Tidbits and Skadoosh.

Hello cyber studs, I've been gone so long because I was overwhelmed with the writing I was doing at work. I never thought I'd get sick of writing but ( gasp!) it happened. I'm back because I realized, "hey, what the hell, let's keep this simple." Shall we?

• Have you ever seen someone do something they think they're special at but they're not unique in their ability to do it. I mean, you look at them and think, "sh*t, I can do that!" Yeah, that happens to me a lot. Let's take a moment to feel outraged. Ok, let's move on now.

• Will Leitch is leaving deadspin.com! Wow, this has been a big year for him. He published a book. He got a lot of press after Buzz Bissinger's rude-dude 'tude backfired. Now he's going to be a contributer for New York Magazine. I mean, I'm talking about him in my blog. Big year.

• Adam Wainwright is headed to the DL! I'm not devastated, just annoyed. Apparently he heard his middle finger "pop" and an injury specialist from BaseballProspectus.com told Bernie Miklasz and Randy Karakker on The Roll Home (team1380.net) that this sounds like the same injury that happened to RP Joel Zumaya of the Detroit Tigers. It has some special name I can't remember, so more importantly, Zumaya was out for 4 months-which sucks, but at least it's not a year. If this injury is like Zumaya's, then the good news is it shouldn't be a long term problem for his career. This is just a sucky short term situation. Carpenter is projected to return around the all-star break. We'll see how we-as in the Cardinals and what the heck-Cardinal Nation- handle this.

• I've realized that I can be as stupid as those soap opera characters I used to yell at on TV. Yes, I fell into a soap opera trap because I lived in a third world country and clung to anything in English on TV, no matter how hideous the plot. Enter "The Bold and the Beautiful", but that's a different story for another time. Instead, I'm referring to being a person who's treated poorly but make excuses for the perps, just like those dumbasses in the soaps. I need to see myself on TV so I can see clearly or get better perspective.

• I was watching Queen's 1981 concert in Montreal tonight on DVD (don't ask) and noticed how obviously gay (not PC?) Freddy Mercury was and thought it was hilarious awesome that no one else could tell back then. It was like people in the 80's had some *special gay blind fold on. I mean, he was pretty gay. I even noted he looked like he could be one of the village people. Funny the difference 27 years makes. Now-a-days, no one except for foreign people, old people or little kids could possibly be confused about his sexual orientation. I know, my un-PC-ness is off the charts. *A wildly popular item with Arabs.

• Cubs fans think they're winning the World Series. They believe that this is their year, because, God knows, they were just kidding about the other 100 times they believed it was their year.TELL ME SOMETHING NEW! Tell me a Cubs fan believes they are the ancestor of the modern Pirates fan or that Wrigley Field is really the world's largest toilet (fact). Just tell me something....anything....besides this repetative Cubby faith crap. Thank God I've only been alive for 24 years of this bitching. I couldn't stand 100.

• I give Sex in the City-the movie- and Kung Fu Panda both thumbs up! Kung Fu Panda has me saying "Skadoosh" like a crackhead says, "just one dollar,maaaan". It's an addictively awesome word and fits anywhere. Skadoosh! see?

• I walked through our living room and noticed oversized objects everywhere. I can eat rice with our huge decorative wooden spoon, drink tea or coffee with our huge decorative tea/coffee pot or watch TV on our big screen TV. I'm sure I'm missin something. I'll be back with more. But you never know, we might have to feed that Arab GIANT that apparently lives in our basement with that wooden spoon.

• I want to kick those middle aged men who insist on calling me "sweetie" in the knee caps. And then clonk their heads together. I'm not your sweetie.

• I went to Milwaukee and tried to go to a Brewers-Astros game. It was sold out cause of Ryan Braun **bobblehead day. Here's my report: their stadium is not in the middle of downtown Milwaukee, they do some serious tailgating in their lots, and I screamed "Brewers SUUUUUUUUUCK" as we drove off. Repeatedly. **Brewers fans are known to be bobblehead whores. Seriously, every time I watch a Brewers game, bobblehead days sell out like nobody's business. SKADOOSH!

Stay in Hibernation

Cards-Cubs Weekend. What a beautiful rivalry. Thanks to deadspin, I was able to check out two blogs...

