Barry a la Zito

Ahhhh, Barry Zito. This guy was meant to be something, even if it didn't involve baseball. Why? It helps immensely that he's the most attractive athlete out there. Hey, hang in there. You don't have to agree. That's more Zito for me. Let me just tell you how I got there. Oh, I know that women swoon over another obvious choice, Tom Brady. But I'm convinced that if I could shrink him to doll size, small enough for Barbie's dreamhouse, he'd fit right in with the whole Barbie gang. I'm gonna be honest with you. That scares me. Just in case Tom Brady ever gets ahold of this little piece here, though, I love you, man. I didn't mean any of this. (He could get ahold of this. It's possible. You know, after the aliens from planet xyblog-6 take over the Earth, teach us how to clap with our nostrils and rocks become a delicacy for the Human race..but it's possible) Now, Jeter and A-Rod have got that multi-cultural look happening, but it's like they're morphing into the same person. Two superstars on the same team who appear to be clones and are obsessed over by the media? Nope, not for me. Plus, they remind me too much of Burt and Ernie. Take what you will from that. I'm just putting it out there. I'm not saying they look jaundiced or that (theoretically) Jeter carries around a rubber ducky... although, if I were to cast them, Jeter would actually be the one playing poor cranky Burt and it would be A-Rod as Ernie with his questionable rubber duckie.Don't act like you don't agree. But that's besides the point. While we're on the topic, though,I don't blame Burt for his crankiness. You try living with a guy obsessed with his rubber duckie, who always asks stupid questions. I'd be anal too. "Hey Burt, what day is it Burt? Burt, Burt? Have you seen my Rubber Ducky, Burt" I guarantee you Burt is patiently plotting a way to destroy Ernie an' I heard the plan involves the duck and some laxatives. I don't know what that means either, I'm just tellin' you what I heard. Anyways, David Beckham is fashionably cute, yes. It's just that the poor man sounds like they take soccer practice shots off his groin. The guy's voice is a couple pitches higher than mine and I ain't no Stalone. But Zito? There's just something about Zito. Is it the Athletics uniform? I have to say that does play a role. They all sport the stylish surfer-dude hair look, with Zito leading the pack. If it wasn't for poor Danny Haren's perpetual "A-Durrrr" look across his face, the team could have its own Calendar. (It's ok Danny, I understand. It's the exhaustion) Also, any man comfortable enough with himself to carry around stuffed animals all across the country, while owning a guitar AND Cy Young has earned his bonus points with me. Does it help that the sound of his name makes me crave pasta? Yes, people, it does. Zito would sound wonderful with some Parmesan cheese. This is not just a statement. It is a well documented fact. At this point you should be having these weird feelings you can't figure out... Don't worry, its only hunger and confusion. That wasn't my intention. I apologize, but thanks for stickin' with me. Hopefully you might understand my infatuation with an Italian kid from the West Coast who holds the key to my heart, and apparently, my stomache.