99 years without a World Series Leads to this Type of Aggression

I have a theory. And here it is: Once you hit the 99 year mark without a World Series appearance, you want to fight. You want to fight everybody. This is what we see happening with these fighting banshees we refer to as "the Cubs". They either have some pent up anger or they translate "Let's Play Ball" into "Go kill the bastard!

I have another theory: Leave them alone in a room together for 24 hours and they'll kill eachother off. God knows what they'll do once they hit 100 years.

Ok, I'll be honest. I like Derrek Lee. I like him so much it makes me sad to see him in a Cubs uniform, for his sake. I also liked watching the fight. There were actual swings at each other. These huge men (Chris young and Derrek Lee combined are the height of the Sears Tower) would've destroyed one another...too bad there was no contact.

Which reminds me of another game with the Cubs. Remember that game when Michael Barrett (where have we heard that name before) punched AJ Pierzynski. What the hell is the Cubs problem? Oh yeah, that's right. 99 years. *Grin

Looking back-and forward-to memories

The other night I went searching for video of the Albert Pujols game winning home-run from the 2005 NLCS (game 5). Turns out it makes me laugh. I kept replaying it over and over to get the crowd's reaction, like the people behind home plate. Three things I noticed:

1. There's a little boy who looks like he might be too young to really comprehend the enormity of this moment, with the Astros on the verge of making it to the World Series...that is, until Pujols hits his moonshot and the boy throws his hands on his head, as the play-by-play man describes, in stunned disbelief. That boy suddenly looks a lot older, as if the play aged him. hehe
2. The crowd literally sounds like they are, and I am not exaggerating here, witnessing a tragic murder of some sort. There are blood curling screams evoked from this crowd of mostly "stunned in disbelief" silence. haha. I love saying "stunned in disbelief"...I will never forget that phrase.
3. I realized #5 hit his miracle HR in game 5 of the '05 NLCS. Just a coincidence I picked up cause I'm cool like that.

Speaking of Pujols, check out this interesting list of overlooked draft picks whose career career numbers we marvel at today.

On to other news: I am going to Chi-town this weekend for a reunion with friends and plan on wearing my Cardinals gear at some point. (There isn't really a uniform or anything, just a shirt) But I can't wait to see the anger and frustration on their faces. If they get pissy with me I'll probably say, "hey Zambrano, calm down, go fight amongst yourselves,I'm too busy revelling in our WS victory" (that's funny if you watch SportsCenter). I've been waiting to wear my Cards stuff in Chicago since we won the WS. My moment has arrived.I'll let you know how it goes.

In two weeks, me and Nan are going to New York City (inshaAllah). I can't wait to do all the touristy stuff and eat all the food and visit all the sites. My boss's kids used to live there and she was giving me tips for my trip based on her numerous visits there and asked me what we planned on doing. At some point she asked if I'd go see Letterman or Conan O'Brian and I told her we'd definately want to see O'Brian (cause he is King of late night in my home, unless you ask my dad, who still can't look beyond the red hair which annoys him, and appreciate the "be cool my babies" humor. I'm convinced my dad knows he's funny but lets the red hair dictate his negative feelings for him anyway) Anyways, my boss revealed to me that her daughter is BFF with Conie's wife. She said she could try to get me tickets and I thought I finally had found the ultimate hook-up in my life thus far. But of course, as fate would have it, Conan will probably not be taping that week and they'll just air re-runs. Grrrr. But that won't ruin my trip because.....

We're also going to a Cards-Mets game! YAAAAAY! A baseball game in NYC??? I've wanted to watch a Cardinals game outside of the STL but going to the Cards first visit at Shea since their NLCS win is just icing on top of the cake. Oh joy of all joys. I'm hoping we avoid an embarassing loss and I'm hoping to avoid getting my ass kicked. If we avoid those two things, I'd say it was a success.

I can't wait to bring back all the cool New York pictures. I've always wanted to visit the big apple and finally going almost seems like a dream. Telling you about it is on my to-do list, so come back to hear all the stories I'll have for you. (And that's an order). Peace out and "be cool my babies"

The Clubhouse: The 2007 Edition

I got some pretty good feedback from my '06 edition and because they won the WS series that same year (coincidence? I think not) I've decided to give this year's team another shot at the WS by entertaining ya'll with another fictional (or not, hmmmm?) scenario with our beloved Cardinals.

