Thunder Matt's Saloon decided to respond to Cardinals Diaspora, who explained why the Cubs suck, by explaining why he hates the Cardinals. So, here's my response to Thunder Matt's Saloon comments. So goes the life of a blogger...
1. Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa basically led the Steroid Era. The Cubs learned their lesson by sticking with pretty steroid-free players for the most part. The Cardinals? They promote Rick Ankiel and trade for Troy Glaus, two guys linked to HGH use.
So do you want us to drop Ankiel and Glaus? Is that what you're saying? Would you like us to go ahead and forfeit the division so you can bring more celebrities to your 7th inning stretches or have Jim Belushi caught on another ESPN camera eating a hotdog at Wrigley? Besides, Ankiel is our baby Jesus. He practically died for our sins.
2. Albert Pujols. Sure, he's a fantastic ballplayer, but he's kind of a little bitch sometimes. Remember when he complained a few years ago when Ryan Howard won the MVP over him? Remember how Pujols complained... (...)
I couldn't even copy and paste the rest of this. Are you kidding me? I'm still upset Pujols hasn't won at least 3 MVP awards. Do you understand his career numbers are comparable to Ted Williams, Joe Dimaggio and Co.? He's the most valuable player in baseball. I don't even know what to say to you. I'm sure you guys would have traded him for three Cory Pattersons by now. Your complaining kind of makes you a little bitch too. So, in all fairness, we're all capable of being little bitches who complain.
3. Tony La Russa. I'm not even going to go into the drinking thing (everyone makes mistakes). What bothers me the most about him is that he over-manages and I'm pretty sure it's just to drive me crazy. I thought La Russa was going to break Spring Training this year with 16 pitchers so he could play even more matchups, but that would stop him from pulling 8 double switches a game, wouldn't it?
I, too, sometimes am frustrated when there are eight double switches in a game. Then I remember the last eight years: we've been to the post-season in six of the last eight seasons, enjoyed three league championship series, played in two World Series and enjoyed one magnificent-yes, it's as beautiful as they say it is-World Series title. And then the eight double switches don't bother me as much. It's amazing what success does for your patience. You guys should try winning the World Series some time to see what I mean. I, mean, uh, never mind.
4. Their colors. You're primarily red. That's great and all, but there's another team in your division already that claimed that color. And guess what? They're actually called the Reds. That's dedication. You know who else has a sort of half-hearted association with red uniforms? The Astros. Is that really the level you want to be on?
Um, you're blue. Is that why ya'll are so cranky and sad all the time? Is it so when you lose you guys can say, "you look blue" to one another and crack a half-hearted smile at your puns?
5. Lou Brock. You sons of bitches...
Yeah, you guys really messed up there :)
6. Doesn't it seem like the Cardinals have a never-ending supply of pitchers that own the Cubs and then suck against them as soon as they leave St. Louis? The perfect recent example of this is Matt Morris. God...Morris used to OWN the Cubs. Then he leaves St. Louis, and the Cubs destroy him. How the hell does this keep happening???(I realize that fits under "Reasons I Hate The Cardinals" better than "Why The Cardinals Suck". So what? I don't see you writing your own list.)
Yes, your list is a why you hate the Cardinals list. I'm glad you noticed. But let me also point out that we generally don't try to keep pitchers we feel are deteriorating skill-level wise. Example:Kip Wells. So, what could be happening is we have these pitchers because they play well for us. Then they do not play well for us and we decide not to resign them. Now, I know this concept is hard for you to understand, but please try.
7. Even a Cubs fan can admit that Walt Jocketty was money. And the Cards just let him go? To a division rival? Terrible. F.
Yes, yes, I liked Jocketty too. But I think it's safe to say that anyone with 100 years of a championship drought can't judge the rest of the baseball world too harshly. I think you need to let this go and focus on your own failures. For example, keep focusing on trading Lou Brock.
8. Tony La Russa wears sunglasses at night. Who do you think you are, Corey Hart?
Cory Hart stole Tony's signature "creepy guy at night" look. So let's give credit to the "creepy guy at night" look where credit is due.
9. When David Eckstein won World Series MVP, the Cardinals rewarded him with a giant SUV. That's just about the meanest thing I can think of. David Eckstein can't get into an SUV! He has enough trouble driving a big wheel! What, would you give a bike to a guy with no legs?
Wow. I think our top priority at the time was winning the World Series and not worrying about what car Eckstein drove. Now, if this is the biggest problem you can think of, then I think it's safe to say our problems are a lot nicer than your problems. (*Also, I like the thought of a guy with no legs winning a World Series championship with us before the Cubs do.)
10. See below:
Cardinals' Diaspora also pointed out that the Cubs sucked because Jeff Gordon, who coincidentally sucks, sang 'Take Me Out to the Ballgame' during 7th inning strech. Here's how he responded...
So here's your logic:
Jeff Gordon = Suck
Jeff Gordon = Sang The 7th Inning Stretch For The Cubs
Therefore...
Cubs = Suck
Something that even Cubs and Cardinals fans can agree on is that Jeff Gordon is terrible. But ever since Harry died, the Cubs front office has been parading in pseudo-celebs to sing, whether true Cub fans or not. Most Cubs fans will agree that half the people coming in to sing the stretch have no business being there. But your logic is flawed. Because if what you say is true, then the following must be true as well:
Cardinals = Red
Communists = Red
Cardinals = Communists
Communists = Hate America
Therefore...
Cardinals = Hate America.
But I can one up him...
Cubs=Blue
Blue= sadness
Sadness=depressed state
depressed state=depression
depression=suicide
suicide=end of human life
Therefore...
Cubs=end of human life.
Thank you. Go Cards.