Thunder Matt's Saloon decided to respond to Cardinals Diaspora, who explained why the Cubs suck, by explaining why he hates the Cardinals. So, here's my response to Thunder Matt's Saloon comments. So goes the life of a blogger...

1. Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa basically led the Steroid Era. The Cubs learned their lesson by sticking with pretty steroid-free players for the most part. The Cardinals? They promote Rick Ankiel and trade for Troy Glaus, two guys linked to HGH use.

So do you want us to drop Ankiel and Glaus? Is that what you're saying? Would you like us to go ahead and forfeit the division so you can bring more celebrities to your 7th inning stretches or have Jim Belushi caught on another ESPN camera eating a hotdog at Wrigley? Besides, Ankiel is our baby Jesus. He practically died for our sins.

2. Albert Pujols. Sure, he's a fantastic ballplayer, but he's kind of a little bitch sometimes. Remember when he complained a few years ago when Ryan Howard won the MVP over him? Remember how Pujols complained... (...)

I couldn't even copy and paste the rest of this. Are you kidding me? I'm still upset Pujols hasn't won at least 3 MVP awards. Do you understand his career numbers are comparable to Ted Williams, Joe Dimaggio and Co.? He's the most valuable player in baseball. I don't even know what to say to you. I'm sure you guys would have traded him for three Cory Pattersons by now. Your complaining kind of makes you a little bitch too. So, in all fairness, we're all capable of being little bitches who complain.

3. Tony La Russa. I'm not even going to go into the drinking thing (everyone makes mistakes). What bothers me the most about him is that he over-manages and I'm pretty sure it's just to drive me crazy. I thought La Russa was going to break Spring Training this year with 16 pitchers so he could play even more matchups, but that would stop him from pulling 8 double switches a game, wouldn't it?

I, too, sometimes am frustrated when there are eight double switches in a game. Then I remember the last eight years: we've been to the post-season in six of the last eight seasons, enjoyed three league championship series, played in two World Series and enjoyed one magnificent-yes, it's as beautiful as they say it is-World Series title. And then the eight double switches don't bother me as much. It's amazing what success does for your patience. You guys should try winning the World Series some time to see what I mean. I, mean, uh, never mind.

4. Their colors. You're primarily red. That's great and all, but there's another team in your division already that claimed that color. And guess what? They're actually called the Reds. That's dedication. You know who else has a sort of half-hearted association with red uniforms? The Astros. Is that really the level you want to be on?

Um, you're blue. Is that why ya'll are so cranky and sad all the time? Is it so when you lose you guys can say, "you look blue" to one another and crack a half-hearted smile at your puns?

5. Lou Brock. You sons of bitches...

Yeah, you guys really messed up there :)

6. Doesn't it seem like the Cardinals have a never-ending supply of pitchers that own the Cubs and then suck against them as soon as they leave St. Louis? The perfect recent example of this is Matt Morris. God...Morris used to OWN the Cubs. Then he leaves St. Louis, and the Cubs destroy him. How the hell does this keep happening???(I realize that fits under "Reasons I Hate The Cardinals" better than "Why The Cardinals Suck". So what? I don't see you writing your own list.)

Yes, your list is a why you hate the Cardinals list. I'm glad you noticed. But let me also point out that we generally don't try to keep pitchers we feel are deteriorating skill-level wise. Example:Kip Wells. So, what could be happening is we have these pitchers because they play well for us. Then they do not play well for us and we decide not to resign them. Now, I know this concept is hard for you to understand, but please try.

7. Even a Cubs fan can admit that Walt Jocketty was money. And the Cards just let him go? To a division rival? Terrible. F.

Yes, yes, I liked Jocketty too. But I think it's safe to say that anyone with 100 years of a championship drought can't judge the rest of the baseball world too harshly. I think you need to let this go and focus on your own failures. For example, keep focusing on trading Lou Brock.

8. Tony La Russa wears sunglasses at night. Who do you think you are, Corey Hart?

Cory Hart stole Tony's signature "creepy guy at night" look. So let's give credit to the "creepy guy at night" look where credit is due.

9. When David Eckstein won World Series MVP, the Cardinals rewarded him with a giant SUV. That's just about the meanest thing I can think of. David Eckstein can't get into an SUV! He has enough trouble driving a big wheel! What, would you give a bike to a guy with no legs?

