My Scatterbrains from the All Star Game

Top 1st

Prince Fielder’s error actually caused me to say the words, “Ha ha, fat ass”. I don’t ‘dislike’ Prince Fielder. (In fact, I’m even in awe of his name) But I’m a little protective of Albert. So when the “people” chose Fielder over Albert, I got pissed. I know, Fielder’s having a better first half. But I love my Phat Albert. Hey hey hey!

Anyways, David Wright makes a great play and nobody scored. 0-0

Bottom 1st

Jose Reyes is so cool to watch. I said this in NY and I’ll say it again. He’s awesome to watch on TV but everything is so much cooler in person. He’s so quick and fields oh-so-smoothly. So he got a hit, stole a base (duh) and Griffey (whom I love) got a base hit (yay!) to make it 1-0. GO NATIONAL LEAGUE!

Top 2nd

Is it just me, or did Brad Penny start last year’s All-Star game. I can’t remember, is he the one who left his wife for the reporter?…hmmm, I’ll have to look that up.

Sigh, I miss Albert. Nice throw by Reyes. Still 1-0.

Bottom 2nd

Well well well, look who it is. Prince Fielder. Haren walked him. Fielder seems young. Watching a cute little video on him. Whoa, he has a son? Interesting. Haren seems like he’s laboring…but Cabrera strikes out.

Top 3rd

Ichiro and Jeter got hits with 2 outs against Sheets. David Ortiz is up. Yay L Arg, Sheets, arg. Phew, Ortiz hit a line drive, but right at Jr. Yowza. Phew.

Ha ha, this Burger King commercial cracks me the hell up. These people try to shut their grumbling stomachs by insanely yelling at them, “SHUT UP!!” LMAO. So apparently this sandwich shuts their stomachs up. Nice.

Bottom 3rd

Beckett’s in. Oh DANG, a ball just got passed A-Rod. It had some spin on it and when it hit the ground it bounced away.What a freak accident. (na na na-boo boo) Reyes is at 2nd base. Bonds is up…OHHH, it ALMOST looked like Bonds hit a HR but it was caught at the warning tracks. Joe Buck’s talking to Jim Leyland who reminds me of an awesome grandpa. I wonder if people accidentally call Joe by his dad’s name “Jack”. Reyes moved over to 3rd but Griffey strikes out.

Top 4th

They’re showing A-Rod’s walk-off HRs in the 1st half of the season. They’re playing “don’t stop believing” which reminds me of that series finale episode of The Sopranos. A-Rod got a base hit, then stole 2nd but now there are 2 outs. Ha ha, someone just got a hit and Griffey threw out A-Rod at the plate. So far Griffey’s the clear MVP!

Bottom 4th

I wanna see Pujols! AHHHH! Anyways, Beckett versus David Wright. Ball hits mound but Brian Roberts throws Wright out. Fielder hits line drive but Ichiro catches it. Russell Martin’s up. Oh my God, Joe Buck is in love with talking about Bonds and steroids. ENOUGH. ENOOOOOUGH! Make it stop! Ok, Russell Martin strikes out and I still haven’t seen Pujols.

Booooooooriiiiing.

Top 5th

Ummm, Derrek Lee is at 1st base. I wanna see Pujols L Is La Russa trying to set up some dramatic show down at the end? Ok, so Lee is at first and his fighting counterpart, Chris Young, is pitching. Buck just made a funny joke saying their fighting clips from earlier this season looked like a scene from the movie, “300”. Nice.

Lead-off walk by Young, BOOOO! What’s wrong with you!? Aren’t you pitching a 2.00 ERA? Get it together! Ok, pop-fly by Jorge Posada. HAHAHA, Eric Byrnes dog was practically forced off a boat to get a baseball floating (which Byrnes threw into the water) and the dog swam the opposite away. They had to rescue the dog. Joe Buck kept saying, “just get your dog back on your boat, Byrnes.”

So Ichiro gets an inside the park HR. What a fucking loser Young is. Get him out! 2-1 American League. Ok, 3 outs recorded. But behold, National League is losing. ARG.

