race, sex, , religion, ethnicity, etc... do not factor into sports. Stating a fact and spewing prejudice are two very, very different things. 2.) Of course they never give up on their team. Those who take on the role of "Debbie Downer" should be sent to the set of Saturday Night Live. As much as Cubs' fans' annoy me, they never say never. True fans simply do not give up until the 27 outs, 4 quarters, 3 periods, or 2 halves are recorded. And finally, let's just say, I feel strongly about it... 1.) A real fan never leaves games early, never. Ever wonder about part of the 'come back win mystique'? Do u ever see some of the greatest comebacks footage minus the fans? Fans who leave are not interested in the well being of their team or outcome of the game. They're interested in getting to their car 5.2 seconds faster than the next idiot leaving early. One of my biggest pet peeves are those who leave a baseball game with 3-4 outs to go. What was the point of staying that long in the first place if you can't wait out 5-10 more minutes!? Those so-called fans are the same people who think they can talk trash about the team one second and jump on the "we're winning!" bandwagon the next. If you leave, it allows the other team to feel they own you. If you leave, it allows the other team's fans' to take over the chanting. If you leave, it allows your team to give up 2 outs earlier than they should. The team's job is to play until the game is over. The fan's job is to make sure the team knows they have to play until it's over. After all, this is YOUR house and sucky hosts make sucky parties. God,I hope I never get caught leaving a game early.

SportsCenter or NYCenter?

" Do you think anybody will see this?!" Brought to you by Badia

I turned on the television earlier tonight and decided I wanted to check out one of my favorite television programs, Sportscenter.As expected, the Yankees and Mets game seemed to monopolize much of my Sportscenter time. Never mind that there were teams with much better records playing.

Annoyed, I watched as the anchors also reminded us to tune in to, what else, the Yankees-Redsox game on Sunday.

Wooptee Doo.

I can already see the opening highlight reel for sportscenter on Sunday night......a little defensive catch by Jeter here, a homerun by Manny there...(insert Sportscenter highlight reel beat,"du nuh nuh-du nuh nuh", and voila! A typical over-hyped Yankees/Redsox game shoved into our faces,and not the lightly-fluffed-whipped- cream-pie-in-the-face kind of shove...no, it's the big-brother-with-heavy-object-and I-cant-breathe-right-now-kind of shove.

Quite uncomfortable.

I understand that these are big cities with big money, but the rest of the country is left out to dry like a wet towel on a tree branch. It's not as if all of the people of the Midwest sit on ugly floral couches after a day of work in the corn fields and milking cows, excited to see 'big city folk'.

I mean, give us a break. We DO have a Walmart! What else do you need!?!?!? (Let the sarcasm ooze...wait, it's not done...there. Ahhhh, now doesnt that feel better?)

It's more than the bias, though. See, when I wait to watch the highlights from a Cardinals game, I get the same feeling I got when I was younger and my dad would forget to pick me up from my Aunt's house. I remember sitting and waiting patiently. It was awkward and unnecessary. It felt downright bad and I vowed never to go to anyone's house ever again. But of course I went to visit people, and of course, I continue to watch Sportcenter, no matter how neglected I feel.

I sit through highlight after highlight, changing the channel during commercials. I return to find the anchors telling us to check out how many hotdogs some skinny Japanese guy can eat.

"MAN," I think to myself, "I must've just missed the Cardinals. There's nooo way they showed the hot dog stuffin' Japanese guy before the National League Pennant winning Cardinals!"

but...what's this? According to the anchors, the Cardinals game highlights are after the break. Again.

How they tease me so. Sigh.

Yeah, yeah. I realize this is a topic discussed many times before, but what the heck, it's my turn to vent. The two Boston and New York producers working at Sportscenter (that's my theory anyway) need to give the rest of us a break. As Michael Wilbon of PTI put it once, we don't care about New York. And for the record, we don't care about Boston or Barry Bonds or anything beginning with 'B' for that matter, either.

As for the hot dog snarfing, skinny Japanese man, that's OK, as long as we get through all the highlights from the actual games first.

Now, if you don't mind, I have some corn eating to do on my ugly floral couch which, naturally, I will wash down with some fresh, albeit warm, milk.