Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Top Ten...Fabricated Quotes from the Cards Clubhouse

I know you've missed them. The way you stand there anxiously leaning from one foot to the other leaves me with no other conclusion than that you want another installment of Top Ten!!! (crowd cheers).

For this installment of "Top Ten...", you'll be reading the Top Ten fabricated quotes you might overhear from the Cardinals locker room.

10.) Adam Kennedy: "Why doesn't anyone love me?"

9.)David Eckstein: "Who wants to play Dungeons and Dragons with me?"

8.)Scott Rolen: "God, I hate Adam Kennedy"

7.)Jim Edmonds: "Who wants to make out?"

6.)Skip Schumaker: "I know my name's Skip, but it doesn't make me any less of a man!"

5.)Adam Wainwright: "God, I hate Adam Kennedy"

4.)Yadier Molina: "Does anyone want that butterfinger?"

3.)Chris Duncan: "Looks guys! No Hands!"

2.)Kip Wells: "Where's my butterfinger?"

1.)Albert Pujols: "No, I didn't say I WAS Jesus, I said I LOVED Jesus"

Sunday, July 29, 2007

The Butterflies Still Dwell in my Stomache

I'm not writing about Lindsay Lohan. Or Nicole Ritchie. Or Britney Spears. For all I care, they can spend their lives in jail. Maybe they have a bet going on who can rot the longest in the slammer. Honestly, I don't care.

What I do care about are the Cards, but they're toying with my emotions. On the one hand I know they're (at this point) 7 games out. So they're winning just enough to make me believe, even in the slightest possible amount. That's all I need to get my hopes up. On the other hand, they lose games like yesterday (12-2) to the Brewers and make me want to throw up and pull the covers over my head. Then there's the double header today and they come from behind in one game and play hard, sound winning baseball in the other. Then I feel good again. I guess this comes with the territory. I have to deal with caring too much.

For example, I really cared whether or not Harry Potter would die. I didn't want him to, but needed to know as soon as Badia-ly possible.So I holed myself up in my room for 24 hours to read the book and find out the outcome of this literary phenomenon I've invested 10 years of my life obsessing over. But alas, I won't ruin it for you. I'm not one of those people. I'll just say that, in my opinion, Rowling is a genius and HP7 is a classic. In time, I'll give my review. I just can't now because I care too much about the right of every HP fan to read the ending for themselves. I know. The "caring" can be overwhelming. It can be a blessing... and as baseball sometimes proves, a curse.

But the passion that accompanies caring makes life all the more worthwhile. I'd hate the thought of life without Harry Potter or the Cardinals. I almost can't remember life before either. The Cardinals always seemed to be there, even when...gasp...I didn't care as a child. And try as I might, my attempt at remembering life before Harry Potter leaves me with a fruitless explanation. In retrospect, life before the Potter books simply seems a total waste of Potter time.

There's a special place reserved in my heart for enticing reads and equally enticing games. In that sense, even when the Cards lose, it's a win-win situation. It's because of that, as a baseball fan in love with her team, even as they struggle in contrast to the immediate years preceding this one, I still feel blessed to watch them play. I feel the urgent need to know the score at the end of the day, even if something else in my life takes over. And while non-fans and casual fans feel sorry for a gal whose day gets a little gloomier after a heartbreaking loss, this gal returns the pity.

For it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. But I won't lie. It's always (always) better to have loved and won.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

My Scatterbrains from the All Star Game

Top 1st

Prince Fielder’s error actually caused me to say the words, “Ha ha, fat ass”. I don’t ‘dislike’ Prince Fielder. (In fact, I’m even in awe of his name) But I’m a little protective of Albert. So when the “people” chose Fielder over Albert, I got pissed. I know, Fielder’s having a better first half. But I love my Phat Albert. Hey hey hey!

Anyways, David Wright makes a great play and nobody scored. 0-0

Bottom 1st

Jose Reyes is so cool to watch. I said this in NY and I’ll say it again. He’s awesome to watch on TV but everything is so much cooler in person. He’s so quick and fields oh-so-smoothly. So he got a hit, stole a base (duh) and Griffey (whom I love) got a base hit (yay!) to make it 1-0. GO NATIONAL LEAGUE!

Top 2nd

Is it just me, or did Brad Penny start last year’s All-Star game. I can’t remember, is he the one who left his wife for the reporter?…hmmm, I’ll have to look that up.