The Clubhouse: The 2007 Edition

A Nelly song is booming throughout the clubhouse and imposing upon every ear within hearing distance. It's probably an indication of Edmonds' inability to try new music. Today, Brad Thompson attempts to change the artist for the first time in 3 years but is frightened when a gurgling sound in the corner grows louder with his every step toward the stereo. He looks to find a grey haired Jim Edmonds in an almost angry convulsion, foamy saliva dripping from the sides of his mouth and the pupils of his eyes dilated almost entirely. Brad winces at the sight of this and slowly backs away. Jimmy returns to watching American Idol as if nothing happened.

Pujols, Tony and D. Duncan are discussing this year's team in Tony's office.

Pujols says in low, thickly accented voice, "yeah, I don't know what the hell happened at the start of the season with me. To be honest, I think some of Jimmy's crazy saliva ended up on the clubhouse food or something."

LaRussa cuts in with, "yeah, we really need to get that checked out"

Dave Duncan nods and adds, "yup, Jimmy should've been checked out by now, wonder why we let that go..."

Pujols continues, "....yeah, what the hell? Anyways, we all know that there's a lot of season left. What with Carpenter out and the young pitchers still feeling their way around, I see August as the possible turn-around point."

Tony nods his head but seems to be distracted by a commotion outside of the room. D. Duncan and Pujols turn to see what's going on.

Jason Isringhausen and Taguchi are having a good laugh at Aaron Miles expense.

Miles is defending himself, saying, "hey, that's not true! I don't eat banana peels anymore! That was a one time thing. I just liked the feeling of the banana peels in my mouth. It's a Colorado thing. Helton told me all the cool people do it!"

Izzie seems to consider this with doubt before a smile spreads across his elvish features and a thought dawns on him."Yeah, well, you're lucky as hell Taw-gooch didn't kill you them one time. That son-of-a-gun was really pissed."

Taguchi, in nervous laughter, chimes in, "yeah, I try impale you, but you skin really tough."

Izzie adds, "Must be them bananer peels!"

All three of them laugh loudly in unison.

Adam Kennedy is (naturally) drawn to the laughter and walks towards the threesome. He says (in a mentally challenged voice), "Did thomeone thay Ba-na-nath?"

The trio immediately stop laughing and Izzie says in a concerned voice, "Adam, buddy, did you leave Tom?"

Kennedy exaggeratively lowers his bottom lip and says sadly,"I thought we friendth?"

Taguchi, Izzie and Miles eye eachother with pity on their faces before Taguchi says, "Sure, we friends, big guy".

A man in a red shirt and khaki shorts is seen somewhere in the background calling out, "Kennedyyyy? Where'd ya go, big guy?"

Miles answers, "Over here, Tom!"

Tom, Adam's guardian, was sent over with Kennedy under false pretenses that that he was his trainer. Unfortunately, the Cardinals soon learned that Adam needed a guardian to make sure he would not do things like cross streets by himself and would have the proper tutor to teach him his ABCs. Adam's more than exceeded expectations, though. No, he can't quite field as well as the Cardinals would have hoped and his offense leaves little to brag about, but he is well on his way to learning what sound the letter "F" makes. He still has difficulty differentiating between the sounds the letter "S" and letters "TH" make. In his defense, sometimes people just confuse the two sounds. It happens. Really.

"Adam?", Tom asks, "I thought you were having fun playing 'Simon Says"! Why'd you leave me!?

"Me no like 'thimon thays!," he says, exaggerating his distaste for the game and crossing his arms over one another.

Izzie tries to help, saying "Hey big guy, if we promise to come join you later, will you go back with Tom?"

Kennedy smiles and says, "Yeth!"

Tom grabs Kennedy's hand and (hand in hand) they walk back to the trainers room.

LaRussa, seeing this exchanged, sighs and says, "yeah, the Angels really screwed us on that one."

Pujols: "Have you even asked them about Edmonds yet?"

LaRussa bows his head and says, "I'm too ashamed."

Out by the television, Scott Rolen, Jim Edmonds and David Eckstein relax on a couch, arguing over who the real American idol is during the commercial break.

Rolen: "Hands down, Blake"

Eckstein: "I like Jordan's voice. It reminds me of butterflies and hobbits."

(Rolen coughs "loser" into his hand.)

Edmonds: "I miss Sanjaya. He had pretty hair."

Rolen and Eckstein eye one another, with Rolen raising an eyebrow in alarm and Eckstein soundlessly mouthing "I-told-you-so."

