"No, dear, this movie is bullsh*t"

Ugh. I'm so bored. I wanted the Cardinals to win, but I didn't want them to stop playing! I just wish they could play and win everyday for the next 3 months. Is that so bad? It could be worse. I could be a Detroit-er (whatever, just go along with that)and feel the pain of loss for the next 3 months. I'm not mocking them. Lord knows, 2004 taught me to be nice to losers. Unless you're a Cub. In that case: "Bow down to me, infidel".

So,to get my mind off of the non-playing, I've decided to go down memory lane. See, I had to write a character review for one of my classes a few weeks ago and we had the choice of writing one based on someone who's a good role model or not, backing up why we thought so. That got me to thinking. Who's the shittiest excuse for a character out there. Who are the characters that are likeable by memory but through further analysis show they actually suck. In other words, who will I be telling my children to stay away from?

1. The Little Mermaid: When my daughter watches this movie, I'll tell her that being the skinniest girl in the neighborhood doesn't matter, being 16 does not make you eligable for marriage, and losing two legs to get a man is unforgiveable. For example, I would not bless my daughter if she decided to grow a tail and marry a dog. Rules are rules. "If she really were responsible," I'd tell her, "Ariel would have known not to take mysterious medicine from a witch/Octopus." Ariel might as well have been taking crack for all she knew.
2. Molly Ringwald-Pretty in Pink: The poor character Ringwald plays is dissed by her rich boyfriend after he caves in to peer pressure and decides not to take her to the dance. Who's there to rescue her but her best friend who despises school dances but, because he loves her, takes her to it anyway. What does she do once she gets there? Within the first five minutes, she leaves her best friend for the rich jerk who already made the wrong decision. Way to go movie-makers with a message. Way to go.
3. Cinderella: This one hurts too, but think about it. If you're ugly, it's probably because you're mean and have feet made to flatten land. New members of your family will probably treat you like a slave. (By the way, what is up with Cinderella's dad marrying that bitch? Was that a wrong judge of character of what?) Talking to rats, even cute fat ones that stutter, is not cool. And why wouldn't the cat be evil, he was named after the devil. Lucifer? Hello, he was screwed from the get-go! Do not blame the cat, people. Do not blame the cat.
4. The Wizard of Oz: That good witch Glenda, the one that's supposedly pretty, is a bitch. "Only bad witches are ugly" she said. If I ever wanted to reach into a screen and punch a character, it was Glenda. She ain't even that pretty. And she overdresses. I mean, who wears a ball gown on the job? It's not like she's "Glenda the princess"...she's a witch.Be modest, hoe.

Well, that's all I can think of. I'll try to update this list later.

By the way,as a Rams fan, I want God to put the Rams out of their misery and end this season. And as a Blues fan (although watching them lose for the last 2 yrs hasn't been a priority) I kind of wish next year would be here already too. Gosh, this is what losing is like. This is what the Cubs must feel like every year. Interesting.