Wow. I think our top priority at the time was winning the World Series and not worrying about what car Eckstein drove. Now, if this is the biggest problem you can think of, then I think it's safe to say our problems are a lot nicer than your problems. (*Also, I like the thought of a guy with no legs winning a World Series championship with us before the Cubs do.)

10. See below:

Cardinals' Diaspora also pointed out that the Cubs sucked because Jeff Gordon, who coincidentally sucks, sang 'Take Me Out to the Ballgame' during 7th inning strech. Here's how he responded...

So here's your logic:

Jeff Gordon = Suck

Jeff Gordon = Sang The 7th Inning Stretch For The Cubs

Therefore...

Cubs = Suck

Something that even Cubs and Cardinals fans can agree on is that Jeff Gordon is terrible. But ever since Harry died, the Cubs front office has been parading in pseudo-celebs to sing, whether true Cub fans or not. Most Cubs fans will agree that half the people coming in to sing the stretch have no business being there. But your logic is flawed. Because if what you say is true, then the following must be true as well:

Cardinals = Red

Communists = Red

Cardinals = Communists

Communists = Hate America

Therefore...

Cardinals = Hate America.

But I can one up him...

Cubs=Blue

Blue= sadness

Sadness=depressed state

depressed state=depression

depression=suicide

suicide=end of human life

Therefore...

Cubs=end of human life.

Thank you. Go Cards.

Think you're seeing rainbows? You aren't the only one

Attending the Cardinals game at Busch Stadium on Sunday where we hosted the San Fransisco Giants on a gorgeously sunny afternoon, my best friend's two year old daughter-enjoying the first game she'll remember (one doesn't count)-was sitting in my sister's lap, taking in the sights and sounds of this new world she had never discovered beyond the realm of television. I can only imagine what she saw; an endless array of a gazillion strangers, or our closest friends, randomly screaming, joyously pumping their fists, high fiving one another and chanting to their hearts' desire, and she joined them as if she were born to do this. She was, of course. Being a Cardinals fan is her birthright.

And she did the things baseball fans are prone to do at baseball games. Besides the previously mentioned ballpark practices, she ate junkfood beyond the recommended amount a two year old should consume in one day. Hotdogs, cotton candy, and ice cream were intermittently brought in to mingle with her chanting and laughing. It was a joy to see-someone so young and still unjaded by the atmosphere. Still untouched by the pitfalls of being a true fan who experiences it all. She probably couldn't believe we were actually all sitting outside and screaming for close to three hours. At one point she even pointed to the field and exclaimed to her mother, "Mama, my turn!" because she insisted her turn to play on the field was something we all couldn't afford to miss. I laughed at the thought of Besan the two-year-old taking the ball on the mound from Tony and then running away as the players chased her and thousands of people laughed. It didn't seem like such a bad idea.

We lost the game, but we didn't leave the ballpark discouraged by this year's team. It seems Cardinals' fans took things for granted and many of us, not me, egregiously became jaded by all the winning. We were warned before Spring Training that this year's team wouldn't stand a chance and many fans even went so far as to over-react to the national media's assessment of Albert Pujols's elbow (even though they should've known better!). These fans said Tony would be insane if he didn't shut Pujols down before the season even started, send him off to surgery and hope he makes it back by mid-season next year, perhaps when this younger/inexperienced team with a year under their belt stood a chance.

Spring came and went, Pujols continued to play and we all prepared for the worst. Then the season started and the product on the field didn't yield something that resembles what we'd expect to come out of one of the Clydesdales' behinds. In fact, they were playing exciting baseball. We lost players last year that represented the core of this decade's Murderer's Row, but those players weren't producing anymore. This year's team is running, hustling, and yes, making mistakes, but considering what we were expecting-I'll take it. I think, for the most part, Cardinal fans know this isn't a team ready to take the division title, but what we've seen so far convinces me that the road to contention isn't as long or crooked as we might have been led to believe by the "experts". I feel good about this team because I know that, sure we're rebuilding, but we're still competing. And as long as we're still competing and making dazzling plays like the one pitcher Joel Piniero made on the mound yesterday, I can live with this.