As Edmonds continues to make his case for the talentless idol, Wainwright flips through the channels to check for other baseball games. As each channel disappears into another, a menacingly familiar gurgling sound from Edmond's direction grows louder. Wainwright looks over at Edmonds, who is spewing foamy saliva from his mouth and hissing.

"Changeitback-Changeitback-Changeitback-Changeitback" he repeats and shakes until he falls to the ground, rolling and rolling across the room with wild abandon. The sound "Changeitback-Changeitback-Changeitback-Changeitback" is echoing across the room full of stunned athletes until LaRussa storms out of his office, yelling "Who the hell is changing the channel?"

The whole room is silent except for the constant "Changeitback-Changeitback-Changeitback" and sound of Jimmy's body rolling across the floor, occasionally bumping into the walls and a few legs.

A nervous hand slowly raises in the air as its owner's voice replies, "b-but it was a commercial."

LaRussa sighs but smiles and says, "Come on Wainwright, let's not do this."

Wainwright turns back towards the TV and changes it back in time for the sound of Ryan Seacrest's self satisfied voice. Jimmy immediately gets off the ground and returns to the couch to watch intently. He shakes back and forth a few times before he starts to shimmy his shoulders to the beat boxing of Blake Lewis and his version of Bon Jovi's "You Give Love a Bad Name". Everyone pretends like nothing happened, except Wainwright, who wipes away the single tear that rolls down his cheek.

LaRussa returns to his office to find a disappointed looking Duncan Sr. Duncan Jr. and Pujols staring at him.

Duncan Jr. says, "You know you're an enabler, don't you?"

LaRussa shrugs his shoulders but looks at Duncan Jr. suspiciously and says, "Who taught you the word 'enabler'?"

Pujols cries out, "He rolled across the floor and now he's shimmying! Shimmying!", he repeats in horror. "Why are we letting this happen? And you know what else? We aren't obligated to play retards at second base!", he nods over in Kennedy's direction, who is screaming "Thimon thayth 'pick your butt!!!" and giggles loudly.

LaRussa quickly replies, "Hey, when the Angels called him 'special', we all thought they meant talented. We already went over this."

Pujols replies smartly, "Yeah, he's special, like 'He likes banana peels' special?"

(Miles yells indignantly, "Hey, it was a thing! I'm over it!" in the background.)

Duncan Jr., meanwhile, whines to his father. "Hey pop, you said when I hit another homer, you'd re-stock the chew".

Duncan Sr. breaks his usual stoic features to laugh and, grabbing his son (with some difficulty, as Jr. is quite a bit taller) in a headlock, growls with delight. "Who's daddy's big boy?"

Duncan Jr. guffaws and laughs, yelling, "I am! I am!".

Pujols walks out with his hand on his forehead and bumps into his friend, Yadier Molina.

"What's wrong, big guy?", Yadi asks in concern.

Pujols replies in a tired, strained voice, "I told you not to call me that after they started calling you-know-who that..." and he nods over in Kennedy's direction again, who's yelling, "Thimon Thayth give me a hug!" as Tom replies with a, "awww" and rushes over to give Adam a hug.

Molina: "yeah, my bad. Let's watch videos of your 2005 NLCS game 5 HR and my 2006 NLCS game 7 HR on repeat again?!"

Pujols replies with a sigh, "Not tonight, Yadi. Not tonight."

Yadier looks disappointed but smiles and quickly insists, "Let's go out, get your mind off of some of these locos".

Pujols grins in return and says "you're a good man, Yadier Molina," causing Yadi to swell with pride. Pujols and Molina grab Wrainwright on their way out, but bump into Brad Thompson who, shaking, pleads "Please take me with you. I th-think he 's looking at me. I can't tell, but I think he is."

All men look over in Edmonds direction, who has one eye pointing in the television's direction and another staring at them, even blinking seperately from the other.

"AH!" they scream and start to hurry out the door, but not before Pujols runs into LaRussa's office and pleads, "Please, for the love of all Cardinal World Championships, get it checked out!".

Duncan Jr., Sr. and LaRussa don't need to ask what the "it" is. They all move slowly toward the office window, stopping a foot shy to catch a glimpse of Edmonds. Their eyes strain to find him, as he proves missing from the television area. They creep ever so slowly towards the door and place their faces against the glass window.

A head pops up from behind the door, and Edmonds, two eyes shifting in seperate directions and tapping his fingers against his face, repeats, "higuys-higuys-higuys-higuys..."

