"No, dear, this movie is bullsh*t"

Ugh. I'm so bored. I wanted the Cardinals to win, but I didn't want them to stop playing! I just wish they could play and win everyday for the next 3 months. Is that so bad? It could be worse. I could be a Detroit-er (whatever, just go along with that)and feel the pain of loss for the next 3 months. I'm not mocking them. Lord knows, 2004 taught me to be nice to losers. Unless you're a Cub. In that case: "Bow down to me, infidel".

So,to get my mind off of the non-playing, I've decided to go down memory lane. See, I had to write a character review for one of my classes a few weeks ago and we had the choice of writing one based on someone who's a good role model or not, backing up why we thought so. That got me to thinking. Who's the shittiest excuse for a character out there. Who are the characters that are likeable by memory but through further analysis show they actually suck. In other words, who will I be telling my children to stay away from?

1. The Little Mermaid: When my daughter watches this movie, I'll tell her that being the skinniest girl in the neighborhood doesn't matter, being 16 does not make you eligable for marriage, and losing two legs to get a man is unforgiveable. For example, I would not bless my daughter if she decided to grow a tail and marry a dog. Rules are rules. "If she really were responsible," I'd tell her, "Ariel would have known not to take mysterious medicine from a witch/Octopus." Ariel might as well have been taking crack for all she knew.
2. Molly Ringwald-Pretty in Pink: The poor character Ringwald plays is dissed by her rich boyfriend after he caves in to peer pressure and decides not to take her to the dance. Who's there to rescue her but her best friend who despises school dances but, because he loves her, takes her to it anyway. What does she do once she gets there? Within the first five minutes, she leaves her best friend for the rich jerk who already made the wrong decision. Way to go movie-makers with a message. Way to go.
3. Cinderella: This one hurts too, but think about it. If you're ugly, it's probably because you're mean and have feet made to flatten land. New members of your family will probably treat you like a slave. (By the way, what is up with Cinderella's dad marrying that bitch? Was that a wrong judge of character of what?) Talking to rats, even cute fat ones that stutter, is not cool. And why wouldn't the cat be evil, he was named after the devil. Lucifer? Hello, he was screwed from the get-go! Do not blame the cat, people. Do not blame the cat.
4. The Wizard of Oz: That good witch Glenda, the one that's supposedly pretty, is a bitch. "Only bad witches are ugly" she said. If I ever wanted to reach into a screen and punch a character, it was Glenda. She ain't even that pretty. And she overdresses. I mean, who wears a ball gown on the job? It's not like she's "Glenda the princess"...she's a witch.Be modest, hoe.

Well, that's all I can think of. I'll try to update this list later.

By the way,as a Rams fan, I want God to put the Rams out of their misery and end this season. And as a Blues fan (although watching them lose for the last 2 yrs hasn't been a priority) I kind of wish next year would be here already too. Gosh, this is what losing is like. This is what the Cubs must feel like every year. Interesting.

Cardinals Apologize For Winning World Series

Cardinals Apologize For Winning World Series

ST. LOUIS—Calling Friday night's victory on baseball's grandest stage "a terrible mistake," members of the St. Louis Cardinals issued a formal apology for making the playoffs, winning the World Series, and depriving baseball fans everywhere...

ST. LOUIS—Calling Friday night's victory on baseball's grandest stage "a terrible mistake," members of the St. Louis Cardinals issued a formal apology for making the playoffs, winning the World Series, and depriving baseball fans everywhere of a season featuring the kind of heartwarming, storybook ending to which they have grown accustomed in recent years.

"I'm still struggling to understand how this could have happened," said a sober Tony La Russa during a press conference following Game 5. "It seemed all but certain coming into this series that we were going to be a part of something truly special, that we would easily put the finishing touches on a magical season that inspired millions of fans around the country, but instead we somehow ended up winning."

"It's disappointing, to say the least," La Russa added. "We were rooting for the Detroit Tigers just like everyone else."