Bottom 5th

Nothing happened. But Eric Byrnes dog, Bruno, is safe. We can all sleepy peacefully tonight. ( side note: I really was worried about the dog.)

Top 6th

A-Rod flies out. Vlad flies out. Crawford hits a HR after a good AB. 3-1 AL. Chase Utley makes another fine play to end the inning.

Bottom 6th

Great, Justin Verlander is in. Beltran gets a triple. Yahoo! Whatdya know, the NY reporter guy is interviewing a Yankee, Jeter. As if I care about the Yankees. So Griffey hits a sack fly, now 3-2. Wright shatters his bat hitting it up the middle. Matt Holliday is up. 2 outs but Wright’s at 2nd. Ok, Russell Martin, what ya got in you. Apparently nuthin, pop up. Blah.

Top 7th

Ok, so I have to point something funny out. Before the game started and they introduced the players, Joe Buck announced the “reserves” as the camera focused on each player. All you could hear after that was Manny Ramirez saying, “reserves? Reserves! Did you hear that? Reserves!” and the camera keeps moving on, 3-4 people later you still hear him in the background going, “Reserves!” Anyways, 1-2-3 outs.

7th Inning Stretch- Some Grammy winner is singing “God Bless America.” It’s ok. Not nearly as bad as Chris Isaac and his homie singing “National Anthem”. Shiver.

Bottom 7th

Ok, let’s go NL! (CLAP CLAP, CLAP CLAP CLAP!) LET’S GO NL! (CLAP CLAP, CLAP CLAP CLAP!)

Carlos Lee is in. It’s crazy that Johan Santana is pitching in the 7th inning, like some relief pitcher. Lee strikes out looking stupid. Sucks to be him. He was close to hitting a HR in this AB, close but not cigar. Soriano at the plate. Strikes out looking. A change-up beauty from Santana. BEAU-TI-FUL. Reyes is out, 1-2-3 inning for Santana.

Top 8th

No Pujols yet? This doesn’t feel like an All-Star game. Why won’t Tony put his star player in? I don’t even understand. I’m sad. So sad. So very sad. COMMERCIAL* Haha, that video game with Albert Pujols called “The Bigs” is featuring his commercial with his voice. But no Pujols playing in the All Star game yet…COME ON LA RUSSA!

Now that commercial with Charlie thinking about Hank…and his dad, brought to you by State Farm Insurance and making me cry for 2 days. OK, back to the game. Billy Wagner is up. Lowell gets a hit right away. Of Course. Oh, Big Papi’s hobby is cooking. Good to know.

Nice play by Freddy Sanchez playing at 3rd to get the out by that bull pen area. He practically caught it over his shoulder. Grady “McHottie” Sizemore is up at bat. Sizemore strikes out, the 1st for the NL tonight. So Victor Martinez hits a HR to make it 5-2 AL. Wow, Billy Wagner sucks ass as well. Why do these great NL pitchers always suck ass in the All Star Game. Carl Crawford is batting. Reyes throws him out. AL still dominant, apparently.

Bottom 8th

Well, I’m pissed. Not only is the NL losing, but Albert Pujols hasn’t played yet. Why have I been watching this, then? Either way, I have to leave to watch Harry Potter at the theater soon. Book 5 wasn’t my favorite, but I haven’t read it in a while and the movie will sort of be unpredictable in that way, seeing as to how I’ve forgotten quite a bit. But it’s all good. Ok, Derrek Lee floats a blooper into center field. Not before Tim McCarver called Papelbon “wonderfully whimsical”. How about you’re a “weirdo”, McCarver. Utley’s fun fact is he “likes to dance at weddings” according to the player profile thing. Funny.

Orlando Hudson strikes out but Lee stole. Tim McCarver busts my balls. He’s annoying. Aaron Rowand, the guy who ran into the fence face first catching a ball, is up at bat. Remember, he smashed his nose? Yeah, that guy. Anyways, Lee advanced on a wild pitch (or passed ball, I dunno) but Rowand strikes out and the next guy (wasn’t paying attention) flies out. Still, no Pujols. Still not worth watching the game.