They all jump back in shock and horror, and with Duncan Jr. whimpering in the arms of his father, LaRussa whispers in a terrified voice, "Damn your eyes, Edmonds, damn your eyes!"

Looking over at Duncan Sr., he asks, "What would Bob Gibson do?" but without waiting for a reply, he grabs a bat, runs out the door and starts to beat Edmonds.

Standing in the door, Dunc watches the clobbering before him and yells "Uh, that's not what he would've done, LaRussa. I think he would've beaned him."

Tony yells, "then grab some balls, smartass!"

As Eckstein and Rolen tear their eyes away from the TV long enough to see their skipper beating their teammate with a bat, along with the pitching coach hurling baseballs at him, Eckstein asks Rolen, "you think we should help?"

Rolen nods his head. He proceeds to get up, walk towards the three men, grabs a ball out of Duncan's hand and throws it hardly at Jimmy.

He's Human

Ok so, in case you haven't heard, Cardinals manager Tony La Russa....yes, TLR, was arrested last night in florida with a blood-alcohol level of .093 (legal limit is .08) I'm shocked...SHOCKED!

On top of that. Police walked up to his vehicle because it suspiciously didn't move for two green lights at the intersection, and found him asleep at the wheel with his, get this, foot on the brake. My feelings are confusing me. I'm simultaneously impressed and disappointed.

It's weird to realize he's human. I know he's human, but he sort of had that stoic, show no emotion- keep work a priority above all else-thing down. He made a stupid, stupid mistake. If you watch Cardinals baseball, then you know there's always a reason for something he does. So even when he makes a managerial mistake, he can explain his reasoning and you believe him.You even question why it didn't work. But this? I will be the first to criticize someone for drinking and driving, but thankfully, no one got hurt (except for his pride, I presume). Gordo of the StL Post wrote a column this morning explaining that the his biggest punishment will be the public embarassment...and I couldn't agree more.

I already went on a couple of message boards on the sports websites. For the most part, Cardinal fans are just as shocked but forgiving, give or take a few fans who are "outraged". But man oh man, there are some Cub fans already making their move.

Now, I don't wanna make light of the situation but since no one got hurt, I already have a line. "My manager can hold the brake longer than your manager" was a thought. I'm still working on it, though. "We won the WS" will never fail me. I can just imagine them trying to insult us, or Tony, over and over again, and me calmly repeating, "yeah but we won the WS, losers."

So, back to the topic. I sincerely hope he makes some sort of apology and gets this resolved. He will do one of two things. He will either want to man up and make the apology because he's basically a good guy. Or he won't want to make himself the center of attention and try to convince the media and public that it should not be a more important topic of discussion than the team. Team first, right? Those are my predictions. Stand by for action. Just needed to comment on this before the whole thing gets more interesting.

Still a TLR fan, albeit a confused, disappointed and nearly impressed one.

"In field in. In field out. In field Normal."

• It's nice to know Tony LaRussa and Scott Rolen have given each other a symbolic pat on the ass after all the hoopla surrounding LaRussa benching Rolen during the post-season. The way I see it, Tony did what he needed to do during a pivotal point in the team's season. He put his team first and benched a slumping player, even if the slumping player is a star. It worked out for Rolen. He didn't go hitless for the remainder of the games he played.

• Speaking of the post season, I was wondering what the Mets players had to say about Beltran freezing like a popsicle in Antarctica by that last pitch Wainwright threw in game 7 of the NLCS. Now I know. It made me grin to myself. Wickedly.

• I can't wait to see Jennifer Hudson win her Oscar.

• There needs to be someone who invents jeans that do not get a hole near the crotch (aka the "crotchage area"). Do you know how many pairs of jeans those holes have cost me?

• What would they call those jeans?

• Kevin Slaten is the spawn of Satin. (And it is not a coincidence that rhymes)

• Forget managerial genius, LaRussa has become a comedic genius. Try to see if you can spot the one liner LaRussa quipped in response to a thumped Eckstein.

That's all!

Spring is in the Air

Spring Training is baaaaaaaaaaaack. Ah, the warmth of the sun mingled with the fresh air is, as Borat would say, VE-RY NIIIIIIIICE.

Joined a Fantasy Baseball league. I fear for my pride.

Britney Spears is a DUI and a court battle away from Anna Nicole Smith.