At one point, little Besan looked out beyond the stadium, pointed to the arch and said, "Look! A rainbow!" We all laughed and corrected her. But maybe if we're as insightful as Besan, we'll be patient and see the rainbow is not too far off in the distance-even if they're telling us it isn't there.

Did You Feel That!?

I awoke this morning to my bed shaking and my door rattling. At first I thought the wind was rattling my door (as will happen when the window is actually open). But when I remembered the window was shut and it occurred to me my bed was shaking, I took notice and grew frightened... especially as this went on for longer than 10 seconds. Yeah- nothing like an EARTHQUAKE TO WAKE YOU OUT OF BED!

I know people in California will think we're wusses, but let's think about this. We never feel earthquakes here in St. Louis. I realize that it's a daily occurance in Cali, but we're used to brushing off tornado warnings. The sound of tornado warning sirens going off in July is as common as the sounds of puppet-like clapping at a Cards game. Plus, we learn early here about the New Madrid Fault line that runs along St. Louis, so if anything, we're taught that the earthquakes in St. Louis are insane, kill people and we're supposedly getting another one at some point. You can imagine the frustration this caused in high school...

Students: "when?"

Geology teacher: "I can't say, but there's a big chance a major one will occur.I can't say for sure."

students: (more frightened) "But when?!"

Geology teacher: "I dunno. But the last one killed a lot of people. It's pretty scary when you think about it.

Students: Look of fear, mouths gaping. "But...but..."

Geology teacher: "So about those rocks..."

I began to wonder if anyone else felt it and checked my clock to get an exact time to help fill details in my story the next morning (it was 4:38 am) when I heard my mother, father and sister talking as they met up in the kitchen. I walked out, knowing we had all felt this earthquake, and we all exchanged our own accounts of what happened.

The (well, second) biggest thing for me is that I went to bed around 9-something pm. I know this might be normal for some people,but being an insomniac, sleeping this early is a rare occurance for me. I usually only sleep that early after flying into another country and my sleep pattern is off. I guess it's just one of those nights.

We checked the news about 15 minutes ago and they're reporting it to have centered in southeast Illinois, at 5.2 on the richtor scale. Once they mentioned it was felt in places like Chicago, my sister and I joked that we might get more media coverage now that Chi-town was victimized by nature. Otherwise, everyone would of shushed us up. Sort of like how my mom was shushing us and begging us to go to bed as we began to joke and imitate hicks calling in news stations to report their remote controls had fallen off their potbellies as they were watching their TV.

"It done fell right off my belly and onto the ground!"

Or other people, who over react (like my dad did)...

overreactive St. Louisan:"My cat was on the bed...but then it wasn't there anymore!

Police officer: "Ma'am, do you think it just jumped off?"

overreactive St. Louisan: "I haven't seen kitty in an hour!"

Police officer: (pointing to cat in kitchen) "Ma'am, is that your cat?"

overreactive St. Louisan: "Kitty! Oh Kitty!" (runs and hugs her cat)

Anyways, hope all is well and nobody's pictures fell on their heads. I just had an epiphany. When watching the news, I always ask why people who are affected by natural disasters choose to live in those types of areas. But then it occurred to me: in St. Louis, we experience tornadoes, flooding, and right now, earthquakes. We're like a Biblical story waiting to happen. Good to know.

So I bought tickets and plan on going to the Cards-Giants game on Sunday, but that's if, as I told my sister, we can make it.

Things I can say for certain right now...

• I have a very special story about Opening Day coming up ;)
• I went from despising Britney to feeling sorry for her and wanting her to get better.
• I really, really like sleeping in. Next to baseball, boardgames and BBQs,(and apparently anything else that begins with B) it's probably my favorite past-time.
• I realized a little while ago, and admitted to some friends tonight, that the first CD I ever bought was a single..."Livin' La Vida Loca". Yup, Ricky Martin. I was 14-leave me be.
• I'm patient enough to let my nails grow out, but impatient enough to bite them all off within minutes when I'm nervous.
• I hate high heels, but need them to be taller. I thought I'd be used to them by now.
• I don't love all kids. Some I love. But some-not so much.
• I don't remember why I became sarcastic, but I promise it probably started in high school.
• There are some moments in my life where I instinctually know what someone with a big secret is going to say before they finally tell me. Sometimes I wished I didn't know.
• I cried tears of joy the other day.

