To Forgive is Not to Forget

I've been thinking a lot about the idea of forgiveness lately.

It's one of the hardest thing a person can do---to forgive. It's not just about pride, it's about trying to prevent a wrong from being committed...again. It's about having self esteem and not allowing someone to bring it down. It's about laying down boundaries and telling someone "You can't cross this one."

The "F" word is a tricky deal, especially when forgiveness pertains to friendship. You make a bargain with someone, trade some trust with the understanding that we will both value and handle it with care. Trust just happens to be the most fragile of valuables. We throw it back and forth until someone drops it, and then we wonder why we were so quick to toss it in the first place.

It is strange how the inner turmoil you tackle with before you reach forgiveness does not come with an expiration date. It takes its own time. You can't just snap your fingers and forgive, just like you can't just snap your fingers and trust. I only know that the deepest of broken trusts, like the deepest of scars, never actually fade. They're there as a reminder to teach you what your mind, like your body, can handle.

Yet, as soon as we're ready to forgive, a weight is lifted because we don't forgive for them, we forgive for ourselves. Still, we can never go back to square one thanks to a little thing called memory. As long as we have it, we never go back to the beginning. Life doesn't have one big rewind button. (But wouldn't it be great if it did?)

Even though we forgive at our own pace, apologies makes a big difference. Sometimes who tells you sorry-and means it-gives you this newfound option of forgiving sooner than later. They are telling you that you can rid of this pain now. Forgiveness doesn't mean you forget what they've done. It doesn't mean you give them an easy out or excuse their behavior. It only means you won't be held prisoner to their action anymore.

Look, I'm not saying that everyone deserves forgiveness or that people who can't forgive are necessarily wrong. I often wonder about people who are thrust into terrible situations and find the ability to forgive. I don't know if I'd be able to do that. I hope I never have to make that decision. But from sample size, I know that carrying around the burdon of their actions isn't yours to carry.

Think of your emotions like a meteorology report. Anger clouds your judgement. Your life becomes a stormy mess and it's up to you to pick up the debris left behind and clear away the mess. If you choose to forgive, don't forget what happened and ignore the warnings. Just move forward, keep your inner doplar on storm watch and enjoy the sunny days ahead.