Thursday, June 02, 2005

Top Ten...part uno

Alright, you should of known this was coming. A Top Ten list is a must for anyone blogging because it's equally fun for both the blogger and the reader. In this installment of "Top Ten...", I was inspired while watching a game (Dodgers maybe) in which the broadcasters mentioned something about the fans leaving early...so here it is. The Top Ten things a real fan DOESN'T do. And here are the real fan rules... 10.) A real fan cannot refuse to give the opposite team or player props on a really, really good play. It IS ok, but only when it's an amazing performance. If you can't appreciate great plays on the opposite side, then you don't appreciate the game. It's only wrong if you're cheering for the other team a little too often on mediocre plays. Which leads me to number 9... 9.)Do not cheer for the other side too much. That just makes me question your loyalty to the team. If the rules of war applied to some fans, they would have been tried for treason or killed on the spot. So count your blessings. 8.)Real fans don't complain about something in a game to the point that the other fans want to bash your head in. PERHAPS someone MIGHT have complained to me about the wave not being appropriate in baseball "because it's really a football thing" in the midst of my wave-performance, or maybe they didn't. I'm just sayin'. 7.) Real fans do no boo a player if they're trying their hardest. How can you tell if they are, you may ask? Come on, you can tell. If they're flailing around, bruising left and right and you're booing their ass, then you've got the problem, not them. This, of course, is strictly for those who are, honest to God, trying their hardest. If you think you can do better, go join the team. 6.) Real fans DO NOT purposefully state the obvious, as if to provide a play-by-play loud enough for those around them to hear. If we wanted to listen to average broadcasting with someone stating the obvious, we'd go watch John Madden on Monday Night Football. Comprende? 5.) They also don't physically attack another fan, player or coach. Fans should remember, above all else, that it is still just a game, and violence is for people who feel the need to get to know a jail cell. Make fun of their mama, that still works. 4.) Choosing to watch a soap opera or movie they've already seen, over a game is inexcusable. The reasons are obvious. 3.)A real fan never allows any sort of prejudice to escape their lips. Race, sex, , religion, ethnicity, etc... do not factor into sports. Stating a fact and spewing prejudice are two very, very different things. 2.) Of course they never give up on their team. Those who take on the role of "Debbie Downer" should be sent to the set of Saturday Night Live. As much as Cubs' fans' annoy me, they never say never. True fans simply do not give up until the 27 outs, 4 quarters, 3 periods, or 2 halves are recorded. And finally, let's just say, I feel strongly about it... 1.) A real fan never leaves games early, never. Ever wonder about part of the 'come back win mystique'? Do u ever see some of the greatest comebacks footage minus the fans? Fans who leave are not interested in the well being of their team or outcome of the game. They're interested in getting to their car 5.2 seconds faster than the next idiot leaving early. One of my biggest pet peeves are those who leave a baseball game with 3-4 outs to go. What was the point of staying that long in the first place if you can't wait out 5-10 more minutes!? Those so-called fans are the same people who think they can talk trash about the team one second and jump on the "we're winning!" bandwagon the next. If you leave, it allows the other team to feel they own you. If you leave, it allows the other team's fans' to take over the chanting. If you leave, it allows your team to give up 2 outs earlier than they should. The team's job is to play until the game is over. The fan's job is to make sure the team knows they have to play until it's over. After all, this is YOUR house and sucky hosts make sucky parties. God,I hope I never get caught leaving a game early.
Like everyone else, I am going to die. But the words – the words live on
for as long as there are readers to see them, audiences to hear them. It is
immortality by proxy. It is not really a bad deal, all things considered.
-J. Michael Straczynski

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