Top 9th

Orlando gets the 1st out by making a nice play at 2nd. Brian Roberts is up at bat. Hoffman pitching. Gives up double to Posada. Now they’re talking about the umpire who’s umpiring for his last year before retiring. He started in 1971! He was also at that game b/w the Sox and Yankees when A-Rod and Varitek got into a fight. Coolness. Ok, scoreless night for Hoffman. One year too late, buddy. Holliday, McCann and a pinch hitter are up.

Bottom 9th

Ok, so I really, really need to leave to go watch Potter. But now I’m thinking Pujols might pinch hit. But I need to go. What to do- what to do? I’ll give it 6 minutes, then I’m getting the hell out.

Ok, so swear to god (why would I lie), the closer’s name is Putz. His last name, anyway. I could have fun with this guy if he played in the NL (he plays for the Mariners). Strikes out Holliday. McCann is batting now. I guess Pujols isn’t in La Russa’s plans. BOOOOOOO! What a waste of my time!

Just hurry up so I can leave. 2 outs, McCann pops up. Dimitri Young is up. What a fun guy. I hope he gets on base so Pujols can bat at least once. I mean, COME ON! Soriano’s on deck?! AKH! AKH!!!!! Anyways, Demitri Young has 2 strikes. Down to his final strike. They’re pronouncing it “puts” but we all know its “PUTZ” as you would normally read it. A-duh.

Game continues. Roberts can’t make the play. Young at 1st. Soriano is 0-2 but digging in.

HARDY IS ON DECK!?!? OK, I am gone. Syanora. I know they lost.

Notes from a Day Later

Ok, so the talk of the town (and national media, actually) is how TLR left Pujols, his star player…THE star player, out of the game. He apparently had a chance to pinch hit Pujols with bases loaded and he let Rowand hit for himself…and subsequently pop up to end the game. Wow, what a disappointing move by TLR. I waited for almost 3 freakin hours to see Pujols and nada-nuthin-uh uh. Anyways, maybe next year? I can’t think about this for too long or it’ll piss me off. But just to update everyone: Yes, Pujols was disappointed not to play but he's not pissed off like ESPN reported (stupid ESPN) and TLR admitted he probably should of put Pujols in. So there, you go, all is well.

On a side note, loved the new Harry Potter movie. In fact, I loved it more than the book (which never-ever happens). It was well directed and makes my appetite for all things Harry Potter stronger than ever before. The book comes out soon, I can't wait!

July 3rd Game

Cards vs. D-backs 07/03/07

• Top of 1st

A couple of errors cost us 2 runs. Arg. Dan and Al are talking about Scott Boras's idea for a nine game World Series. How about no. Seven games are enough. (7/31 Update: There was a 9 game WS!)

Holy Crap. D-Backs lined out to end inning. That line out was hardly hit, I almost threw up. Just a little bit. phew.

commercial break*

Ok, so it's a commercial break and this Busch beer commercial voice-over guy sounds exactly like George Clooney. (7/31 Update: It IS George Clooney!)

• Bottom of 1st

Miles is apparently batting .396 his last 11 games. I remember hating his guts this time last year. Now, he's not so bad. Funny what a difference a year can make. Now, Kennedy has taken that dishonorable place.

Pujols is up. Shhhhhh.

Pujols gets a hit up the middle on first pitch. Yay. They're complaining that he hasn't hit a HR. Shut up. Stop complaining. I mean, I would LIKE to see Pujols hit a HR, but Dan McClaughlin's voice hurts my head (and heart).

Duncan's on my fantasy team and he strikes out. Boo.

*commercial break. I just realized why I see so many casino/car/air conditioning/car repair commercials during Card games...because I'm supposed to be a guy watching this. Interesting.

Top of 2nd

Stupid errors in the 1st inning. The Brewers lost today and it's like we're trying to stay 10 behind.

Yeesh, started off by giving up a hit.