According to Cardinals players, they "tried absolutely everything" in their pursuit to earn the Tigers their first world championship since 1984, including eliminating the far more dangerous New York Mets in the NLCS, entering the series completely unrested after a grueling seven-game series, starting a rookie pitcher with five career wins in Game 1 in Detroit, and postponing Game 4 due to rain in the hopes that an off day would swing the momentum back in the Tigers' favor.

"I don't know what we could've done differently," second-baseman Ronnie Belliard said. "We gave the Tigers every opportunity to win ballgames, but when their pitchers keep making errors on simple ground balls, what are we supposed to do, pretend we forgot the rules and start running to third base?"

Desperate for a Tigers win in Game 2, the Cardinals chose to overlook the fact that starter Kenny Rogers was pitching with the aid of a foreign substance on his left hand. "Of course we all knew it was pine tar, but it seemed like they were finally finding their rhythm… We certainly didn't want to shake their confidence, so we decided to just let it go," La Russa said. "Frankly, if the umpires didn't bring it up, we probably would've let him pitch with it the whole game."

After the final out of the World Series was recorded, the stunned Cardinals retreated to their dugout and watched with disappointed, glazed-over expressions as the Detroit Tigers—the feel-good team of the season whom everyone expected to win it all—packed up their equipment in the dugout across the diamond.

According to Albert Pujols, some teammates took the World Series victory harder than others.

"For a lot of young guys like [Anthony] Reyes and [Yadier] Molina, this was their first chance to see an exciting, inspirational, and truly deserving team win a championship," Pujols said. "Even though the outcome of this series has definitely left a bad taste in my mouth, I can handle it, because I was there in 2004 when we were able to see Red Sox beat us in the World Series. Man, what an incredible feeling that was… Just watching those guys celebrate, I really felt like I was seeing history unfold before my eyes. It was definitely my greatest baseball moment."

"I hope we have the chance to see something like that again next year," Pujols added. Reporters and sportswriters around the nation were critical of many of La Russa's successful managerial decisions, second-guessing such effective moves as leaving staff ace Chris Carpenter in for more than five innings in Game 3, and failing to bench third-baseman Scott Rolen, who batted a team-high .421 in the series. La Russa, however, said that things would be different next year.

"I think I speak for my players, the front office, the coaching staff, and every fan in St. Louis when I say that all season long, we had just one goal: bringing a championship to the great city of Detroit," La Russa said. "And even though we failed this time around, we will be committed to achieving similar goals next season."

In the somber clubhouse following the victory, Cardinals centerfielder Jim Edmonds admitted that "the wrong team won," but said that the outcome of the 2006 World Series is "just something we're unfortunately going to have to live with."

"Nobody thought we could do this, nobody thought we could stop this powerhouse team that beat the odds to go from worst to first and rolled through the playoffs looking like they were invincible," Edmonds said. "And we thought we had taken every possible step to prove them right."

"We shocked the world," Edmonds added. "We're sorry."

I'm Going to Disney World!!!!!!!

What does one say when a dream of theirs comes true and how long does it take to efficiently thank God for what He's Provided?

These are some of the things I've had to ask myself since last Friday October 27th, the day the 2006 St. Louis Cardinals, yes THE 83 win St. Louis Cardinals, beat the Detroit Tigers 4-2 to win the World Series in 5 games. The Cardinals are world champions?! I've been digesting this fact for more than 5 days now and I've yet to get over it. I still find myself going back to the moment we won, the fresh memory lulling me into a stupor I've never been more happy to have. I giggle to myself in my car, smile on the streets and sigh blindly into the ceiling of my bedroom at night before I fall asleep and again as I wake up to relive Friday night over and over and over...

The hours before the game dragged along as slowly as I knew they would. At work, I read up stories about my Cardinals from every which way: Stltoday.com; ESPN.com; CNNSI.com; mlb.com; USAtoday.com...the pages flew before me from one site to another, my hunger for Cardinal coverage all consuming.