Me and the sis purchased tickets to the Cards vs. Mets game in NY City [in June]! Can't wait to blog blog blah-og about that! Hope I don't get my ass kicked.

Meredith is near death on Grey's! FUN STORY! plus, I hear they're making a spin-off of Grey's for Addison. No change. I don't like change. Keep Addison on Grey's. :(

Jim Rome's voice hurts my head. He sounds like someone taught him how to talk the wrong way. Like, he's doing it in the most uncomfortable way possible. Doesn't it hurt him when he talks? The strain of his voice exhausts me.

Nascar, Bowling and Poker should not be on ESPN or ESPN2. There should be an ESPN 8 reserved for them.

Who cares if A-Rod and Jeter aren't fishing , making s'mores, or having pillow fights together anymore?

Jim Rome should consider a profession where people don't actually have to hear him, or see him. That goatee is so 1995. We've already discussed the voice.

Hot Microwave Report

You can say St. Louis has been pretty cold since last week's winter storm. Apparently the winter signings in Florida were just a warm up to the fat deals we'll be seeing this offseason. I've got to say that I'm unnerved by the unpredicatability of it all. I'm in limbo between wanting to enjoy our World Series Championship and wanting our team to improve. It sounds kind of funny insisting there's room for improvement on a championship team but if you paid attention to our team last year, you'd know that we were an exception to the rule.

The Cubs are finally going into panic mode. Apparently they cannot patiently endure another cursed team or rival winning their own championship. Not that I blame them. If I were the Cubs and I just witnessed three years in a row of the Red Sox breaking the curse, the White Sox breaking their own 80+ years of heartache and their Central Division/83 win Cardinal rival winning the World Series, I'd kind of lose my bonkers too. So they're dishing out the big bucks but somehow I see these players getting injured or something. Just call it a hunch.

Needless to say, I really want to go to a Cards-Cubs game next year. Besides the usual banter I'll enjoy, there's the added twist of seeing them in complete misery..well...okay, I'll be honest. The pathetic misery thing just doesn't do it for me. I like to see them think they'll win, and then lose. The whole "yeah, we're pathetic and you won the WS and we're gonna go cry in our corner and maybe buy a hotdog on the way over" look takes the fun out of the banter. But if the Cubs fans are as predictable as I think they are, they'll think next year is their year. They'll believe that this new team is unlike any other they've had before and coupled with the belief that everyone who deserves a win is getting their turn, they'll be excited. As one Milwaukee Brewer fan pointed out:

"...they have a superiority complex with nothing to back it up given that they haven’t been in a World Series since Harry Truman was in the White House".

Those are the Cub fans I want to point and laugh at next year.

On to more important things, pitching is something the Cardinals are obviously looking for. I like that they made sure to tie up Carpenter. Geez louise these sub-par pitchers are getting a freak load of cash. I would like Suppan to sign with us because he's been, at times, our best pitcher in the post-season. But as luck would have it, that is also part of the reason teams with the moolah are gonna throw it at him and probably steal him away. (Damn those money mongering fools!) And then Tony and Dunc will have to find some cast-away repair project and think they can fix him. They've done it before but I've got to say, projects frustrate me. For once, can we have a pitching staff that doesn't need to be "fixed" during the season, like they're a bunch of those kids from "Dangerous Minds". Okay, that was me unnecessarily complaining, but I've got to make you believe that things aren't always peachy keen with my opinion of Cardinal logic. But seriously, last year I had a coronary heart attack and I'm not just saying that because I watch Grey's Anatomy or ER. The 83 win season gave me a reason to jump off a bridge. If it weren't for my general ability to recognize that jumping off bridges is bad, very bad, I probably would have done so.

But, as I've said every time I feel down, "At least we won the World Series". That's been my attitude this winter as ice/snow storms attacked my city, every time the Rams and Blues lose and whenever something that usually ticks me off occurs now. Heck, I even bought an Asian inspired noodle packet from Walgreen's yesterday and found out the soy packet that is vital to the essential reason I like the taste of this meal was missing from my noodle container. Now, this would usually give me a hunkering to attack the Walgreen's I bought it from. Perhaps I might've thrown the tasteless disarray of noodles at the "pharmacy America Trusts" (they lose the soy, they lose my trust), but on this occassion I realized that winning the World Series made a bad situation go from "DAMN THEM ALL! They're gettin' a bland noodle drive by!" to "DAMNIT! okay, on to plan B". So thank you Cardinals.