Cubs are winning again. Well well well, look who's playing like they haven't won in 99 years.

HAHAHAAA, Double play! In a weird, weird way. How the hell would they score it on a score card? It's all smarts by Pujols. Ok, so the guy tried to bunt but they had time to get the runner at 1st too. So they threw out the bunter at 1st and caught the guy advancing through a (long) run-down.

DAMNIT a HR! What the hell? ARG.

Final out, but we're already down 0-3.

commercial break*

Bottom of 2nd

We're hitting a lot of fly-outs tonight (Rolen just flew out). We were supposed to play Randy Johnson tonight but he went back on the DL. They said Bob Gibson sometimes watches games from Omaha. Why Omaha? Is Gibson so famous and so harassed by StL Cardinal fans that he needed to move to a place without people? Fun stuff. Oh, fun fact they just told us. Bob Gibson played for the Harlem Globetrotters.

Oh, they just talked about Kennedy bleeding last night. That was freaking disgusting. EW. Al said his finger just split open when he got hit by the ball. How does your finger just SPLIT OPEN!?!? No, not the nail, the FINGER!!!! What, is Adam Kennedy made of plastic or something? He just cracks open at contact?

Commercial break* Adorable Asian girl (who's so young she can't say her R's yet, sings the "My country tis a thee..." (or something like that) ex. "Let fweeeedom wing". haha.

Top 3rd

Who knew the Afflec duck thing would still be goin' strong? YIKES, 2-run homer. Down 0-5. Blarg.

HOLY CRAP. Another HR! back to back....0-6. Yowza. Maybe I should go away for a while until he starts pitching better. I'm a believer in superstitious crap like that. (this'll also make the argument of whether or not Reyes should've stayed up in the big leagues a little more interesting) Almost another HR and Taguchi misplays it. This feels like the opening series against the Mets this year. Sloppy, crappy, yucky. I better get the hell outta here. Oh crap wait, Taguchi just made a great catch and threw to 2nd base to get the runner out for a double play. Ok, I'm still going.

PEACE

My 15 seconds of fame

My sister and I are in USATODAY.com! They have a section in their sports/mlb page which asks baseball fans from around the country to send in photos from their stadiums and I sent a few in. This one was selected. As of today (June 21) we're in photo #2 out of 32 photos.

Hallelujah, I'm excited! check it out @ http://www.usatoday.com/sports/gallery/2007/baseballfans/flash.htm

What is Happening to Palestine?

The most frustrating and unbelievable thing is taking place in my homeland. Palestinians are fighting Palestinians. Not to say I like to see any human fight another, but to see an oppressed people turn on each other leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. It’s a nightmarish situation of which I used to wonder how Iraqis dealt with. Iraqis killing each other on a nightly basis was something I couldn’t comprehend. It was inexcusable in my mind but at least something I could criticize with the comfort of knowing it was a situation my countrymen would never resort to. And now…this.

What’s happening is something, again, I find inexcusable. Yes, I’ve already resolved that a number of occurances have directly contributed to this stupidity. The percentage of unemployed Palestinians is nearly 50%. The difficulty for Palestinian students to attend school is at an all-time high…the Israeli government made sur e of that with its checkpoints, road blocks, apartheid wall and constant barrage of harassments. The desperation is festering within a tiny nation of people who were punished through financial strangulation. The withholding of much needed funds hit regular Palestinians harder than any American media corporation or politician would care to admit.

My aunt, for example, is not a member of any militia. She’s a nurse. When I visited her last summer in Palestine, the Palestinian government could not pay her because the world held funds that supported jobs that, surprise surprise, the government paid. So she worked for free because doctors and nurses can’t abandon their patients, even if the world effortlessly decides it’s necessary to abandon Palestine. The recent decision the American government made to release these funds to Palestinians only frustrates me further because it proves these funds people used to survive on were unnecessarily withheld. It proves that the ability to get these funds in the “right hands” was always an option.But they wanted to make a point. I think the starving families got that point ages ago. But hunger does a funny thing to you, it makes you lose interest in conceding. When feeding your family is the only thing on your mind, conceding is the last thing you want, or care, to do.