I was supposed to attend a "Eid Party" I had been invited to but had made up my mind to stay home in the 24 hours I had realized we could clinch. After all, if I was going to witness the first Cardinals WS championship victory in my lifetime, I had to savor every single moment. I couln't have any distractions beyond my control. None.

As fate would have it, at home we were all distracted by the stupidest things possible. First, there were Ibrahim's toenails. Never one to miss an opportunity, he picked the most inappropriate time to clip his toe nails. As Banan and I urged for him to stop, he tried (and failed) to convince us that the longer he clipped his toenails, the more Justin Verlander walked men on our team.( In a slip of insanity, I almost believed Ibrahim's toe nails actually yielded that kind of power) kholood and Banan had snapped at eachother over whether Kholood would eat too loudly. Finally, there were the cupcakes Kholood brought. "I want the one with sprinkles!" (Ibrahim) and "No! The cupcake with sprinkles is mine, thief!" (me) were actually exchanged. Yes, it's true, we argued over the cupcakes with sprinkles. But to be fair, at no point that night did we call eachother doo-doo face or fart and laugh.

I couldn't believe how well Weaver was pitching or that Duncan played so poorly in right field (I've made up with him since). And I absolutely, positively could not believe Justin Verlander threw that ball away from 3rd base. When that happened, the superstitious part of me started to toy with my emotions. With knots in my stomache, I started to grasp what was happening.

After the 8th inning, Fox showed a shot of Pujols and Edmonds hugging in the dugout and it really took a toll on my emotions. I broke down and started to cry tears of joy. But they weren't just tears of joy at this year's pending championship. The pain of the past was easing as I thought back to the years that I felt built up to this moment. I remembered losing a vital piece of our future, a wild Rick Ankiel, and ultimately the NLCS series to the Mets in 2000.I remembered the 2001 NLCS we lost to Arizona on a game winning hit. I went back to that summer we lost Jack Buck and Darryl Kile and in spite of the pain, our team playing inspirational ball before losing the 2002 NLCS on another game winning hit to the San Francisco Giants. I still shudder at the memory of getting swept by the Boston Redsox in 2004. As if the team we were shocked to see lose all four games wasn't enough, we were made a laughing stock by the callous national media for 2 years since. Last year, we lost the 2005 NLCS, even after that miraculous blast by Pujols in Houston. After that, I started to wonder if our time had passed and if we would ever win.

Alas, we got to hug and high five like crazed lunatics one more time. We got to scream and celebrate like it was 1982. I realized I was going to a victory parade on Sunday. The rush of happiness was overwhelming and welcomed. If you've witnessed your own team win, you know what I'm talking about. But if you've never felt that pride and glory, I highly, highly recommend it. It's hard to describe without sounding elementary. It's your birthday, losing weight, winning the lottery, being loved, sleeping in and eating your favorite food all rolled into one. It's the feeling you get when you land after a flight, laugh until you cry or slump into your warm bed with hot soup on a cold, rainy day...times a million.

For those Cardinal fans feeling down from all the negative press, pay no heed to what these "experts" have to say. Instead, relish in the fact that we have tradition second to none in baseball. Remember that we are second to no one in WS wins in the NL. And remember that we are second to no one in baseball this year. We beat the team with the best ERA, the Padres. We beat the team with the best lineup in the NL, the Mets. And we beat the team that everyone figured was destined to win (or beat us in 3), the Tigers. When no one gave us a chance and when everyone wrote us out as Dead On Arrival, we showed up and played our best baseball all year. We are the World Champions. As for my next goal, I look forward to torturing Cubs fans and wearing my WS Champions shirt to Chicago in the next year. If they attempt to mock us for winning in any which way they're bound to try, I'll simply reply with an evil laugh and say "Don't talk to me, inferior"

And in reply to my first two questions: You dream for more wins. And you can never, ever thank God enough.