Sigh, I miss Albert. Nice throw by Reyes. Still 1-0.

Bottom 2nd

Well well well, look who it is. Prince Fielder. Haren walked him. Fielder seems young. Watching a cute little video on him. Whoa, he has a son? Interesting. Haren seems like he’s laboring…but Cabrera strikes out.

Top 3rd

Ichiro and Jeter got hits with 2 outs against Sheets. David Ortiz is up. Yay L Arg, Sheets, arg. Phew, Ortiz hit a line drive, but right at Jr. Yowza. Phew.

Ha ha, this Burger King commercial cracks me the hell up. These people try to shut their grumbling stomachs by insanely yelling at them, “SHUT UP!!” LMAO. So apparently this sandwich shuts their stomachs up. Nice.

Bottom 3rd

Beckett’s in. Oh DANG, a ball just got passed A-Rod. It had some spin on it and when it hit the ground it bounced away.What a freak accident. (na na na-boo boo) Reyes is at 2nd base. Bonds is up…OHHH, it ALMOST looked like Bonds hit a HR but it was caught at the warning tracks. Joe Buck’s talking to Jim Leyland who reminds me of an awesome grandpa. I wonder if people accidentally call Joe by his dad’s name “Jack”. Reyes moved over to 3rd but Griffey strikes out.

Top 4th

They’re showing A-Rod’s walk-off HRs in the 1st half of the season. They’re playing “don’t stop believing” which reminds me of that series finale episode of The Sopranos. A-Rod got a base hit, then stole 2nd but now there are 2 outs. Ha ha, someone just got a hit and Griffey threw out A-Rod at the plate. So far Griffey’s the clear MVP!

Bottom 4th

I wanna see Pujols! AHHHH! Anyways, Beckett versus David Wright. Ball hits mound but Brian Roberts throws Wright out. Fielder hits line drive but Ichiro catches it. Russell Martin’s up. Oh my God, Joe Buck is in love with talking about Bonds and steroids. ENOUGH. ENOOOOOUGH! Make it stop! Ok, Russell Martin strikes out and I still haven’t seen Pujols.

Booooooooriiiiing.

Top 5th

Ummm, Derrek Lee is at 1st base. I wanna see Pujols L Is La Russa trying to set up some dramatic show down at the end? Ok, so Lee is at first and his fighting counterpart, Chris Young, is pitching. Buck just made a funny joke saying their fighting clips from earlier this season looked like a scene from the movie, “300”. Nice.

Lead-off walk by Young, BOOOO! What’s wrong with you!? Aren’t you pitching a 2.00 ERA? Get it together! Ok, pop-fly by Jorge Posada. HAHAHA, Eric Byrnes dog was practically forced off a boat to get a baseball floating (which Byrnes threw into the water) and the dog swam the opposite away. They had to rescue the dog. Joe Buck kept saying, “just get your dog back on your boat, Byrnes.”

So Ichiro gets an inside the park HR. What a fucking loser Young is. Get him out! 2-1 American League. Ok, 3 outs recorded. But behold, National League is losing. ARG.

Bottom 5th

Nothing happened. But Eric Byrnes dog, Bruno, is safe. We can all sleepy peacefully tonight. ( side note: I really was worried about the dog.)

Top 6th

A-Rod flies out. Vlad flies out. Crawford hits a HR after a good AB. 3-1 AL. Chase Utley makes another fine play to end the inning.

Bottom 6th

Great, Justin Verlander is in. Beltran gets a triple. Yahoo! Whatdya know, the NY reporter guy is interviewing a Yankee, Jeter. As if I care about the Yankees. So Griffey hits a sack fly, now 3-2. Wright shatters his bat hitting it up the middle. Matt Holliday is up. 2 outs but Wright’s at 2nd. Ok, Russell Martin, what ya got in you. Apparently nuthin, pop up. Blah.

Top 7th

Ok, so I have to point something funny out. Before the game started and they introduced the players, Joe Buck announced the “reserves” as the camera focused on each player. All you could hear after that was Manny Ramirez saying, “reserves? Reserves! Did you hear that? Reserves!” and the camera keeps moving on, 3-4 people later you still hear him in the background going, “Reserves!” Anyways, 1-2-3 outs.

7th Inning Stretch- Some Grammy winner is singing “God Bless America.” It’s ok. Not nearly as bad as Chris Isaac and his homie singing “National Anthem”. Shiver.