So there they were; jobless, uneducated, starving, frustrated and still not free.

Was turning on one another inevitable? I happen to believe it wasn’t. I would think this unique situation would have only brought these compatriots closer together. I would have thought that the common goal of freedom would have kept them, even under the strains of the newest hardships, united.

I don’t even recognize these people who call themselves Palestinians. I don’t understand these men locked in a power struggle. It’s as if they aren’t in that region I lived in for five years. It’s like some parallel universe that was once a juxtaposition of my best and worst memories. But I could never fault another Palestinian for my worst memories. It was always “if only the Israeli government didn’t occupy us…if only we had a free homeland.” But how can we be thinking of freedom and killing one another? The insanity of their actions leaves me numb with anger.

When I was younger and so miserable with frustration at the Israeli occupation, I used to ask myself if it would have been easier to never have been born a Palestinian. How lucky would it have been if I had been born a descendant of some free people who never had to worry about whether some foreign military would deny me access to school or jail my relatives for political reasons, or no reason at all. But I answered my own question by asking myself whether or not being a Palestinian would have allowed me to sympathize with others who were oppressed based on prejudices and corrupt politics as much as I do. It forced me to care for everyone, because I knew how extremely crucial it felt to be cared about by others who didn’t necessarily need to care . I knew that our cause was a noble one. I knew that justice was on our side, even if freedom wasn’t.

And it still is. It will not be until we gain freedom that our work is done. And nobility in our cause was never at question. In spite of the Israeli indignities, we survived through pride. But now I question whether we can gain our freedom through this very dignity we strived to maintain. A few Palestinians seem to have lost sight of this goal, and, as difficult as it has been to comprehend, they seem oblivious to shattering national pride with every gun aimed, bullet fired and brother killed. Being a Palestinian was never easy, but being proud of being Palestinian used to be a lot easier.

99 years without a World Series Leads to this Type of Aggression

I have a theory. And here it is: Once you hit the 99 year mark without a World Series appearance, you want to fight. You want to fight everybody. This is what we see happening with these fighting banshees we refer to as "the Cubs". They either have some pent up anger or they translate "Let's Play Ball" into "Go kill the bastard!

I have another theory: Leave them alone in a room together for 24 hours and they'll kill eachother off. God knows what they'll do once they hit 100 years.

Ok, I'll be honest. I like Derrek Lee. I like him so much it makes me sad to see him in a Cubs uniform, for his sake. I also liked watching the fight. There were actual swings at each other. These huge men (Chris young and Derrek Lee combined are the height of the Sears Tower) would've destroyed one another...too bad there was no contact.

Which reminds me of another game with the Cubs. Remember that game when Michael Barrett (where have we heard that name before) punched AJ Pierzynski. What the hell is the Cubs problem? Oh yeah, that's right. 99 years. *Grin

Looking back-and forward-to memories

The other night I went searching for video of the Albert Pujols game winning home-run from the 2005 NLCS (game 5). Turns out it makes me laugh. I kept replaying it over and over to get the crowd's reaction, like the people behind home plate. Three things I noticed:

1. There's a little boy who looks like he might be too young to really comprehend the enormity of this moment, with the Astros on the verge of making it to the World Series...that is, until Pujols hits his moonshot and the boy throws his hands on his head, as the play-by-play man describes, in stunned disbelief. That boy suddenly looks a lot older, as if the play aged him. hehe
2. The crowd literally sounds like they are, and I am not exaggerating here, witnessing a tragic murder of some sort. There are blood curling screams evoked from this crowd of mostly "stunned in disbelief" silence. haha. I love saying "stunned in disbelief"...I will never forget that phrase.
3. I realized #5 hit his miracle HR in game 5 of the '05 NLCS. Just a coincidence I picked up cause I'm cool like that.

Speaking of Pujols, check out this interesting list of overlooked draft picks whose career career numbers we marvel at today.