The Brett Favre Jersey Story

I wish I could tell you an inspirational story about getting Favre's jersey sent to me in the mail with a personal note from his truely saying something along the lines of 'to Sports Gal, you're awesome. With Love-Brett Favre', but it seems that being a girl who's also a sports fan always leaves room for stories about bums out there who think that I, a female (gasp!), could have any possible knowledge of anything pertaining to sports.

Today, I had my first gender inspired prejudiced sports moment in a while. Not the every day kind I usually get. I mean the kind that annoys me even now, at 1:25 am. Leave it to the lanky, pasty boy working at Sports Fanatic in West County Mall to make me want to punch a, well um, lanky pasty boy.

I was trying to make a miraculous last minute birthday gift possible. My guy cousin is a Packers fan. Trying to be the hero who got him a Favre replica jersey, my gal cousin and I walked into the sports store and I promptly asked lanky, pasty boy how much the Favre replica jerseys cost.

Now, I worked at a sports store for a few years. I know that if a woman, or man, walked into a sports store and used the sports clothing jargon "replica" then they probably had a pretty good idea of what they were talking about. I wasn't going to question the man or woman's sports intelligence. If a guy/gal walked in and said "I want the real thing" I would assume he/she meant an "authentic jersey". If a guy/gal walked in and said, "I want the cheaper one", I would assume he/she meant "the replica" and so on, and so forth. If I was still working at a sports store, and had even a smidgeon of doubt whether the customer attempting to purchase the replica jersey might be aware of Favre's announced retirement for some crazy reason, I would have smartly remarked on the fact that the jersey had been a hot item since Favre had retired the previous week. This being the less insulting and obvious way of making sure the customer was aware they were purchasing a retired player's jersey, of course.

But oh, not lanky, pasty boy. First, he innocently remarked, "well, that's the only one left. Does this guy fit into a 5XL?" and then as we joked that he would probably not, he immediately jumped on the "girl equals no sports knowledge" wagon and remarkably asked, "Now, you DO know he retired, don't you?" Wow, my cousin and I just stared at him for a moment before my cousin asked in heavy sarcasm, "What? He retired!?!?!?!?" and looking around in mock surprise, I sarcastically added, "Wait, is this a sports store!?!?!?!" I immediately tried to rectify the situation by saying, "yes, we do know he retired, just recently in fact. But I was assuming the future hall of famer's jersey would still be a hot commodity". Which, as it turns out, was the reason for no more Favre replica jerseys being available, as this hot commodity had quickly sold out. Makes sense, huh? Well, he didn't explain himself and probably just continued to assume we were way in over our heads. We left the store, marveling at our missed opportunity to add, "This 'Favor' guy, is it? Was he any good?" Darn.

Now, before you go attempting to defend him by saying I'm overly sensative because I am a girl or that I'm over-reacting, I want you to ask yourself this. Would lanky, pasty boy had dared ask a guy, no matter his age, no matter his appearance, whether he knew that Favre had retired? No. No he would not have. And that's what angered me. I throw my sports clothing jargon out there and he still didn't latch on. He continued to float out into the abyss that is ignorance and incomprehension.

Kind of ironic, considering he assumed I was the ignorant one. But, that's the life of a sports gal, I presume. I still marvel at how little fan credibility I receive because I don't pee standing.

The Quote That Never Disappoints

Ray, people will come Ray. They'll come to Iowa for reasons they can't even fathom. They'll turn up your driveway not knowing for sure why they're doing it. They'll arrive at your door as innocent as children, longing for the past. Of course, we won't mind if you look around, you'll say. It's only $20 per person. They'll pass over the money without even thinking about it: for it is money they have and peace they lack. And they'll walk out to the bleachers; sit in shirtsleeves on a perfect afternoon. They'll find they have reserved seats somewhere along one of the baselines, where they sat when they were children and cheered their heroes. And they'll watch the game and it'll be as if they dipped themselves in magic waters. The memories will be so thick they'll have to brush them away from their faces. People will come Ray. The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again. Oh... people will come Ray. People will most definitely come.

----Terence Mann, Field of Dreams (James Earl Jones)