Bottom 7th

Ok, let’s go NL! (CLAP CLAP, CLAP CLAP CLAP!) LET’S GO NL! (CLAP CLAP, CLAP CLAP CLAP!)

Carlos Lee is in. It’s crazy that Johan Santana is pitching in the 7th inning, like some relief pitcher. Lee strikes out looking stupid. Sucks to be him. He was close to hitting a HR in this AB, close but not cigar. Soriano at the plate. Strikes out looking. A change-up beauty from Santana. BEAU-TI-FUL. Reyes is out, 1-2-3 inning for Santana.

Top 8th

No Pujols yet? This doesn’t feel like an All-Star game. Why won’t Tony put his star player in? I don’t even understand. I’m sad. So sad. So very sad. COMMERCIAL* Haha, that video game with Albert Pujols called “The Bigs” is featuring his commercial with his voice. But no Pujols playing in the All Star game yet…COME ON LA RUSSA!

Now that commercial with Charlie thinking about Hank…and his dad, brought to you by State Farm Insurance and making me cry for 2 days. OK, back to the game. Billy Wagner is up. Lowell gets a hit right away. Of Course. Oh, Big Papi’s hobby is cooking. Good to know.

Nice play by Freddy Sanchez playing at 3rd to get the out by that bull pen area. He practically caught it over his shoulder. Grady “McHottie” Sizemore is up at bat. Sizemore strikes out, the 1st for the NL tonight. So Victor Martinez hits a HR to make it 5-2 AL. Wow, Billy Wagner sucks ass as well. Why do these great NL pitchers always suck ass in the All Star Game. Carl Crawford is batting. Reyes throws him out. AL still dominant, apparently.

Bottom 8th

Well, I’m pissed. Not only is the NL losing, but Albert Pujols hasn’t played yet. Why have I been watching this, then? Either way, I have to leave to watch Harry Potter at the theater soon. Book 5 wasn’t my favorite, but I haven’t read it in a while and the movie will sort of be unpredictable in that way, seeing as to how I’ve forgotten quite a bit. But it’s all good. Ok, Derrek Lee floats a blooper into center field. Not before Tim McCarver called Papelbon “wonderfully whimsical”. How about you’re a “weirdo”, McCarver. Utley’s fun fact is he “likes to dance at weddings” according to the player profile thing. Funny.

Orlando Hudson strikes out but Lee stole. Tim McCarver busts my balls. He’s annoying. Aaron Rowand, the guy who ran into the fence face first catching a ball, is up at bat. Remember, he smashed his nose? Yeah, that guy. Anyways, Lee advanced on a wild pitch (or passed ball, I dunno) but Rowand strikes out and the next guy (wasn’t paying attention) flies out. Still, no Pujols. Still not worth watching the game.

Top 9th

Orlando gets the 1st out by making a nice play at 2nd. Brian Roberts is up at bat. Hoffman pitching. Gives up double to Posada. Now they’re talking about the umpire who’s umpiring for his last year before retiring. He started in 1971! He was also at that game b/w the Sox and Yankees when A-Rod and Varitek got into a fight. Coolness. Ok, scoreless night for Hoffman. One year too late, buddy. Holliday, McCann and a pinch hitter are up.

Bottom 9th

Ok, so I really, really need to leave to go watch Potter. But now I’m thinking Pujols might pinch hit. But I need to go. What to do- what to do? I’ll give it 6 minutes, then I’m getting the hell out.

Ok, so swear to god (why would I lie), the closer’s name is Putz. His last name, anyway. I could have fun with this guy if he played in the NL (he plays for the Mariners). Strikes out Holliday. McCann is batting now. I guess Pujols isn’t in La Russa’s plans. BOOOOOOO! What a waste of my time!

Just hurry up so I can leave. 2 outs, McCann pops up. Dimitri Young is up. What a fun guy. I hope he gets on base so Pujols can bat at least once. I mean, COME ON! Soriano’s on deck?! AKH! AKH!!!!! Anyways, Demitri Young has 2 strikes. Down to his final strike. They’re pronouncing it “puts” but we all know its “PUTZ” as you would normally read it. A-duh.

Game continues. Roberts can’t make the play. Young at 1st. Soriano is 0-2 but digging in.

HARDY IS ON DECK!?!? OK, I am gone. Syanora. I know they lost.