On to other news: I am going to Chi-town this weekend for a reunion with friends and plan on wearing my Cardinals gear at some point. (There isn't really a uniform or anything, just a shirt) But I can't wait to see the anger and frustration on their faces. If they get pissy with me I'll probably say, "hey Zambrano, calm down, go fight amongst yourselves,I'm too busy revelling in our WS victory" (that's funny if you watch SportsCenter). I've been waiting to wear my Cards stuff in Chicago since we won the WS. My moment has arrived.I'll let you know how it goes.

In two weeks, me and Nan are going to New York City (inshaAllah). I can't wait to do all the touristy stuff and eat all the food and visit all the sites. My boss's kids used to live there and she was giving me tips for my trip based on her numerous visits there and asked me what we planned on doing. At some point she asked if I'd go see Letterman or Conan O'Brian and I told her we'd definately want to see O'Brian (cause he is King of late night in my home, unless you ask my dad, who still can't look beyond the red hair which annoys him, and appreciate the "be cool my babies" humor. I'm convinced my dad knows he's funny but lets the red hair dictate his negative feelings for him anyway) Anyways, my boss revealed to me that her daughter is BFF with Conie's wife. She said she could try to get me tickets and I thought I finally had found the ultimate hook-up in my life thus far. But of course, as fate would have it, Conan will probably not be taping that week and they'll just air re-runs. Grrrr. But that won't ruin my trip because.....

We're also going to a Cards-Mets game! YAAAAAY! A baseball game in NYC??? I've wanted to watch a Cardinals game outside of the STL but going to the Cards first visit at Shea since their NLCS win is just icing on top of the cake. Oh joy of all joys. I'm hoping we avoid an embarassing loss and I'm hoping to avoid getting my ass kicked. If we avoid those two things, I'd say it was a success.

I can't wait to bring back all the cool New York pictures. I've always wanted to visit the big apple and finally going almost seems like a dream. Telling you about it is on my to-do list, so come back to hear all the stories I'll have for you. (And that's an order). Peace out and "be cool my babies"

The Clubhouse: The 2007 Edition

I got some pretty good feedback from my '06 edition and because they won the WS series that same year (coincidence? I think not) I've decided to give this year's team another shot at the WS by entertaining ya'll with another fictional (or not, hmmmm?) scenario with our beloved Cardinals.

The Clubhouse: The 2007 Edition

A Nelly song is booming throughout the clubhouse and imposing upon every ear within hearing distance. It's probably an indication of Edmonds' inability to try new music. Today, Brad Thompson attempts to change the artist for the first time in 3 years but is frightened when a gurgling sound in the corner grows louder with his every step toward the stereo. He looks to find a grey haired Jim Edmonds in an almost angry convulsion, foamy saliva dripping from the sides of his mouth and the pupils of his eyes dilated almost entirely. Brad winces at the sight of this and slowly backs away. Jimmy returns to watching American Idol as if nothing happened.

Pujols, Tony and D. Duncan are discussing this year's team in Tony's office.

Pujols says in low, thickly accented voice, "yeah, I don't know what the hell happened at the start of the season with me. To be honest, I think some of Jimmy's crazy saliva ended up on the clubhouse food or something."

LaRussa cuts in with, "yeah, we really need to get that checked out"

Dave Duncan nods and adds, "yup, Jimmy should've been checked out by now, wonder why we let that go..."

Pujols continues, "....yeah, what the hell? Anyways, we all know that there's a lot of season left. What with Carpenter out and the young pitchers still feeling their way around, I see August as the possible turn-around point."

Tony nods his head but seems to be distracted by a commotion outside of the room. D. Duncan and Pujols turn to see what's going on.

Jason Isringhausen and Taguchi are having a good laugh at Aaron Miles expense.

Miles is defending himself, saying, "hey, that's not true! I don't eat banana peels anymore! That was a one time thing. I just liked the feeling of the banana peels in my mouth. It's a Colorado thing. Helton told me all the cool people do it!"

Izzie seems to consider this with doubt before a smile spreads across his elvish features and a thought dawns on him."Yeah, well, you're lucky as hell Taw-gooch didn't kill you them one time. That son-of-a-gun was really pissed."

