The Joke's On You

I've been inspired by a story my sister told me recently. On a Saturday night out with her friends, a Cubs fan holding a rock apparently approached one member of her group and barked, "Don't talk about my rock!" He handed the rock over to the victim before explaining this rock was a piece of Wrigley Field handed down through the generations of psychotic family members (assuming that carrying a rock around in social outtings is crazy) and that the rock was carried around specifically during Cardinal-Cubs games. The group stared in shock as the demented Cub grabbed the rock back and again barked "Don't talk about my rock!!!!", stalking away but not before looking back one final time with an over-dramatic look of pure hatred and crazed anger.

Ahhhhh,excellent. It's stories about Cubs fans like these that keep me amused. Why don't they understand that pieces of Wrigley Field should stay attached to Wrigley field? Maybe that's why the place is falling apart.

Well,the not-so-loveable Cubbies recently got terrible news when their newly re-signed superstar first baseman, Derrek Lee, was diagnosed with a sprained right wrist. He's expected to miss at least 2 months. I can't say I was pleased to hear such a great player get hurt, but ...

Well, you know what they say.

There's nothing like the healing power of laughter. And so in the spirit of, well, me basically, you get to enjoy a few jokes at the expense of the Cubs. Perhaps Derrek Lee won't actually heal in record time and perhaps the Cubs season has been, once again, "unexpectedly" threatened. There's still no reason why we can't all continue laughing at the Cubs. Let us keep our humor and let them keep their rocks.

Enjoy.

The following jokes were compiled over the internet, while certain variations were made in order to suit the intended audience. I'm also open to more Cubs jokes. Don't be afraid to offer.

• Mark Prior and Jim Edmonds both die. God shows Mark Prior around heaven. They finally get to Mark Prior's new house. Its a smaller one bedroom with faded Cubs banners and a few hats. God looks at him and says, "Be happy, most people don't even get a house". Prior then looks over on a hill and sees a huge mansion with Cardinal flags, banners, jerseys etc.... and Prior says "Why does Jim Edmonds get such a nice house and mine is so bad!" God says, "That's not Jim Edmond's house. Its mine".

• A Red Sox Fan, a Yankees fan, a Cubs fan and a Cardinals fan all climb to the top of a mountain, each proclaiming to be the most loyal to their team. As they climbed higher, the argument intensified as each of them insisted they were the most loyal of all. They continued fighting until they reach the top, where the Red Sox fan passionately yells, "this is for the Red Sox !!!!" and subsequently hurls himself off the mountain to prove his loyalty. Not to be outdone, the Yankee fan yells, "This is for the Yankees!!!" and jumps to his doom as well. The two remaining fans looked at each other in stunned silence. After a minute the Cardinal fan yells, "this is for the Cardinals!!!!!!!!" and with all the energy he can muster, pushes the Cubs fan off the mountain.

• Q: Whats the difference between Wrigley Field and a cactus?

  A: With a cactus all the pricks are on the outside.

• Q: What did Jesus say to the Cubs last time he was on Earth?

  A: "Don't do anything til I get back."

• Did you hear about the new Cubs soup? Two sips and then you choke.--Old joke

• How do you tell the difference between a Mark Prior autograph signing and a politician running for office?

  At least the politician will shake your hand before letting you down.