Notes from a Day Later

Ok, so the talk of the town (and national media, actually) is how TLR left Pujols, his star player…THE star player, out of the game. He apparently had a chance to pinch hit Pujols with bases loaded and he let Rowand hit for himself…and subsequently pop up to end the game. Wow, what a disappointing move by TLR. I waited for almost 3 freakin hours to see Pujols and nada-nuthin-uh uh. Anyways, maybe next year? I can’t think about this for too long or it’ll piss me off. But just to update everyone: Yes, Pujols was disappointed not to play but he's not pissed off like ESPN reported (stupid ESPN) and TLR admitted he probably should of put Pujols in. So there, you go, all is well.

On a side note, loved the new Harry Potter movie. In fact, I loved it more than the book (which never-ever happens). It was well directed and makes my appetite for all things Harry Potter stronger than ever before. The book comes out soon, I can't wait!

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

July 3rd Game

Cards vs. D-backs 07/03/07
  • Top of 1st

A couple of errors cost us 2 runs. Arg. Dan and Al are talking about Scott Boras's idea for a nine game World Series. How about no. Seven games are enough. (7/31 Update: There was a 9 game WS!)

Holy Crap. D-Backs lined out to end inning. That line out was hardly hit, I almost threw up. Just a little bit. phew.

commercial break*

Ok, so it's a commercial break and this Busch beer commercial voice-over guy sounds exactly like George Clooney. (7/31 Update: It IS George Clooney!)

  • Bottom of 1st

Miles is apparently batting .396 his last 11 games. I remember hating his guts this time last year. Now, he's not so bad. Funny what a difference a year can make. Now, Kennedy has taken that dishonorable place.

Pujols is up. Shhhhhh.

Pujols gets a hit up the middle on first pitch. Yay. They're complaining that he hasn't hit a HR. Shut up. Stop complaining. I mean, I would LIKE to see Pujols hit a HR, but Dan McClaughlin's voice hurts my head (and heart).

Duncan's on my fantasy team and he strikes out. Boo.

*commercial break. I just realized why I see so many casino/car/air conditioning/car repair commercials during Card games...because I'm supposed to be a guy watching this. Interesting.

Top of 2nd

Stupid errors in the 1st inning. The Brewers lost today and it's like we're trying to stay 10 behind.

Yeesh, started off by giving up a hit.

Cubs are winning again. Well well well, look who's playing like they haven't won in 99 years.

HAHAHAAA, Double play! In a weird, weird way. How the hell would they score it on a score card? It's all smarts by Pujols. Ok, so the guy tried to bunt but they had time to get the runner at 1st too. So they threw out the bunter at 1st and caught the guy advancing through a (long) run-down.

DAMNIT a HR! What the hell? ARG.

Final out, but we're already down 0-3.

commercial break*

Bottom of 2nd

We're hitting a lot of fly-outs tonight (Rolen just flew out). We were supposed to play Randy Johnson tonight but he went back on the DL. They said Bob Gibson sometimes watches games from Omaha. Why Omaha? Is Gibson so famous and so harassed by StL Cardinal fans that he needed to move to a place without people? Fun stuff. Oh, fun fact they just told us. Bob Gibson played for the Harlem Globetrotters.

Oh, they just talked about Kennedy bleeding last night. That was freaking disgusting. EW. Al said his finger just split open when he got hit by the ball. How does your finger just SPLIT OPEN!?!? No, not the nail, the FINGER!!!! What, is Adam Kennedy made of plastic or something? He just cracks open at contact?

Commercial break* Adorable Asian girl (who's so young she can't say her R's yet, sings the "My country tis a thee..." (or something like that) ex. "Let fweeeedom wing". haha.

Top 3rd

Who knew the Afflec duck thing would still be goin' strong? YIKES, 2-run homer. Down 0-5. Blarg.

HOLY CRAP. Another HR! back to back....0-6. Yowza. Maybe I should go away for a while until he starts pitching better. I'm a believer in superstitious crap like that. (this'll also make the argument of whether or not Reyes should've stayed up in the big leagues a little more interesting) Almost another HR and Taguchi misplays it. This feels like the opening series against the Mets this year. Sloppy, crappy, yucky. I better get the hell outta here. Oh crap wait, Taguchi just made a great catch and threw to 2nd base to get the runner out for a double play. Ok, I'm still going.

PEACE

Like everyone else, I am going to die. But the words – the words live on
for as long as there are readers to see them, audiences to hear them. It is
immortality by proxy. It is not really a bad deal, all things considered.
-J. Michael Straczynski

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