Taguchi, in nervous laughter, chimes in, "yeah, I try impale you, but you skin really tough."

Izzie adds, "Must be them bananer peels!"

All three of them laugh loudly in unison.

Adam Kennedy is (naturally) drawn to the laughter and walks towards the threesome. He says (in a mentally challenged voice), "Did thomeone thay Ba-na-nath?"

The trio immediately stop laughing and Izzie says in a concerned voice, "Adam, buddy, did you leave Tom?"

Kennedy exaggeratively lowers his bottom lip and says sadly,"I thought we friendth?"

Taguchi, Izzie and Miles eye eachother with pity on their faces before Taguchi says, "Sure, we friends, big guy".

A man in a red shirt and khaki shorts is seen somewhere in the background calling out, "Kennedyyyy? Where'd ya go, big guy?"

Miles answers, "Over here, Tom!"

Tom, Adam's guardian, was sent over with Kennedy under false pretenses that that he was his trainer. Unfortunately, the Cardinals soon learned that Adam needed a guardian to make sure he would not do things like cross streets by himself and would have the proper tutor to teach him his ABCs. Adam's more than exceeded expectations, though. No, he can't quite field as well as the Cardinals would have hoped and his offense leaves little to brag about, but he is well on his way to learning what sound the letter "F" makes. He still has difficulty differentiating between the sounds the letter "S" and letters "TH" make. In his defense, sometimes people just confuse the two sounds. It happens. Really.

"Adam?", Tom asks, "I thought you were having fun playing 'Simon Says"! Why'd you leave me!?

"Me no like 'thimon thays!," he says, exaggerating his distaste for the game and crossing his arms over one another.

Izzie tries to help, saying "Hey big guy, if we promise to come join you later, will you go back with Tom?"

Kennedy smiles and says, "Yeth!"

Tom grabs Kennedy's hand and (hand in hand) they walk back to the trainers room.

LaRussa, seeing this exchanged, sighs and says, "yeah, the Angels really screwed us on that one."

Pujols: "Have you even asked them about Edmonds yet?"

LaRussa bows his head and says, "I'm too ashamed."

Out by the television, Scott Rolen, Jim Edmonds and David Eckstein relax on a couch, arguing over who the real American idol is during the commercial break.

Rolen: "Hands down, Blake"

Eckstein: "I like Jordan's voice. It reminds me of butterflies and hobbits."

(Rolen coughs "loser" into his hand.)

Edmonds: "I miss Sanjaya. He had pretty hair."

Rolen and Eckstein eye one another, with Rolen raising an eyebrow in alarm and Eckstein soundlessly mouthing "I-told-you-so."

As Edmonds continues to make his case for the talentless idol, Wainwright flips through the channels to check for other baseball games. As each channel disappears into another, a menacingly familiar gurgling sound from Edmond's direction grows louder. Wainwright looks over at Edmonds, who is spewing foamy saliva from his mouth and hissing.

"Changeitback-Changeitback-Changeitback-Changeitback" he repeats and shakes until he falls to the ground, rolling and rolling across the room with wild abandon. The sound "Changeitback-Changeitback-Changeitback-Changeitback" is echoing across the room full of stunned athletes until LaRussa storms out of his office, yelling "Who the hell is changing the channel?"

The whole room is silent except for the constant "Changeitback-Changeitback-Changeitback" and sound of Jimmy's body rolling across the floor, occasionally bumping into the walls and a few legs.

A nervous hand slowly raises in the air as its owner's voice replies, "b-but it was a commercial."

LaRussa sighs but smiles and says, "Come on Wainwright, let's not do this."

Wainwright turns back towards the TV and changes it back in time for the sound of Ryan Seacrest's self satisfied voice. Jimmy immediately gets off the ground and returns to the couch to watch intently. He shakes back and forth a few times before he starts to shimmy his shoulders to the beat boxing of Blake Lewis and his version of Bon Jovi's "You Give Love a Bad Name". Everyone pretends like nothing happened, except Wainwright, who wipes away the single tear that rolls down his cheek.

LaRussa returns to his office to find a disappointed looking Duncan Sr. Duncan Jr. and Pujols staring at him.

Duncan Jr. says, "You know you're an enabler, don't you?"

LaRussa shrugs his shoulders but looks at Duncan Jr. suspiciously and says, "Who taught you the word 'enabler'?"

Pujols cries out, "He rolled across the floor and now he's shimmying! Shimmying!", he repeats in horror. "Why are we letting this happen? And you know what else? We aren't obligated to play retards at second base!", he nods over in Kennedy's direction, who is screaming "Thimon thayth 'pick your butt!!!" and giggles loudly.

LaRussa quickly replies, "Hey, when the Angels called him 'special', we all thought they meant talented. We already went over this."

Pujols replies smartly, "Yeah, he's special, like 'He likes banana peels' special?"

(Miles yells indignantly, "Hey, it was a thing! I'm over it!" in the background.)

Duncan Jr., meanwhile, whines to his father. "Hey pop, you said when I hit another homer, you'd re-stock the chew".

Duncan Sr. breaks his usual stoic features to laugh and, grabbing his son (with some difficulty, as Jr. is quite a bit taller) in a headlock, growls with delight. "Who's daddy's big boy?"

Duncan Jr. guffaws and laughs, yelling, "I am! I am!".

Pujols walks out with his hand on his forehead and bumps into his friend, Yadier Molina.

"What's wrong, big guy?", Yadi asks in concern.

Pujols replies in a tired, strained voice, "I told you not to call me that after they started calling you-know-who that..." and he nods over in Kennedy's direction again, who's yelling, "Thimon Thayth give me a hug!" as Tom replies with a, "awww" and rushes over to give Adam a hug.

Molina: "yeah, my bad. Let's watch videos of your 2005 NLCS game 5 HR and my 2006 NLCS game 7 HR on repeat again?!"

Pujols replies with a sigh, "Not tonight, Yadi. Not tonight."

Yadier looks disappointed but smiles and quickly insists, "Let's go out, get your mind off of some of these locos".

Pujols grins in return and says "you're a good man, Yadier Molina," causing Yadi to swell with pride. Pujols and Molina grab Wrainwright on their way out, but bump into Brad Thompson who, shaking, pleads "Please take me with you. I th-think he 's looking at me. I can't tell, but I think he is."

All men look over in Edmonds direction, who has one eye pointing in the television's direction and another staring at them, even blinking seperately from the other.

"AH!" they scream and start to hurry out the door, but not before Pujols runs into LaRussa's office and pleads, "Please, for the love of all Cardinal World Championships, get it checked out!".

Duncan Jr., Sr. and LaRussa don't need to ask what the "it" is. They all move slowly toward the office window, stopping a foot shy to catch a glimpse of Edmonds. Their eyes strain to find him, as he proves missing from the television area. They creep ever so slowly towards the door and place their faces against the glass window.

A head pops up from behind the door, and Edmonds, two eyes shifting in seperate directions and tapping his fingers against his face, repeats, "higuys-higuys-higuys-higuys..."

They all jump back in shock and horror, and with Duncan Jr. whimpering in the arms of his father, LaRussa whispers in a terrified voice, "Damn your eyes, Edmonds, damn your eyes!"

Looking over at Duncan Sr., he asks, "What would Bob Gibson do?" but without waiting for a reply, he grabs a bat, runs out the door and starts to beat Edmonds.

Standing in the door, Dunc watches the clobbering before him and yells "Uh, that's not what he would've done, LaRussa. I think he would've beaned him."

Tony yells, "then grab some balls, smartass!"

As Eckstein and Rolen tear their eyes away from the TV long enough to see their skipper beating their teammate with a bat, along with the pitching coach hurling baseballs at him, Eckstein asks Rolen, "you think we should help?"

Rolen nods his head. He proceeds to get up, walk towards the three men, grabs a ball out of Duncan's hand and throws it hardly at Jimmy.